Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
Political Correctness And Liberals!  
User currently offlineCHRISBA777ER From UK - England, joined Mar 2001, 5964 posts, RR: 62
Posted (9 years 9 months 2 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 984 times:

Posted this in another thread in Civil Av but it belongs here i think - any thoughts?

How would Nelson have fared if he had been subject to modern health and safety regulations ?

"Order the signal to be sent, Hardy."

"Aye, aye sir."

"Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?"

"Sorry sir?"

"England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?"

"Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

"Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

"Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments."

"In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."

"The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

"Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead."

"I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

"Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."

"That won't be possible, sir."

"What?"

"Health and safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

"Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

"He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."

"Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

"Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

"Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

"Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

"Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

"A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

"I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

"The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

"What? This is mutiny."

"It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

"Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

"Actually, sir, we're not."

"We're not?"

"No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

"But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

"I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary."

"You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King."

"Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."

"Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

"As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And now there's a ban on corporal punishment."

"But how are we to keep order, and discipline?"

"We are only allowed to order a time out for insubordination, treason, and cowardice Sir"

"What about sodomy then?"

"I believe thats to be encouraged Sir..."

"In that case ...kiss me, Hardy."



What do you mean you dont have any bourbon? Do you know how far it is to Houston? What kind of airline is this???
Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
Political Correctness And Holidays posted Sun Dec 19 2004 00:31:08 by Espion007
Sports Names/Logo's And Political Correctness posted Sat Mar 2 2002 23:34:49 by Alpha 1
When Exactly Did Political Correctness Begin? posted Tue Jan 3 2006 14:43:12 by 767Lover
"Political Correctness Is Damaging Britain" posted Tue Jan 3 2006 12:51:21 by Andz
Political Correctness Gone Mad posted Sat Nov 12 2005 10:15:16 by Andz
Is Political Correctness Going Too Far? posted Fri Nov 26 2004 02:42:09 by WrenchBender
Political Correctness (humour) posted Tue Oct 26 2004 20:50:26 by Saintsman
More Political Correctness B.S. posted Sat Sep 25 2004 06:56:21 by L-188
Political Correctness posted Wed Jun 9 2004 02:50:42 by Biggles20
Political Correctness Help Lead To 9/11? posted Sat Apr 17 2004 04:50:09 by Ltbewr