Ikarus From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2001, 3524 posts, RR: 2 Posted (14 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 2246 times:
Once again, we are home to a coming-out thread. And a celibacy thread. And a dating thread. So, if I don't want to read it, I needn't. BUT:
I think it is not a good idea. For those users starting any threads with great detail about their private life, this forum may not be the ideal place. What can you possibly gain from it? You get a few people to insult you. You get phoney advice from others. Rarely is there any valuable advice around. No one here is a qualified agony-aunt. This isn't about coming out threads, but any teenage angst driven thread, threads asking for advice whom and how to date, or threads sharing personal information that makes you vulnerable.
You can withhold much information in your profile, fake other bits of it, but in return for all this you get fake advice from other pretense users who are no more mature than yourself. You can share your experience or lack thereof, and in return people laugh at you or try and give you support in a clumsy way that only reduces your confidence. This site, and the forums in here, are not about opening up the vaults of our deepest problems and the bits of personality that we are self-conscious about. It is about sharing our passion for aviation, and possibly learning a (little) bit more about each other, and debating healthily. But do you really think subjecting your entire personality to an online community is a good idea?
I just can't help thinking that anyone opening themself up this much gives this forum too much power over them. What if some shitty advice or direct insult given here drives someone into depression, or the ultimate act of self-destruction? What if this forum loses its function for simple communication, and drifts into a sinister place where it destroys lives? Healing, or good advice, can never be achieved here.
This is not the place for displaying our most severe problems. It is anonymous. But it is also lacking in experience, patience, and good advice. Can't we keep at least the most personal parts of our lives to ourselves? I can, and will. But maybe other users should do so, too.....
I doubt anyone will find the peace of mind they seek here.
Superfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 40298 posts, RR: 74
Reply 2, posted (14 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 2 hours ago) and read 2178 times:
I do agree!
BTW, have you had an itch that was so private, you only felt comfortable taliking about it with a doctor?!?!?!?
Seriously, I doubt the smarts of many in the non-aviation forums about there knowlege of such topics.
There are only about 3 or 4 other 'usuals' in the non-aviation forums who can give creditable advise though I don't always agree with.
Trickijedi From United States of America, joined May 2001, 3266 posts, RR: 4
Reply 3, posted (14 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 2164 times:
I completely agree with you Ikarus. After reading some of these types of posts in this forum, I was thinking the exact same thing. But then I also looked at the other side of why someone would want to post such topics in here. A few I came up with:
-This is cyberspace! Which means that, in the truth of it all, unless we know specific people in the real world before, during or after our posts, no one really knows who we are. This gives us the guts to post such topics. It's like the on-line version of Alcoholics Anonymous. We can certainly conceal as much info about us in our profiles, own 8 user names and have 25 email address all go to the same location which allows us to post deep, symptomatic problems that maybe no one else would be able to answer in real life, perhaps other than a doctor. It makes for comfortability. Think about it, a sensitive question asked to strangers, answered by strangers may be the most secure method to get a question answered - considering that no one really knows anything about us! Consequently, this is also the reason why we see sarcastic and even degrading responses on these types of forums. Cuz I'm sure that we would think twice about our responses to such questions if we were talking to that person face to face.
-It is a friend that needs help and not the poster. And since the friend is relying so much on the poster for some good advice, where else to turn but to a forum full of advice and people who are willing to part with their knowledge?
-Boredom. This is a problem that, at the outset, doesn't seem so bad but later on we figure out that it sucks being bored! What's worse? Having a computer handy while we are bored! Next thing you know, we are posting hypothetical situations, idiotic responses, inflated realities and just general of-the-fly remarks to a fairly intelligent crowd. I know I have been guilty of this a couple of times. It's a rainy Sunday afternoon and there's absolutely nothing to do, geez, I think I'll go to airliners.net and post my views on abortion and see what kinds of responses I get back.
-Looking for the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Sometimes it is in these types of forums where one can find acceptance and belonging. Let's say you are about to make a decision (big or small, whatever) but everyone seems to disagree with you, so you post in on-line and then you get that one person that says yes that's a great idea, you should do it! guess what you're gonna do? That's what you've been looking for all along. Forget all the previous responses before that person said yeah. It was a good idea after all since someone agreed with me. It's essentially the answer that you wantd to hear but wanted someone else to validate it. Maybe this is the case of the person who posted the "Coming Out" post. Another perfect example of this (although to a lesser degree) is my "New York" post. I already kinda have an idea of what I'll be doing in NY (see the Statue of Liberty) but if someone says do it! of course I'll post that I will and that it was a great idea.
Anyway that is all that I can come with so far. These are pretty common though from what I have noticed, here and in other forums. I'm not disagreeing with you Ikarus, I'm just giving you another side to your story.
Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!
JetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 11
Reply 5, posted (14 years 1 month 3 weeks 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 2119 times:
Hopefully most are smart enough to take any infomation for what its worth. I never look for an array of advise or info, but that one person that may have nearly the same experience as I. If I were to ask the forum how to eliminate Japanese Beetles from my landscaping or where the fuse-box is in a Monte Carlo or how to keep broken ribs from hurting during sex, I would only hope to get lucky and find that one person that actually knew from experience. I can spot guesses and jokes. Now if I were to ask why AVRO-RJ85s are so much more confortable than B757s, or why TWA says that FWA's 12,000' runway is too short for their DC9s (true story), then I would hope to see LOTS of replies and assume most are credible. As far as deep dark secrets, I would only offer experiences to people that are querying about the same thing.
Jabpilot From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 424 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (14 years 1 month 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 2097 times:
Let's all stick to Aviation and the subjects that are related to the aviation field. If you want to get something "off your chest", this probably isn't the right place to do it! There are lots of other places on the internet you can go for better advise, counseling or information. As for aviation talk, this is the best site around.