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Gcse Answers - Funny  
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19195 posts, RR: 52
Posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 2282 times:

The GSCE Test is given to students in England when
they are 16 years old.

These are actual responses given by the students:

1. Geography Q: Name the 4 seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

2. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can
be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

3. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

4. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

5. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the
Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon,
because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight.

6. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company
insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are
well endowed (guess you win on that one, Miss PPP).

7. Q: In a democratic society, how important are
elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male
gets an election.

8. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

9. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

10. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward
to his adultery.

11. Q: Name a major disease associated with
cigarettes.
A: Premature death

12. Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the
cow.

13. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the co[w.

14. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized
(e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the
branium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The
branium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I, O, and U.

15. Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

16. Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

17. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.

18. Q: Give the meaning of the term " Caesarean
Section":
A: The Caesarean section is a district in Rome.

19. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

20. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

21. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a
characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so
they look like umbrellas.

22. Q: English Q: Use the word "judicious" in a
sentence to show you understand the meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face,

23. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

24. Q: Technology Q: What is turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears.


"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
9 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineUshermittwoch From Germany, joined Jan 2004, 2964 posts, RR: 16
Reply 1, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 2252 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
2. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can
be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists


At least that's technically not a wrong answer...

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
9. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.


A true classic...

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
23. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Well at least Ali G. took the GCSE...



Where have all the tri-jets gone...
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19195 posts, RR: 52
Reply 2, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 2248 times:

Quoting Ushermittwoch (Reply 1):
At least that's technically not a wrong answer...


I think the marker would laugh if he or she read 'flirtation' and not 'filter.'



"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineUshermittwoch From Germany, joined Jan 2004, 2964 posts, RR: 16
Reply 3, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days ago) and read 2241 times:

Ah!

Maybe I should read more carefully.
 white 



Where have all the tri-jets gone...
User currently offlineJaspike From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2008, 1 posts, RR: 2
Reply 4, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days ago) and read 2225 times:

Here's one an examiner told me a few years ago:

Q: What is germination?
A: The process of becoming a German.

 Smile

Tom


User currently offlineAtco2b From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2005, 1114 posts, RR: 7
Reply 5, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 2 days 23 hours ago) and read 2189 times:

Taken from a book, 'A pis of Cak' (A piece of Cake). Pretty much the same as the above, kiddies at a school in Sussex, UK, making genuine spelling mistakes.

"Sometimes we work in gropes (groups). Sometimes the teacher gropes us or we grope ourselves".

"It was my sisters birthday last week. She had a big cak (cake). I had a white pis (piece). She had a pink pis".

Ill try and remember some more!!

Cheers



Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
User currently offlineJasepl From India, joined Jul 2004, 3582 posts, RR: 39
Reply 6, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 2161 times:

Oh c'mon Pe@rson... You can admit it.

These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?  Wink


User currently offlineAirplanepics From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2003, 2730 posts, RR: 41
Reply 7, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 2156 times:

Quoting Jasepl (Reply 6):
These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?


He hasn't done GCSE's yet, he is still going his SATS exams (For 12 year olds!)

Simon



Simon - London-Aviation.com
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19195 posts, RR: 52
Reply 8, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 2120 times:

Quoting Jasepl (Reply 6):
These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?


Nah, I am too dumb to have been able to answer those questions so well.


Quoting Airplanepics (Reply 7):
He hasn't done GCSE's yet, he is still going his SATS exams (For 12 year olds!)


I thought it was our little secret?  Wink



"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineAMSMAN From Ireland, joined Jan 2002, 1016 posts, RR: 6
Reply 9, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 2073 times:

absolutley fantastic...have to send them to my mates...


Aer Lingus, Proud to be Irish.
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