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Are Any Of You Here Step-parents?  
User currently offlineConcordeBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (9 years 9 months 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 1747 times:

Just curious.

I've sorta always wondered what it'd be like to be one... can't say I'd ever willingly want to do it, in and of itself, though.

In most cases, you're entering a multilateral relationship that comes prepackaged with a lottttt of extra baggage. Good chance you'll play second-fiddle in some regards, particularly when very young offspring are involved.


What are some of your stories? Reluctance? What made you decide to take the leap?

...anyone here ever avoid a relationship out of desire to not become a stepparent?

10 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (9 years 9 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting ConcordeBoy (Thread starter):
...anyone here ever avoid a relationship out of desire to not become a stepparent?

Always . . . reason number 1 - I despise kids, all kids, anyones kids, everyones kids . . . . period.

So, knowing that, entering any relationship where there is a child involved would be a futile effort. Might as well save the headache and argument.

I've had the opportunity - but have decided, quickly and without much self-debate - not the road I want to travel.


User currently offlineYyz717 From Canada, joined Sep 2001, 16370 posts, RR: 56
Reply 2, posted (9 years 9 months 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 1718 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 1):
Quoting ConcordeBoy (Thread starter):
...anyone here ever avoid a relationship out of desire to not become a stepparent?

Always . . . reason number 1 - I despise kids, all kids, anyones kids, everyones kids . . . . period.

So, knowing that, entering any relationship where there is a child involved would be a futile effort. Might as well save the headache and argument.

I'm not big on kids, and I refuse to become an instant part-time father just so I can date some lousy chick. Her time commitment to me will be limited due to her damn rug-rats and there is likely a scowling ex-husband complicating her life. If she's divorced, chances are there is a big b*tch factor in her personality anyway. So let some other chump deal with her crap. I'll date the ones without kids and have a better time.



Panam, TWA, Ansett, Eastern.......AC next? Might be good for Canada.
User currently offlineAJBUS300 From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 316 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 1667 times:

Quoting Yyz717 (Reply 2):
I'm not big on kids, and I refuse to become an instant part-time father just so I can date some lousy chick. Her time commitment to me will be limited due to her damn rug-rats and there is likely a scowling ex-husband complicating her life. If she's divorced, chances are there is a big b*tch factor in her personality anyway. So let some other chump deal with her crap. I'll date the ones without kids and have a better time.

Well, I don't think I would mind going into a relationship with pre-existing children. I mean, things go wrong so these people who have children have a right to rebuild their life with someone else and the children shouldn't be seen as obstacles. As for the comment about divorce, what makes you think it was something about her and not about him? I really think it takes two to create a problem therefore, you can't just single out one person. Basically, if I cared enough about the person and was really into them....I wouldn't let it bother me, but then again it could be because I love kids.



Live each day as if it was your last day on God's beautiful green earth
User currently offlineSkidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55
Reply 4, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 1655 times:

I am a stepfather/grandfather, and it isn't easy!!!!!!!!! Especially when your own kids come along. You have to work damn hard at it and no one ever seems to appreciate you. But, in the end, it is all worth it.

My two stepdaughters now treat me as a dad, and my granddaughter is the best!!!!

Andy  old 



Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
User currently offlineConcordeBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1623 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 1):
Always . . . reason number 1 - I despise kids, all kids, anyones kids, everyones kids . . . . period.

Feel ya

Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 4):
You have to work damn hard at it and no one ever seems to appreciate you

That's what I was referring to: no one seems to realize/appreciate that you're actually having to develop two (if not more!) relationships concurrently, and both have to work in order for either to work! Tough stuff.


User currently offlineSLC1 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1605 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 1):

Always . . . reason number 1 - I despise kids, all kids, anyones kids, everyones kids . . . . period.

I'm surprised, from such a generally happy person. But as you said, better off staying the hell away if you know you don't like 'em.

I think that there's always a mental struggle for step-parents, but I think many of them make it harder than it has to be. It also depends a great deal on the step-child.


User currently offlineAn-225 From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 3950 posts, RR: 40
Reply 7, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1589 times:

Wouldn't do it under gunpoint. Don't like kids, don't want any of my own in the future. There are plenty of fish in the sea without offspring.

Alex.



Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
User currently offlineVikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 10350 posts, RR: 26
Reply 8, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1580 times:

Not a step-parent, but am a stepson. My father (who had my brother and I) married my stepmother (who also had two kids from a previous marriage) when I was 10 years old. Well, 13 years have gone by, and it still gets easier each and every day. The first few years were plain hell, but I'm sure it was far worse for my father and stepmother. I guess you finally realize that your step-relatives are not your enemies or rivals - that they're on your side. But it does take time, and while it definitely worked out in the end, it was not easy.

~Vik



How can I be an admiral without my cap??!
User currently offlineTexdravid From United States of America, joined May 2004, 1365 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (9 years 9 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1576 times:

Could have become one very easily later this year, but the problems were too great.

I think if you have potential stepkids that are very young (age 5 and lower) it is actually easier, especially if your girlfriend got divorced right after the kids.

The problem is the older, male potential stepson. He will miss his father, will resent you marrying his mom, and will cause trouble at school, at home, etc.

So, basically, I got out. Very tough to do, and a lot of heartache, but in the end, the right thing to do.



Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
User currently offlineStevenUhl777 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (9 years 9 months 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 1557 times:

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 1):
Always . . . reason number 1 - I despise kids, all kids, anyones kids, everyones kids . . . . period.

Huh? I thought you had a little girl?

I fortunately never had to deal with a step-parent, one of my nightmares as a kid, as I knew other kids who did have them and hated their step-parent. Anyhow, I have no desire to become one myself. Probably not a problem, as women hate me anyway.


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