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Revocation Of Independence  
User currently offlineZweed From Netherlands, joined Apr 2004, 455 posts, RR: 0
Posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 1132 times:

before you start reading it, if you know by yourself that these kind of topics will make up sincerely upset, please leave this thread. No, this is not a try from a "liberal" person to owerthrow your countrys government and give it a bad name (you do that by yourselves so good anyway  Smile )
i even made this little thing in the brackets here for some people to understand it fully.
[comedy filter=on]

To the citizens of the United States of America.

In view of Prime Minister Tony Blair becoming President of all he surveys, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded and George Dubya Bush will be sent back to Texas. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up 'revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up 'interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as 'US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. You will also be required to create films that show history in a factual manner. (Try to remember that you don't have any.) It is no longer acceptable to make films showing daring British actions as being undertaken by the US. Also remember that you didn't join the Second World War until nearly halfway through. Your films should recognise this in future and the fact that you only ever get involved in a fight if someone else has done all the hard work, there are financial gains to be had, you have far greater numbers and never ever for humanitarian purposes.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half-way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 8th November will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

8. All American cars are hereby banned. This for your own good. When we show you good German cars, you will understand what we mean.

9. You will reduce the amount of food you eat and send it to those who really need it. The vast majority of you are overweight and will then start exercising and dieting.

10. All MacDonald, KFC and Pizza Hut outlets will be only be allowed to serve Fish and Chips (that's fries to you).

11. Beer will be served flat and unchilled as nature intended.

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[comedy filter=off]

30 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineAerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7184 posts, RR: 13
Reply 1, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 1116 times:

hahahahahaha brilliant.... Big thumbs up

User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 1103 times:

This email forward was funny the first time I read it. Too bad that was more than 2 years ago.

User currently offlineSlamClick From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 10062 posts, RR: 68
Reply 3, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 5 hours ago) and read 1087 times:

Oh, your tax revenues are going to be disappointing this time 'round.
We just don't drink that much tea anymore.

So by all means, come and claim your lands. If the curriculum at Sandhurst hasn't changed since 1776 this should be most entertaining.

Oh, and this time we will demand reparations.  Smile



Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
User currently offlineStowAway From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 640 posts, RR: 4
Reply 4, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 5 hours ago) and read 1074 times:

Your films should recognize this in future and the fact that you only ever get involved in a fight if someone else has done all the hard work,

That is funny. How about Iraq? Did we get involved when someone else has done the hard work?

Another America bashing thread.... Original



A monkey's ass always talks crap.
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1048 times:

Hillarious! Can I send this to some people!  Laugh out loud

Oh, I'm keeping my BAFDT tho, I've seen british cars, they suck, they're too small and they don't have big ass diesel engines . . . .


User currently offlineBoeing7E7 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 1034 times:

Didn't you learn the first time we kicked your ass out of here?

User currently offlineATWZW170 From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 904 posts, RR: 3
Reply 7, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 1006 times:

What I'm surprised at is that none of you have seemed to realize that it was someone from The Netherlands who started this thread....and I'm sure it was all for fun.


Success is getting what you want...happiness is liking what you get
User currently offlineSLC1 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 1000 times:

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Hahahahaha.....neither do I, and I'm from there!


User currently offlineThecoz From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 990 times:

Does this mean we have to stop brushing our teeth too?  Laugh out loud

User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29795 posts, RR: 58
Reply 10, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 972 times:

1. You should look up 'revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up 'interspersed".

Sorry no interest in your vastly in-efficent spelling system. Think of all the toxic waste you create by adding that extra 'U' in words like colour, harbour. Save the enviroment....drop the 'U'. Think of all the trees that would be saved because pencils would last longer.

2. There is no such thing as 'US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

Wouldn't matter. "US English" and "Microsoft English" are two different beasts.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

Tired of being confused with Nick Dundee?

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. You will also be required to create films that show history in a factual manner. (Try to remember that you don't have any.) It is no longer acceptable to make films showing daring British actions as being undertaken by the US. Also remember that you didn't join the Second World War until nearly halfway through. Your films should recognise this in future and the fact that you only ever get involved in a fight if someone else has done all the hard work, there are financial gains to be had, you have far greater numbers and never ever for humanitarian purposes.

Are you still pissed that Gregory Peck played an englishman in "Guns of Navarrone?". And one with an historically important British namesake like "Mallory". And besides WWII didn't really become a world war until the Pacific flared up.....before that it was mearly a regional afffair.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half-way through.

Your prototype anthem was nice, but lets face it. The revised american version has wider audience appeal.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

Guys....again......your sport is called "SOCCER" and only girls over hear play it. Where is that jpeg of the guys protecting the goal and their privates while holding handbags when I need it. As far as proper american football goes, well I think we can safely say that the US football player is smarter then the average rugby player....there is reason to wear the proper equipment. Not doing so can cause brain damage.

7. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 8th November will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

Actually as an Alaskan Nationalist, I hope that our eventual independence day will be a national holiday.

8. All American cars are hereby banned. This for your own good. When we show you good German cars, you will understand what we mean.

Funny I could have sworn that MB's where built in North Carolina now. Thank god you didn't mention pickup trucks. Did I mention that Mecedes is part of Chrysler now?

9. You will reduce the amount of food you eat and send it to those who really need it. The vast majority of you are overweight and will then start exercising and dieting.

This from the land of haggis? With the blood sausage and other contributions to the european diet, may I sugest that the English need proper food more?

10. All MacDonald, KFC and Pizza Hut outlets will be only be allowed to serve Fish and Chips (that's fries to you).

So Freedom Fries will become chips? Well at least it isn't as complicated as the French would make it. Why can't those Yahoo's call a Croisant what it really is, a "Bun".

