Pe@rson From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 19022 posts, RR: 53 Reply 7, posted (8 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1223 times:
Quoting DIJKKIJK (Reply 6): Gkirk is not Serbian-Montenegroian, he is British
As an Englishman, I insist that we state his nationality correctly - he is SCOTTISH. The problem with Scotland, you see, is that it's full of Scots - those uneducated, foul-mouthed, lower class people!
[Edited 2005-04-26 14:26:09]
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
Banco From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 14752 posts, RR: 54 Reply 18, posted (8 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1173 times:
It is worth pointing out that although these examples of criminal stupidity may seem remarkable, Kirkie is hiding under the cover of "Britain". In fact, all of them took place in Scotland, and, as I'm sure you agree, it is now rather more understandable that they happened in the first place.
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
They've never seen electricity before. Can you really blame them for experimenting?
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
Most of their supplies come from Oxfam. Imagine the shock when they get a new one?
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
This is why we try to keep sharp implements away from them. The trouble is, they haven't mastered forks yet, so they keep their knives. Not an ideal solution, I'm sure you agree.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
Electricity. See above.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Their primary sense is taste. You only have to look at the stuff they DO eat to know that. Once again, if you understand, it seems reasonable.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
This is because they're so damn mean neither will ever let go. The same happens when two of them fight over a penny, which of course is how copper wire came to be invented.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
Toys keep them occupied, and stops them bothering us. Accidents will happen.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
That's just stupid. But then, as above, they don't get new clothes very often.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
This doesn't require any further explanation does it?
8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
Yes, well they happened when the Scots decided to try to get in the cars.
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Personally, I'm surprised it's so few. Aren't you?
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
Braybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5480 posts, RR: 34 Reply 20, posted (8 years 7 months 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1142 times:
Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter): Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
Happens everywhere! My company organised a "Happy Heart" day, which was part of a government health campaign. It consisted of a two hour walk, and everybody ended-up in the the chipper and pub afterwards.