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Possible New Pastor At My Church  
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1334 times:

Greetings,
I am currently 29 years old and attending my mom's (Lutheran) church. We are about to get a secondary part-time pastor for relief. She is 42 (I think my mom said) and single, and works primarily as a nurse. Problem is, I am starting to find I have feelings for her. What do I do? I know I can't really start a relationship cause that would be conflict of interest.

Any opinions are welcomed.
Thanks and Cheers -
KAUST


"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
21 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineBruno From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 853 posts, RR: 3
Reply 1, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1317 times:

Maybe she can heal you! Big grin


I support the women’s movement up and down!
User currently offlineAvianceGirlUK From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1316 times:

Sorry to sound really stupid but may i ask what is Lutheran?
And you mention you cant start a relationship because of 'conflict of interest'? Would you like to say a little more as i dont follow or am i really sounding stupid. Just want to get a general idea of what you mean.


User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 3, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1307 times:

Lutheran is a demonination of the Christian church.

By 'conflict of interest' I mean that it might not be looked at well cause it's my mom's church. Like if we say went out and broke up it might be a reason she'd leave the church and we'd lose a secondary pastor.

Although this lady will be only part time and work mostly in her nursing job rather than as a pastor at the church.

KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineDesertJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7811 posts, RR: 16
Reply 4, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1304 times:

First of all asking for relationship advice on A.net is about as wise as holding a Weight Watchers meeting at the Golden Coral on Prime Rib and Shrimp night.


That said, I am somewhat unclear as to why there would be a potential conflict of interest. If the feeling are mutual and she welcomes your companionship/advances I do not see what the problem is. As long as you are honestly interested in having a relationship and not getting into her pants I do not see any issue.

You can also worship at another church if there is a problem. Or you could just not act on your feelings and let it go.

[Edited 2004-09-14 01:54:27]


Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
User currently offlineIHadAPheo From United States of America, joined Sep 2001, 6027 posts, RR: 55
Reply 5, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1300 times:

Conflict of interests?, to be honest if you have feeling for each other why pass up the chance for both of you to be happy. I would suggest that you explore your relationship with her in a quiet and private way and if things develop into something serious make your relationship a bit more well known. I would hope that people would understand thatadults have feelings and the fact that the church is somehow related to all this should not stand in your way. Would the church members be happier if you started a relatonship with someone who is in their eyes not a moral person.

I would say to explore your options so to speak and see how things go, who knows you may be passing up something special because of how you think others may react.

IHAP



Pray hard but pray with care For the tears that you are crying now Are just your answered prayers
User currently offlineRedngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 44
Reply 6, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1285 times:

Believe me, all of the possibilities whirling around in your head are probably much worse than the possible "conflict of interest."

First of all, if you go to a different church than your mother, it's not a pastor-parishoner conflict. Second of all, you may not know what is going on in the pastor's life.

I would say that if you think you like her as more than a friend, you should find an appropriate time and place to tell her so -- but you need to be prepared to accept whatever answer she gives you.

I know that as a spiritual person sometimes I get my emotional feelings confused with my spiritual feelings. If you're going to your mom's church, you may be feeling this way because someone is bringing a new dimension to your faith. Only you can examine your feelings for the real reasons.

Good luck.
redngold



Up, up and away!
User currently offlineConcord977 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 1261 posts, RR: 25
Reply 7, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1286 times:

I agree with Pheo on this one.

Exploring a relationship and maybe finding happiness does not present a conflict. If something goes wrong in the future, it is quite possible that it could be amicable - and STILL wouldn't be a conflict. If for some reason there are bad vibes in a breakup situation, it would not be her duty to resign her position. It would be your duty to bow out gracefully and find another church to attend.



No info
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 8, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 1233 times:

Thank you all for your advice.
She is coming over to my parents house (where sadly I live right now) thursday night for a meeting. Maybe introduce myself then and show her around the house, get her a drink perhaps? And take it from there?

Cheers -
KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineBoeing7E7 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 1230 times:

If it's a she, then he's not Lutheran unless it's the Liberal ELCA wing that branched off a few years ago.