11. Beer will be served flat and unchilled as nature intended.

What moron considers British beer the high point of beer? If I want could beer I'll go to Germany thank you very much. Besides Stout ain't beer.

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Castro  Laugh out loud



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineB757300 From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 4114 posts, RR: 23
Reply 11, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 971 times:

Uh, no one can revoke our independence. We declared it from England and won it on the battlefield. Anyone who wishes to challenge our independence is more than welcome to come and try (and commit national suicide in the process).


"There is no victory at bargain basement prices."
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29795 posts, RR: 58
Reply 12, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 966 times:

And BTW:

Who said that we didn't need our guns to protect us from the British.

Especially if they are pulling this crap.



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineAerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7184 posts, RR: 13
Reply 13, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 960 times:

some people took it a bit seriously.... It's not a threat to your national defence, just a joke. jokes are funny. jokes poke fun at things of all colours/creeds/sexualities/religions et al all the things that make us different and individual. Don't take things out of context.

User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29795 posts, RR: 58
Reply 14, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 955 times:

I knew it was a joke Aerobnz.

Actually I was trying to be a bit humerous with my responses.  Laugh out loud



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineYanksn4 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 1404 posts, RR: 11
Reply 15, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 948 times:

Will Baseball still be allowed or will I have to learn to play Cricket?

signed,
Matthew



2013 Airports: EWR, JFK, LGA, LIS, AGP, DEN, GIG, RGN, BKK, LHR, FRA, LAX, SYD, PER, MEL, MCO, MIA, PEK, IAH
User currently offlineDETA737 From Portugal, joined Oct 2000, 612 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 935 times:

Funny I could have sworn that MB's where built in North Carolina now. Thank god you didn't mention pickup trucks. Did I mention that Mecedes is part of Chrysler now?

Funny I thought it was Daimler-Benz who acquired Chrysler hence the name DaimlerChrysler. Their corporate headquarters appear to be in Stuttgart and almost everyone in their board of management has a German name.
http://www.daimlerchrysler.com/dccom/0,,0-5-7158-1-65184-1-0-0-0-0-0-8-7155-0-0-0-0-0-0-0,00.html


User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 922 times:

Re: Why can't those Yahoo's call a Croisant what it really is, a "Bun".

Tsk tsk - these peasants today ! No wonder we Europeans feel we can bask in the warm smugness of our cultural superiority  Smile/happy/getting dizzy The Brits are welcome to you lot, good luck !

"Croissant" just means "crescent" as in "crescent roll'' - although nowadays most croissants are not crescent-shaped at all - those made with pure butter are straight. And there is no direct translation in French for "bun", it being beneath our notice - weightless agglomerations of preservatives held together with a thin sprinkling of sesame seeds are not recognised as 'food' in this country - they are categorised as packaging  Smile


User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 18, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 915 times:

L-188, I am very disappointed in you. I should have thought you would be quite aware that Mallory in "The Guns of Navarone" is in fact a New Zealander, according to Alastair Maclean. Perhaps this explains the other point about not being able to differentiate accents?  Big grin  Laugh out loud


She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineSpinzels From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 328 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 899 times:

Uh, no one can revoke our independence. We declared it from England and won it on the battlefield....

With the help of the French!!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy



I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29795 posts, RR: 58
Reply 20, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 878 times:

Sorry Banco, Never read the book, only seen the movie.

As far as the accents, we are still working on getting the Canadians to pronounce the letter "O" correctly.....we'll get to you later.




OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineLtbewr From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 13088 posts, RR: 12
Reply 21, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day ago) and read 867 times:

I think you forget that the British tried to revoke our independence in about 1812 in a ill done war. The only real damage you buggers did was to burn down the White House and cause a mess in DC and a few other places. Then we kicked your asses back to the mother country after you lost interest (you also had the pesky French to beat up on too). While I like british beer, even at 'celler tempature', and most of the people are nice, I don't want to have to drive on the other and wrong side of the road - we got enough people already doing that, and besides, I have driven in the UK and kept shifting via the door handle, almost fell out a few times...  Big grin

User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 858 times:

"And there is no direct translation in French for "bun", it being beneath our notice - weightless agglomerations of preservatives held together with a thin sprinkling of sesame seeds are not recognised as 'food' in this country - they are categorised as packaging"

So have you guys come up with a word for "victory" yet?


User currently offlineAerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7184 posts, RR: 13
Reply 23, posted (9 years 7 months 2 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 848 times:

L-188 I wasn't meaning you, there were other posts that didn't show any humour
like yours.


User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21442 posts, RR: 53
Reply 24, posted (9 years 7 months 1 week 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 828 times:

JGPH1A: "And there is no direct translation in French for "bun", it being beneath our notice - weightless agglomerations of preservatives held together with a thin sprinkling of sesame seeds are not recognised as 'food' in this country - they are categorised as packaging"

Captoveur: So have you guys come up with a word for "victory" yet?

Come on, Oveur, such a clumsy swing-and-miss as a response to an elegant flourish such as JGPH1A´s... be ashamed of yourself! Big grin


25 Post contains images GKirk : Anyone who wishes to challenge our independence is more than welcome to come and try (and commit national suicide in the process). Looks like your hav
26 StowAway : Looks like your having trouble with Iraq, who didnt even try to challenge your independence!?!?!! Don't worry, you'll always be the daughter of the UK
27 Post contains images Aerorobnz : "I guess the History books are different over the pond from us." They are different from the USA's history books everywhere in the world except the Am
28 Post contains images GKirk : As are the Americans sense of humour So easy to wind up
29 Arrow : "I think you forget that the British tried to revoke our independence in about 1812 in a ill done war. The only real damage you buggers did was to bur
30 StowAway : GKirk, As are the Americans sense of humour So easy to wind up You are right. Sorry! They are different from the USA's history books everywhere in the
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