Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
Only In Britain...  
User currently offlineGkirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24936 posts, RR: 56
Posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 1432 times:

Be very proud to be British Because:



Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.



Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.



Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.



Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.



Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.



NOT TO MENTION...



3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.



58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.



31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.



19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.



British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.



101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.



18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.



A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.



8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.



And finally.........



In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.



RULE BRITANNIA!!


When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
32 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlinePbb152 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 615 posts, RR: 2
Reply 1, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 1416 times:

So stupidity, ignorance, and incompetence aren't solely American traits, huh?

Seriously, 3 Brits each year die testing a 9 volt battery on their tongue? That is a new one on me.

Pete


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 14026 posts, RR: 62
Reply 2, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 5 hours ago) and read 1397 times:

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.


This is the same in Germany and Ireland.

Jan


User currently offlineQANTASforever From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1380 times:

BRITAIN BRITAIN BRITAIN...

QFF


User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19227 posts, RR: 52
Reply 4, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1377 times:

Quoting QANTASforever (Reply 3):
BRITAIN BRITAIN BRITAIN...

Naturally Australia is perfect and its citizens all completely sane and logical, eh?  Wink

If you don't like Britain, move somewhere else. 'Nuff said.



"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineFergulmcc From Ireland, joined Oct 2004, 1916 posts, RR: 52
Reply 5, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1371 times:

That's some amount of stats you have, are Serbian's and Montenegroians any different? Like you's have a perfect history!

Fergul  wink 



Zambian Airways, Where the Eagles fly free!!
User currently offlineDIJKKIJK From France, joined Jul 2003, 1798 posts, RR: 4
Reply 6, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1363 times:

Quoting Fergulmcc (Reply 5):
are Serbian's and Montenegroians any different

Gkirk is not Serbian-Montenegroian, he is British  Wink



Never argue with idiots. They will bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19227 posts, RR: 52
Reply 7, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1359 times:

Quoting DIJKKIJK (Reply 6):
Gkirk is not Serbian-Montenegroian, he is British

As an Englishman, I insist that we state his nationality correctly - he is SCOTTISH.   The problem with Scotland, you see, is that it's full of Scots - those uneducated, foul-mouthed, lower class people!  Wink

[Edited 2005-04-26 14:26:09]


"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 8, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1350 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 7):
Quoting DIJKKIJK (Reply 6):
Gkirk is not Serbian-Montenegroian, he is British

As an Englishman, I insist that we state his nationality correctly - he is SCOTTISH.

Yep - he's only Serbian until they realise and deport him like all the other countries did Big grin



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1349 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 7):
As an Englishman, I insist that we state his nationality correctly - he is SCOTTISH.

But we wish he was Serbian. Or Montenegran. Or a Falkland Islander. As long as it's far away.  Smile


User currently offlineDIJKKIJK From France, joined Jul 2003, 1798 posts, RR: 4
Reply 10, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1350 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 7):
As an Englishman, I insist that we state his nationality correctly - he is SCOTTISH

So Scotland is not a part of Britain, just like Northern Ireland  Wink



Never argue with idiots. They will bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19227 posts, RR: 52
Reply 11, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1341 times:

Quoting DIJKKIJK (Reply 10):
So Scotland is not a part of Britain

Yes, of course it is, but when it comes to GKirk we tirelessly argue that it is not, for the association with GKirk is unbearable.  Wink



"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineSkidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55
Reply 12, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1341 times:

Pitcairn Island sounds good, can't get much further away!

DOH! I was sitting on my hands trying desparately NOT to get involved with this!!!!!!!!!  hissyfit 

Andy  old 



Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 13, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1338 times:

How about Bikini Atoll......


Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1334 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 11):
for the association with GKirk is unbearable.

Be ashamed. Be very ashamed !

Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 12):
DOH! I was sitting on my hands trying desparately NOT to get involved with this!!!!!!!!!

But slagging Kirkie is an a.net tradition - it is excellent therapy, and releases endorphins into the blood stream, thus providing proven therapeutic benefits.


User currently offlineYukimizake From Japan, joined Mar 2004, 529 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1331 times:

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Sounds dubious, these sound more like urban myths. What is the source of these statistics?



'Opfer müssen gebracht werden (Sacrifices must be made)' - Otto Lilienthal
User currently offlinePe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19227 posts, RR: 52
Reply 16, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1327 times:

Quoting Yukimizake (Reply 15):
What is the source of these statistics?

His warped mind?  Silly



"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 17, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1315 times:

Quoting Yukimizake (Reply 15):
Sounds dubious, these sound more like urban myths. What is the source of these statistics?

Kirkie neglected to mention that he craftily substituted the word Brits for what originally said Scots  Wink



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineBanco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 53
Reply 18, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1309 times:

It is worth pointing out that although these examples of criminal stupidity may seem remarkable, Kirkie is hiding under the cover of "Britain". In fact, all of them took place in Scotland, and, as I'm sure you agree, it is now rather more understandable that they happened in the first place.

For example:


3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

They've never seen electricity before. Can you really blame them for experimenting?



