Duke From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 1155 posts, RR: 2 Posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 5 days 22 hours ago) and read 1186 times:
I am currently in yet another crazy situation in my life and wonder if there's anything I can do. Let me first briefly describe the history of it:
Last October, I started work in Prague as a language teacher. One of my first classes started at the Prague Stock Exchange, and the door was opened for me by one of my students, who is an assistant to the General Director. She is 28 (I'm 24). Now when I saw her first, I didn't fall madly in love. But I noted that she looked like a nice, decent looking girl and was also impressed by the fact that she was wearing jeans, even though she works for the Stock Exchange - a traditonally conservative workplace. As I got to know her better during our lessons, I found that she is really my kind of person - liberal, friendly, cute etc. She is interested in psychology (she actually doesn't like her work and would like to study this, but is having trouble getting accepted to a psychology program), and I once asked to meet with her and talk about some of my family problems. She accepted, and when we spoke on later occasions, I started getting the feeling that she found me cute. At least her behavior seemed to indicate it. Then one day about early spring, she invited me into her office to show me something. We started talking and she expressed some concern about my health. She said like "you're skinny. I couldn't have anything with you" and grabbed my thin wrist in a very cute sort of way. Now I was wondering, what was the message she was sending: was she just saying this in the sense of "you know, girls don't like skinny guys", or was she thinking aloud - I.E. "I find this guy cute. I wish he weren't so skinny". At any rate, by this time, I was finding that I liked this girl. I decided I would do two things: 1) gain weight (at one point, I told her I was trying to do so) and 2) ask her for a date. I was getting ready to do so, when at one point, I found out from our conversation something horrendous: SHE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND. D'OH! Bad news, but hey, she's not married. I may not date her, but really she attracts me so much that I'd gladly stick around and just be friendly with her until such time as she breaks up with him, if that ever happens. At least unless some other opportunity arises and believe me, this girl really attracts me. She seems like a perfect soulmate. But here is the big problem at the moment: classes at the Stock Exchange have ended over the summer, may not re-start in the fall, and may not include her (she might get a better job etc). Now so far, I have been able to keep in touch over the summer. I went and just sat around near where she works one day. When she came out of work, I didn't look at her but waited to see if she would greet me. She did! And she suggested that we have lunch together! We did so but it wasn't a very "warm" experience. I think she might have been a bit down in the dumps that day. I also had a bit of e-mailing with her, but now have no direct reason to do so at present.
Now, as you can see, I am really attracted to this girl and would like to try to woo her, although the odds really seem stacked against me. Yeah, I know, there are other fish in the sea (especially in this country. Czech girls can be drop-dead gorgeous and very cute at the same time) but I'm just attracted to this one at present and would like to TRY. Is there anything I could do to increase my chances of 1)keeping the friendship (I have not been too sociable in the past so am not good at this) 2) getting her to fall in love?
Would it be a good idea to find some pretext and invite her for lunch again? To hang around at the restaurant and hope she'll come one day
Planespotterx From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 1149 times:
If shes already taken, get over it lol-no point wastin ur time over someone u cant have..move on, theres 3 billion other girls out there..
I think you dont "love her", your "lusting" for her, and thats not love...
ZKSUJ From New Zealand, joined May 2004, 7073 posts, RR: 12
Reply 4, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1100 times:
You should let her be with this guy. Don't give the impression that you are waiting for her because she might feel pressured. If you really like her than you would want her to be happy no matter what the cost (to you) so at this time, leave her alone and be friends.
I am not saying give up or find someone else, that choice is totally yours, but keep a distance and don't try and ruin what she has for it could turn against you as easily as it could work in your favor. Just make sure that she is happy with whatever happens.
Duke From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 1155 posts, RR: 2
Reply 5, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1097 times:
Yes, I mainly want to just hang around and be friends for the moment. I'd like to know the best ways of doing this. One problem is that she lives out of town and goes some 50 km from Prague straight home after work.
ZKSUJ From New Zealand, joined May 2004, 7073 posts, RR: 12
Reply 6, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 1089 times:
Be her friend and if she feels right then she'll come to you. If you make a move that could potentially ruin all your chances. Slow is good in this case. Friends will be the way to go in my opinion at the moment.
50km isnt that far, its only about 30 minute drive or a couple of hours walk
Seriously, I hope this works out for you, but if you like her enough, make sure she is happy no matter what happens.
Aerobalance From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 4674 posts, RR: 48
Reply 7, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1077 times:
I think you need to actively go out and meet other woman while you maintain a friendship with this one. It wouldn't be healthy, or wise, for you to 'wait' for this one to breakup with her b/f or all of a sudden start liking you more, it just will not happen like that. There is nothing wrong with maintaining a good friendship, or even being flirty with her, but experience has taught me not to start 'liking' a lady until a few 'real dates' have occured.
Have fun no matter what happens, it is an enjoyable experience and one should enjoy it!
767Lover From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (9 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 1056 times:
This sounds just like a scene from a book I recently read called "Love Monkey"...guy falls for a girl he thinks is his "soul mate", she takes the train out of town every day to get home, she has a boyfriend, she flirts with the guy, etc.
Anyway, I offer a female's perspective: I'm not saying she's not into you, but it is not unusual for a woman to use this situation as an "ego boost", especially if she has been in a long term relationship where the boyfriend might not be paying as much attention to her as he used to. (Not that the relationship is going bad, just normal "taking for granted" kind of stuff.) I personally am not into these kinds of games, but a lot of women are because it makes them feel special.