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Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread  
User currently offlineGKirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24923 posts, RR: 56
Posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3257 times:

Ok, seeing as we havent had one of these for a long time, and seeing as it is starting to break out in several other threads (eg the Happy St George's Day thread - one of my best prankes yet  Big grin ), I thought we may as well try and contain this rivalry into this one thread.
So I'll start...
Good things about Scotland
Its not England  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Our football fans dont riot (as much as the English)  Big grin
Good Whisky
Good lagers/beers etc
Rangers Vs Celtic
Nice women
Irn Bru  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up
Golf
Crap cricket team

Bad things about Scotland
Bigotry in football
Football teams cant get promoted from the 1st Division to the SPL unless their stadiums have 10000 seats  Angry
Not enough sun
Too close to England

Good things about England
Err.....dunno  Big grin
Rioting football fans make England look bad  Big thumbs up
Some decent lagers
Emmerdale  Big grin

Bad things about England
Lots of English people live there
Banco lives there
Arrogant media
Big Brother
Coronation Street
Eastenders
etc etc The list is too long  Big grin

Last time England played Scotland at football, Scotland won 1-0 at Wembley  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up In yer face Banco  Big grin




When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
40 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 1, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3242 times:

The last time before that Scotland beat England at anything was Bannockburn 1314 wasn't it? Oh, and you were led by by a Frenchman that day. Big grin

The very worst thing about Scotland is that thanks to an evil sense of humour possessed by the gods, the bastards decided to attach it to England. I can only suppose that they thought it had to go somewhere, and therefore placing a buffer between the sweaties and the rest of the world was the kindest solution they could come up with.




She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineGKirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24923 posts, RR: 56
Reply 2, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3238 times:

Banco, it was England that was attached to Scotland, so we are agreed in calling the gods, bastards.
Oh, and I forgot something...
Any German who interferes in this thread will be subject to abuse from people of the UK - the only time when Scots and Englishmen will unite in order to rid the world of those mullet loving, football cheating crooks

 Big grin



When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
User currently offlineArtsyman From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 4745 posts, RR: 34
Reply 3, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3237 times:

The last time before that Scotland beat England at anything was Bannockburn 1314 wasn't it?
****

While there were plenty of times when we laughed in the face of the oppressors, I like the one below...



User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3239 times:

Speaking as a citizen of the world, travelling under a British flag of convenience...

Scotland
- Populated by barbarous grunting Picts with incomprehensible accents and vile taste in offal-based foods
- Culturally hijacked by the shortbread-tin industry, becoming a theme-park of itself.
- a province with delusions of nationhood. Rabbi Burrens and the deep-fried Mars Bar do not constitute a seperate cultural identity.

England
- Populated by shaven-headed vest-wearing lager louts who list "drinking" as a hobby.
- Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".
- Inordinately proud of an empire that now largely consists of tax-free banking establishments and penguins.
- Has - BY FAR - the worst television and print media IN THE WORLD !

hubble bubble toil and trouble... (stirs madly !)  Laugh out loud

[Edited 2004-06-03 14:27:37]

User currently offlineArtsyman From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 4745 posts, RR: 34
Reply 5, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3231 times:

Culturally hijacked by the shortbread-tin industry,
*****

Low blow.... definately below the belt...


User currently offlineGKirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24923 posts, RR: 56
Reply 6, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3228 times:

who list "drinking" as a hobby
We list it as a career  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up  Laugh out loud



When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
User currently offlineArtsyman From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 4745 posts, RR: 34
Reply 7, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 3222 times:

We list it as a career
***

You wont find me lying in a doorway in Possil Park with sick down the side of my jacket...

J


User currently offlineJcs17 From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 8065 posts, RR: 39
Reply 8, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3224 times:

My ex-girlfriend is Scottish (she lived there until she was 12 and goes back every summer). By the way she described it, it sounds like rural Mississippi with a messed up accent. She claims most people there are either high, drunk, weird, or ass-holes. I have absolutely no desire to visit Scotland anymore. That being said, she didn't help my opinion of the Scottish by being a total whore once we broke up.