142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

Most of their supplies come from Oxfam. Imagine the shock when they get a new one?


58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

This is why we try to keep sharp implements away from them. The trouble is, they haven't mastered forks yet, so they keep their knives. Not an ideal solution, I'm sure you agree.


31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

Electricity. See above.  Yeah sure


19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Their primary sense is taste. You only have to look at the stuff they DO eat to know that. Once again, if you understand, it seems reasonable.


British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

This is because they're so damn mean neither will ever let go. The same happens when two of them fight over a penny, which of course is how copper wire came to be invented.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

Toys keep them occupied, and stops them bothering us. Accidents will happen.


18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

That's just stupid. But then, as above, they don't get new clothes very often.


A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

This doesn't require any further explanation does it?


8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

Yes, well they happened when the Scots decided to try to get in the cars.

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Personally, I'm surprised it's so few. Aren't you?



She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
User currently offlineCornish From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2005, 8187 posts, RR: 54
Reply 19, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1298 times:

Quoting Banco (Reply 18):
8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

Yes, well they happened when the Scots decided to try to get in the cars.

They were actually trying to steal them for joyriding purposes at the time Big grin

Quoting Banco (Reply 18):
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

All that Tennents Superstrength.....



Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
User currently offlineBraybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5710 posts, RR: 31
Reply 20, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 1278 times:

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Happens everywhere! My company organised a "Happy Heart" day, which was part of a government health campaign. It consisted of a two hour walk, and everybody ended-up in the the chipper and pub afterwards.


User currently offlineMelpax From Australia, joined Apr 2005, 1617 posts, RR: 1
Reply 21, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 1266 times:

Quoting Banco (Reply 18):

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Their primary sense is taste. You only have to look at the stuff they DO eat to know that. Once again, if you understand, it seems reasonable

Remember, this is the country that invented deep-fried Mars Bars!  vomit 



Essendon - Whatever it takes......
User currently offlinePogo From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2005, 355 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 1255 times:

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

It takes away the guilt, especially after eating enough cholesterol to kill a whale.



When in doubt give it a clout
User currently offlineQANTASforever From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 3 hours ago) and read 1256 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 4):
Naturally Australia is perfect and its citizens all completely sane and logical, eh?

Oh FFS, if Australia gave you a visa to discover that information then the Minister for Immigration needs to be sent to an instution for the criminally insane.

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 4):
If you don't like Britain, move somewhere else. 'Nuff said.

...or not move there in the first place.  Wink

Quoting Yukimizake (Reply 15):
Sounds dubious, these sound more like urban myths. What is the source of these statistics?

I agree. You call the United Nations, and I'll ring the police. Let's invesitgate, Nancy Drew.

QFF


User currently offlineWillo From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2003, 1352 posts, RR: 12
Reply 24, posted (9 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 1239 times:

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 7):
is that it's full of Scots - those uneducated, foul-mouthed, lower class people!

......that is no way to talk about the outgoing Labour Cabinet  duck 


25 Post contains images Mhodgson : Actually last time I read those sentences they were referring to Americans. Hell, if I order a bacon double cheeseburger and fries from Burger King I
26 Post contains images Matt27 : Land Of Hope And Glory......
27 RJ111 : English are actuall normal it's those damn Scots letting the country down. We should kick them out of Britain. Remember, this is the country that inve
28 LTBEWR : The items mentioned in the first half of the inital post are also all the same in the USA too. One item that is truly 'only in Britian' is that the nu
29 WhiteHatter : You girly wimp. You should finish it off with another burger. At McDonalds. And then ten pints and a curry. Anyway Burger King are bloody awful. alon
30 Bhill : Only in the US do DRIVE UP ATM's have Braille on them!!! Cheers
31 Post contains images ZRH : I don't believe that all these deaths which Kirkie mentioned really happened. Brits are very tough, they even survive their own food.
32 Aerlingus330 : Look at Micheal Howard, Charles Kennedy, Tony Blair and the assholes in the Royal Family...They define how tough the British Are. AerLingus330
Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
Only In Crapchester- Real News Article posted Thu Sep 21 2006 19:42:53 by LHMARK
Only In Ireland :-) posted Mon Jul 10 2006 10:05:49 by UTA_flyinghigh
Only In Canada? posted Tue Jun 20 2006 06:12:58 by SKYSERVICE_330
Only In California, Giant Floating Jesus posted Sat May 6 2006 00:14:27 by Luv2fly
Only In America - Plastic Surgery On A ... posted Thu May 4 2006 22:49:42 by TSV
Why Is Discover Card Only In The US? posted Fri Apr 7 2006 21:27:44 by CalAir
Drive A Car In Britain? posted Tue Feb 7 2006 21:26:41 by WhiteHatter
File This Under "only In France" posted Thu Jan 19 2006 02:45:54 by Dtwclipper
Only In Germany! posted Mon Dec 12 2005 13:12:06 by Birdwatching
Only In Milwaukee... 14 Pound Baby Born! posted Wed Jun 29 2005 20:44:40 by Birdwatching