Please Identify the branch. It's confusing enough. Caused all kinds of havoc when you announced you were considering gay marriages.


User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 10, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 1202 times:

Yes it's a she, and yes I am in the ELCA. Sorry for the confusion.

KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineSolnabo From Sweden, joined Jan 2008, 859 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1189 times:

You can say that lutheran is a more liberal side of christianity than catholic.....They´re more open to abortions, gays etc. I guess you´ve seen/read about all these catholic priests molesting children.
Plus a lutheran priest can be married.
It started with Henry VIII kicked out the catholics and introduced lutherans in UK and yatta yatta yatta.........

That my opinion in this lutheran/catholic question!

Hope that helped you!

Micke  Big thumbs up



Airbus SAS - Love them both
User currently offlineSolnabo From Sweden, joined Jan 2008, 859 posts, RR: 2
Reply 12, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 2 days 23 hours ago) and read 1174 times:

I mean information, not opinion, about the diffrence between catholics/lutherans!

Thx

Micke Big grin



Airbus SAS - Love them both
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 13, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 1 day ago) and read 1141 times:

Tonight she comes over to my house (for a meeting.) Chance #1 to make an impression! Guess I better go shower and comb my hair......

KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineAndz From South Africa, joined Feb 2004, 8467 posts, RR: 10
Reply 14, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 1 day ago) and read 1136 times:
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Lutheran is a demonination of the Christian church.

That has to be the typo of the year  Smile



After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 15, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1125 times:

I don't follow your point Andz.....


"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 50
Reply 16, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1125 times:

You can say that lutheran is a more liberal side of christianity than catholic

Er...It depends who you talk to.

It started with Henry VIII kicked out the catholics and introduced lutherans

When the Pope refused to grant an annulment between Henry VIII and Katherine of Aragon because she did not bear a male heir, Henry broke with the Catholic Church and declared himself the supreme head of the Church in (of) England, and then set out to marry Anne Boleyn anyway. This happened in 1534.

Luther nailed his 99 theses to the door of the church in Wittenburg in 1517. The two acts were not directly related, though together they began what was later to be known as the Protestant Reformation.

Hope that clears things up.

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 17, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1119 times:

Haha the point of this thread is not the difference between the different demoninations and religions.

The point is that I have feelings for a lady who is about to become the associate pastor of my church, and who will be over at the house today in about 3 hours. (7pm CST.)

In any case, hope you all get your history figured out, and in the meantime, wish me luck!

KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineAndz From South Africa, joined Feb 2004, 8467 posts, RR: 10
Reply 18, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1117 times:
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Kaust, the word is denomination....you spelled it demonination....demon......gettit?




After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
User currently offlineLevent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5
Reply 19, posted (10 years 3 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1115 times:

Good luck KAUST, I showed my feelings to a seemingly impossible love 6 years ago and we´ve been happily together ever since!  Wink/being sarcastic

User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 20, posted (10 years 3 months 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 1084 times:

Greetings all!
Just had a thing at the lake today for our church, she was there and I had plenty of chances to talk to her. She seems to get along with me quite well I must say Smile/happy/getting dizzy

I just have to remember to take it slow and be careful so there's no awkward moments in it. But I am starting to feel ready to at least become steady friends with her.

Cheers -
KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
User currently offlineKAUST From United States of America, joined Jun 2009, 110 posts, RR: 25
Reply 21, posted (10 years 3 months 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1035 times:

Making an up date if A-net will allow me to make two consecutive posts in this thread.

I "flirted" with her at a picnic we had for the church recently. She and I seem to get along quite nicely. I am starting to consider asking her out for coffee, although I should probably just talk to her at the church things for now, get to know her better?

Lucky thing for me is that she is not going to be a minister of our church in the sense that she got a call, but rather in that she will be a member whom will assist my mom once a month with services.

In any case, wish me luck!
Cheers -
KAUST



"Houston, this is Apollo 8. We are now in Lunar orbit."
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