America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 54
Reply 9, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3205 times:

JGPH1A, good points!  Big thumbs up

GKirk: Don´t you have a bathtub to flood, somewhere?  Wink/being sarcastic
I´m so scared of your feeble insults!  Insane

One thing for Scotland: They haven´t let the italians (then called "romans") invade, occupy and almost civilize them like the english did... Although it´s difficult to discern if that´s actually a point in favour of scotland, thinking about it... Big grin


User currently offlineGKirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24923 posts, RR: 56
Reply 10, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3197 times:

Klaus you lover of mullets and stamp collecting. Have you not been hit by a train yet?  Laugh out loud
Yes we laughed when England got invaded by the Romans  Big grin

You wont find me lying in a doorway in Possil Park with sick down the side of my jacket...
Parkhead instead then Artsyman?  Laugh out loud



When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 54
Reply 11, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3189 times:

GKirk: Klaus you lover of mullets and stamp collecting. Have you not been hit by a train yet?

I scoff at your inane insinuations; Apparently, scrapie-infested haggis has already done its damage on you...  Big grin


User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 12, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3187 times:

JGPH1A, let me analyse that little list:

Populated by shaven-headed vest-wearing lager louts who list "drinking" as a hobby.

Hobby? HOBBY? How dare you! It has taken hundreds of years for us to reach the professional standard we now attain. And you dismiss it it as a hobby! Dear me.

Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".

Er. Yes. And?  Big grin

Inordinately proud of an empire that now largely consists of tax-free banking establishments and penguins.

Don't diss the penguins. They're evil. You've been warned.

Has - BY FAR - the worst television and print media IN THE WORLD !

You've been watching Channel 5 again, haven't you? Big grin

The trouble with the Scots is that the Romans did invade Scotland. However, pre-dating the English by 1000 years and more, they gave it up as a bad job. Any society that can reach the heights of modern civilisation and then contribute a deep fried Mars Bar is clearly beyond help.



She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 13, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3182 times:

Klaus, since Germans are merely a sort of English people that were too pathetically scared to travel, I don't think you're in any position to criticise.

This is evidenced by the ludicrous sunbed stealing in the morning, whereby the idea that you might have to move more than an inch or two in any one direction fills you with dread.



She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 54
Reply 14, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 3175 times:

Banco: Klaus, since Germans are merely a sort of English people that were too pathetically scared to travel, I don't think you're in any position to criticise.

Ouch. Tactical mistake. You´ve just given up your position of painting the english as intrinsically superior to any continentals. Duly noted. Big grin

Besides, your claim is somewhat countered by any travel statistic in the known universe...  Wink/being sarcastic

And no, we don´t share your obsession with sunbeds; It´s just fun watching you to get all paranoid and panicking about them...  Big thumbs up


User currently offlineGman94 From United Kingdom, joined May 2004, 1239 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 3171 times:

Bad things about Scotland:
Its not England
How everyone says how great Scottish fans are for being plucky losers
No organised football league Big grin
How everybody thinks their either British or Irish one minute and then their Scottish the next
Men in skirts

Last time England played Scotland at football, Scotland won 1-0 at Wembley

That pretty much sums Scotland up winning a battle but losing the war.  Laugh out loud

Good things about Scotland:
Sorry can't think off anything

Good things about England:
Its not Scotland (or Wales) (sorry couldn't resist that)
Real football, with real derbies (Arsenal v Spurs, Manchester South v Manchester North, Liverpool v Everton etc)

Bad things about England:
Chavscum

Anyway you Scots can't feel oppressed anymore, your the ones that are ruling us know just look at the government.





