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Thoughts About Him Taking Her Name  
User currently offlineDuke From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 1155 posts, RR: 2
Posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1093 times:

If I ever get married, I have decided I want to do something practically no one does: take my wife's name. So for example, my (shortened, anglicized) name is Ned L. I am now crushing on a young lady named Denisa K. Imagine that we get married. Traditionally, she'd become Denisa L. and might even be referred to as "Mrs. Ned L." Or she'd keep her name and I'd keep mine. But say we had a daughter and named her Leslie. She'd almost certainly be "Leslie L." or maybe "Leslie L.-K.", which would be inpractical. Now I want none of that. I think these customs are sexist. Why should the husband's name always be given to the child? In a fair world, the couple would sit down and talk about which name would be better for a child and give them that one, not base the decision on sexist custom. And if millions of women even today could surrender their surname, then for crying out loud, so can I - a guy. Why should I be less happy to give up my surname than a girl? That is inherently sexist. I don't care about tradition. There are good traditions (those that do no harm and are a choice) and stupid ones (an extreme example - cutting off a woman's clitoris in some African places. It is a horrendous thing, but it's a tradition!).

So I am suggesting to unmarried guys to consider this and to unmarried girls to suggest it to their boyfriends.

31 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 46
Reply 1, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1083 times:

whatever floats your boat. Now are you doing this because you WANT to, or are you just doing it to get other peoples attention?

Remember motive counts as much as the act itself. There is no honor in doing something like this simply to make a social or fashion statement.


User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6816 posts, RR: 34
Reply 2, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1078 times:

Wow. Enjoy wearing that skirt Duke.

How nice of you to be a contrarian and change thousands of years of patriarchal societal structure.


User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1078 times:

My girlfriend is of Mexican descent. I have considered taking her name so I could check the hispanic box on job or loan applications.

User currently offlinePH-BFA From Netherlands, joined Apr 2002, 562 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1072 times:

out of the question. Period

PH-BFA


User currently offlineDuke From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 1155 posts, RR: 2
Reply 5, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1062 times:

I would do that for the cause of social equality. Not to show off.

User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 6, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1041 times:

I've never understood the custom. For example, I carry just as much of my mother's heritage and genes as my father's, yet I carry only my father's name...

As far as Slider's comment, it is Mexican tradition (and I believe other Hispanic cultures' tradition as well) to take both the mother's and father's surname...so his comment is ignorant and uninformed.

I know a couple who decided to adopt a completely new last name before their children were born... they mutually agreed upon a name that had meaning and was somehow tied to their heritage.

I believe to do something just because it is "tradition", even though it has no personal meaning to you, is an exhibition of mindlessness.



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6816 posts, RR: 34
Reply 7, posted (10 years 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1038 times:

As far as Slider's comment, it is Mexican tradition (and I believe other Hispanic cultures' tradition as well) to take both the mother's and father's surname...so his comment is ignorant and uninformed.

There you go again, can't resist the personal shot can you?  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

For THOUSANDS of years, the patriarchal name has been a rule, not an exception, with the majority of cultures. Many Arabic cultures still keep their tribal name as the final surname among others, even if they don't go by it commonly. (ie: the al-_____ suffix at the end reflects the tribal or familial name).

My understanding was that it was Mexican tradition to keep the mother's name as a middle name but not as a final surname.




User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 8, posted (10 years 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1037 times:

And your comment to Duke wasn't a personal shot??? Besides, saying a comment is based on ignorance... meaning a lack of knowledge... is not a personal shot. It is simply an observation based on the evidence presented.

Actually, I believe in Mexico, the mother's surname is LAST in order, not first (i.e. used as a middle name).



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6816 posts, RR: 34
Reply 9, posted (10 years 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1026 times:

I stand corrected TWF, just asked a co-worker in fact. I graciously offer my humble apology for the misstatement.

I standby the assertion and fact, however, that most cultures are patriarchal and it is in fact common practice among the majority of peoples on the planet.

And yes, it was a personal shot at Duke. I think the idea is ludicrous and I'm entitled to that opinion. If he didn't want criticism of the idea, he shouldn't have posted it.

I think it's a fucking dumb idea, quite frankly, but whatever makes him--or you, or anyone--sleep at night, more power to you.



User currently offlineCB777 From United States of America, joined Sep 1999, 1216 posts, RR: 2
Reply 10, posted (10 years 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1026 times:

The only way I would take my wifes name, if I had a weird last name.
For instance this one passenger had a last name FUCK, if i had that last name I would change it to my wifes last name, I wouldnt want my future kids to get tortured with that last name growing up.


CB777


User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 11, posted (10 years 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1018 times:

>>I standby the assertion and fact, however, that most cultures are patriarchal and it is in fact common practice among the majority of peoples on the planet.<<


And I still say... SO WHAT?? Doesn't mean there's any compelling reason to adhere to the practice.


For what it's worth.. should I decide to get married in the future (it would be a same sex marriage), I don't believe I'd change my last name. I MIGHT think about hyphenating it, but I doubt it... can't see a compelling reason at this point, unless it would be important to my hypothetical partner. I have NO interest in having kids though.


(edited for typo)

[Edited 2004-09-17 18:32:27]


An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineN6376m From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (10 years 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 999 times:

Does that ring through your nose hurt. Be a man. If this is how you're starting the marriage, you're going to be p-whipped for the rest of your life.

