V Jet From Australia, joined May 1999, 719 posts, RR: 2 Posted (13 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 10 hours ago) and read 1916 times:
Before any Kiwis suffering from a sense of humour bypass flame me, this is a JOKE, OK. Unashamedly lifted from PPruNe but it is quite funny.
NZ to be disbanded: PM claims nobody's using it anyway
AUCKLAND, Tuesday: Following the successful disbanding of the armed forces
the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen Clark, has unveiled a new bold plan
to total disband the entire nation. . In a statement to the worlds press
Clarke unveiled her "Great step nowhere" plan. Launching the plan Clark
suggested that reports that their armed forces had
been forced to say "bang, bang" during war exercises had been the final nail
in the coffin for the once-almost-proud nation.
"For years now we've been doing nothing of value. All our really profitable
industries have gone overseas. Music, kiwi
fruit, Russell Crowe. After that it's basically just a bunch of sheep and a
once proud rugby team. Even match fixing can't
help our cricketers win" Clark said.
Clark went on to outline the timetable for disbanding the nation following
the sale of the Navy's two dinghies and after
the Army gives its shotgun back to the British.
In a sometimes emotional presentation Ms Clarke outlined the difficulties
facing the former country. "Every nation has it's
problems but, as the leader, you can always look at some other loser nation
and say "They're worse off than us". We finally
realised that we could no longer do that."
The final nail in the coffin came last Monday when the New Zealand treasury
tabled a report that found that Adam
Gilchrist's new contact with the Australian Cricket Board had him earning
more than the entire New Zealand GDP.
"When that hit us we realised that the ship of state was pretty much Gunwale
deep in sediment and it was time to turn off the
bilge pumps and move to a real country," a treasury spokesman said.
All industry and businesses are expected to have left the Island by the end
of June and all Government responsibilities
will cease at the first of July. Any farmers wishing to remain will do so on
a purely subsistence basis with the possibility
of a feudal system developing by the end of September. The All Blacks will
maintain a training facility near Otago until the
end of August after which time New Zealand in all it's forms and pursuits
will cease to exist.
When asked how the loss of the entire nation of New Zealand will affect the
region a world bank spokesman called for an