British Airways - The Way To Fly
User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 16, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 3167 times:

Ouch. Tactical mistake. You´ve just given up your position of painting the english as intrinsically superior to any continentals. Duly noted

Intrinsically superior? No, I leave that to the likes of Nietzche to try to justify. We don't claim to be superior to anyone - except of course the Germans, who had the same opportunities but spurned them. Look at the development of humour over the centuries; here we have millions of natural born comics, there you have um, well, you know, thingymajig, um, wotsisface, um, oh yes - no-one.



She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 54
Reply 17, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 3162 times:

Well, okay; While we´re still trying to do serious business, Britain is working at being Europe´s laughing stock... Fair enough. Big grin

User currently offlineLGW From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 3146 times:

"Any German who interferes in this thread will be subject to abuse from people of the UK - the only time when Scots and Englishmen will unite in order to rid the world of those mullet loving, football cheating crooks"

ROFL Big thumbs up

Ben Pritchard



User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 3134 times:

Re: Don't diss the penguins. They're evil. You've been warned.

Yes - I saw "The Wrong Trousers", and am convinced there is a heinous penguin plot to take over the world - just look at those beady little eyes shudders

Re: Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".

Er. Yes. And?


Please can you not... travel that is.


User currently offlineGKirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24923 posts, RR: 56
Reply 20, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 3130 times:

And that coming from someone in the Southern Territories of France?  Big grin
Damn you frogs...  Smile/happy/getting dizzy



When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 3127 times:

Exactly - follow the French example, go on holiday in your own country ! (Although to be honest, I could do without the 10000000000000 Parisians knocking about here all summer hogging all the parking and pushing prices through the roof - Northern poofs  Smile/happy/getting dizzy )

User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 22, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 3119 times:

Don't be silly. We can't possibly go on holiday in our own country. If we did then we'd actually have to pay for all the damage.

Honestly, some people.  Insane  Big grin



She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 54
Reply 23, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 3117 times:

Where do you think do your net contributions to the EU budget go, Banco? Big grin

User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 24, posted (10 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 12 hours ago) and read 3095 times:

Hehe - I think you could categorize 3 millions Brits descending on Mallorca every summer as a natural disaster - kind of like a plague of locusts but focussed on sausage eggs chips and beans and Watneys Pale Ale !

25 Post contains images Banco : Yes, but you're missing the advantages, JGPH1A; I mean, these hundreds of thousands of people all descend on the same places year after year. Now, tha
26 Post contains images GKirk : It doesnt help that the only place that English people can afford to go to is Ibiza
27 Post contains images JGPH1A : Good point, but Spain/Portugal/Greece kind of get it in the shorts, don't they ? And the rest of us STILL trip over herds of pasty English yoofs on th
28 Post contains images Banco : True, but Spain, Greece and Portugal know that they are making a vital contribution to world prosperity by keeping these people away from everyone els
29 Post contains images Scotty : I love Banco, Klaus and Kirkie. Now how's that pratt Henman getting on Banco?
30 Post contains images Banco : He's doing about as well as he could possibly expect to! In other words, it's raining.
31 Scotty : Ah well - better than usual then eh?
32 Post contains images Banco : They've started now. Henman's 1-1 in games in the first set. I suspect that's as good as it'll get for him too. Another sporting item to warm the cock
33 Post contains images Banco : Bugger me! Henman's won the first set! Is it possible that one of the most unlikely occurrences since the Scots were accidentally classified as humano
34 Post contains images Scotty : What - you are going to get buggered???
35 Post contains images Banco : Not any more, he's lost the second and looks like he's going to lose the third. Narrow escape there.
36 Scotty : Phew. A close shave!! Never mind, I'm certain he'll make an arse of it! LoL
37 Post contains images GKirk : I think anyone that plays tennis automatically makes an arse of themselves
38 Post contains images Qantas744 : Bad things about Scotland: Their currency is worthless as evidenced by the fact that they still use pound notes. Pre-empted the Ali G phenomenon by a
39 Scotty : Well I'm glad that's all over. Isn't it??
40 Post contains images GKirk : Rab C Nesbitt is a legend man, dont disrepect him ...
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