I'm sure she already sends you out to be feminine hygiene products and pantyhose. Next thing you know, the strap-on comes out and she's making you say that you are her bitch.

[Edited 2004-09-17 19:34:50]

User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 13, posted (10 years 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 987 times:

And of course you're going to let your wife read what you just wrote, aren't you N6376m???

That is, if you let her put shoes on and walk from the kitchen to the computer. Make sure she brings you a beer on the way...


 Insane



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6816 posts, RR: 34
Reply 14, posted (10 years 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 982 times:

Actually, if N6376 is married, and his wife is anything like mine, she's probably saying it's a fucking retarded idea too!  Wink/being sarcastic



User currently offlineJasepl From India, joined Jul 2004, 3582 posts, RR: 39
Reply 15, posted (10 years 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 975 times:

I'm sure she already sends you out to be feminine hygiene products and pantyhose. Next thing you know, the strap-on comes out and she's making you say that you are her bitch.

Let me guess... You find it perfectly acceptable to send her out to be you shaving gel or razor blades?


User currently offlineN6376m From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (10 years 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 964 times:

Jasepl -

My wife uses my shaving gel and razors to shave her legs and underarms. I don't use her feminine products.

As for the name thing - my wife and I had the discussion before we got married and we almost broke up about it. She didn't want to take my name. I made it clear that my offer to marry was expressly contingent on her acceptance of my family name. Issue solved - happily married almost 8 years thank you.



User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 17, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 959 times:

So in other words you didn't give a shit about her feelings, she caved, and you think that makes you a "man".

Congrats.



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineN6376m From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 955 times:

TWFirst I don't think a gay guy from "Vatican City" is qualified to comment about the issues involved in a marital relationship.

But for the record, it was very important to me. She later admitted that it did matter much to her - she just got caught up in the feminist thoughts and pressures of college so why fight something just for the principle of it? But thanks for putting your two cents into something you know shit about.


User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 953 times:

I have to wonder.. why does it matter?

Honestly, if by some miracle I do decide to marry my girlfriend I have to say I will keep my name (above comment was a joke). I really couldn't care less what she does, she can take my name, she can keep her name, she can hyphenate the names. I really don't see how it matters.


User currently offlineJasepl From India, joined Jul 2004, 3582 posts, RR: 39
Reply 20, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 943 times:

TWFirst I don't think a gay guy from "Vatican City" is qualified to comment about the issues involved in a marital relationship.

LOL! If we only knew just how many gays guys are in the Vatican right now, I'm sure we would all be shocked!


User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 21, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 942 times:

>>TWFirst I don't think a gay guy from "Vatican City" is qualified to comment about the issues involved in a marital relationship.<<

You can think whatever you want... but it is fact the vast majority of relationship issues, including respecting your partner's feelings and being flexible, trancend sexual orientation.

If you are going to post lockerroom machismo bullcrap, then you shouldn't be surprised if people call you on it.



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineTWFirst From Vatican City, joined Apr 2000, 6346 posts, RR: 51
Reply 22, posted (10 years 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 941 times:

>>LOL! If we only knew just how many gays guys are in the Vatican right now, I'm sure we would all be shocked!<<

I wouldn't!  Big grin



An unexamined life isn't worth living.
User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6816 posts, RR: 34
Reply 23, posted (10 years 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 916 times:

If you are going to post lockerroom machismo bullcrap, then you shouldn't be surprised if people call you on it.

Go ahead and call me on it while you're at it. Hell, I'm proud if it. I'm a man, the head of my family. My wife and I have a great strong marriage that's not only survived--but thrived--through a great deal of adversity in our 8 years of marriage to date. And we do make many decisions jointly, share a great deal of the responsibility, but I am the head of the household. That's not "lockerroom machismo bullcrap," it's following what my role and direction is in life.

And for the record, I don't even care for women who are "hyphenators" much.  Acting devilish


User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 24, posted (10 years 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 910 times:

Slider:

First of all, let's get our facts straight.

Up until a few hundred years ago, most people didn't even have last names. It really only became law once Napoleon ran his course through Europe. That is why we have Smiths, Bakers, Fishers, etc. Look up the root of most family names and you will find that most are occupations and place names.

Secondly,

Women took the name of their spouse, as they became HIS property, in the same way slaves took the name of their masters.

Now, I don't agree with the concept of the post, but that is another story.


25 N6376m : twfirst - I guess the Holy Spirit has given you the power to reach through the internet, transcend time and space and determine how my wife of 8 years
26 Post contains images ScarletHarlot : Fun, another hot button issue for me! Duke - good for you! There are so many 'traditions' that are unequal and degrading. I do not see why you should
27 ORDflyer : If/when I get married I wouldn't force my wife to take my last name, but not a chance that I would take her last name. That being said Duke, if you wa
28 N6376M : Scarlott - I respect your right to determine that unless your husband accepted your terms you wouldn't have gotten married. Shouldn't I have the same
29 ScarletHarlot : No, N6376M, neither of us got exactly what we wanted. I wanted to keep my name and not take his - he wanted me to take his name and not keep mine. We
30 Post contains images TWFirst : >>twfirst - I guess the Holy Spirit has given you the power to reach through the internet, transcend time and space and determine how my wife of 8 yea
31 Jasepl : Ahh yes, more profoundness from the "In the kitchen, on her back or in the shops" school of thinking. Why is it ever "very important" to a man that hi
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