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How Do I Ask This Girl Out?  
User currently offlineYQTYYZ From Canada, joined Jun 2001, 48 posts, RR: 0
Posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1298 times:

There was this girl in my residence first year. I chatted with her on ICQ in second year, and last year, I shared a 4 person townhouse with her. I really, really like her, but don't know how to even approach her.

I like her as a person, and am afraid that if I ask her if she wants to go out with me, that I'll lose her.

Obviously the "do you want to go for coffee?" line won't work, because we've actually lived together.

We chat a lot, and talk about "normal people" things, so I don't know where my next step is.

Compounding the problem is that I'm really shy to begin with, and so is she.

Can anyone give me suggestions?

27 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineMbmbos From United States of America, joined May 2000, 2597 posts, RR: 1
Reply 1, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1239 times:

I think that you have a lot of advantages that will help you in this situation. First of all, you've shared a house with this woman, so she knows a bit about you and knows that you're not a psychopath.

Secondly, you've established a rapport with her, and you've shared a common experience. So, you have lots of things to talk about.

You're way ahead of the curve already!

If I were you, I would start out by increasing your contact with her - go out for coffee, have dinner together, go to a street fair, etc. Keep it light.

I suspect that if the friendship continues to develop, the opportunity to express your interest in her will happen naturally. Who knows, maybe she already feels the same way?



User currently offlineCfalk From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1237 times:

How about that wonderful pick-up line from American Pie?

"Suck me, beautiful."

Always worked for me...

Charles


User currently offlineJAL From Canada, joined Apr 2000, 5085 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1230 times:

Try to forget your shyness for minute and go ask her out for a movie or something, it worked for me and my girlfriend, Lisa.


Eric



Work Hard But Play Harder
User currently offlineUA767-223 From United States of America, joined May 2001, 156 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1224 times:

Ask her to go spotting at a nearby airport, works everytime.

User currently offlineDC10Tony From United States of America, joined May 2001, 1012 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1222 times:

Take her to a comedy club, always best for the first date.

Trust me.  Big thumbs up



User currently offlineIainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1211 times:

Don't be a pussy just talk to her and ask her out!
Iain


User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 46
Reply 7, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1205 times:

Agreed....sometimes the best thing to do is just to be direct and ask her out. Don't beat around the bush or tiptoe around it. Most women will only be irritated like that.

But a word of advice: Don't take her to the movies on your first date. Never take a woman to the movies on your first date. Reason being is that the two of you are sitting in the dark, and your attention is focussed on the movie as opposed to each other. How are you going to get to know each other in that kind of dating setting?

Save the movies for later into the relationship where you still enjoy each others company but having nothing to say to each other.


User currently offlineN400QX From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1199 times:

Matt's right... every first-date movie thing ended up realllly soon for me.

User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39877 posts, RR: 74
Reply 9, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1198 times:

NO NO NO! ! ! ! !
Do NOT ask her out to the movies!
Bad call!
I suggest seeing an older eclectic movie that you can only 'rent' on video. That way you can only watch it at 'your' house.  Big grin
Do you see what I am getting at? Big grin
Don't even mention a current movie!
Going to the movies is a waste of time and money. You can't talk to her or get as close. No matter how much making out you do in the theater if you even get that far , the lights eventually will come on and your back to square one. Women can be very fickle-minded in those situations.
I think asking her out for coffee/drinks or even dinner is not a bad idea.
Do you know how to cook?
Invite her over for a nice dinner.

You must be proactive in this case.

Good luck!  Big thumbs up



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineAn-225 From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 3950 posts, RR: 40
Reply 10, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1194 times:

While Superfly is definitely right, a movie has worked for me numerous times.


Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 46
Reply 11, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1181 times:

Superfly is right on. If you want to impress her with a movie, then do it right and follow his suggestion.

But just don't make the same blunder I did that resulted in my expulsion from her residence, never to see her again.

I think I said this before, but I'll rehash it anyway.

About 2 years ago, a foxy woman named Rachel invited me to her house one evening to watch a movie. So I did just that. I ignored the fact that it was a cold winter night outside, and the fact that she broke out with the candles and the champaigne. I sat there, ignoring her while totally engrossed in the movie, while seated on the opposite end of the couch as her. I guess she was insulted or thought that I wasn't interested. So she tossed me out.

Had I only did the suave ol' slide on the couch and sat next to her, and tried something, not only would I have left much happier than I did, but I probably would've seen her many more times.


But I was able to turn the situation around in my favor:

I was able to get home and get some rest and be up at 5AM to get to LAX the next day for a gorgeous photo shoot.


User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 46
Reply 12, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 5 days ago) and read 1179 times:

Just a follow up:

The moral of the story is that when a woman invites you over to watch a movie, and it's a cold night out, and she's wearing a low cut top and a short skirt and lights candles and pours champaigne, a movie is the very last thing on her mind. Watching a movie is only a pretext to get you two together to conduct some more important business.

It's a little classier too. It sure beats saying "Hey come over to my house and pork my brains out", so instead she says "Let's watch a movie" (while seeting up 'the mood'), even though she's thinking the former.

But be careful. Don't automatically assume that that's what she's thinking. It's very important to pay attention to the setting and various props and cues as well. If you went over, and she leaves the lights on (no candles) and serves you water or soda, then it's entirely possible that she really does want to watch a movie only.

Better luck next time.


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39877 posts, RR: 74
Reply 13, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1172 times:

Matt D :
What kind of a movie could have been that entertaining that you didn't care for the lady who invited you over?

Now if it was Airport '77 or Cannonball Run then I can understand.  Smile



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 46
Reply 14, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1166 times:

"Caddyshack".

the ultimate "guy" movie.

No seriously, we were watching "Armageddon".


A piece of trash movie I might also add.


User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39877 posts, RR: 74
Reply 15, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 1161 times:

And you still wanted to watch the movie instead?!?!?!

Good thing you did redeem yourself later!
You would have lost some stripes over that.  Smile



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineYQTYYZ From Canada, joined Jun 2001, 48 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1124 times:

If I had to pick a movie, I believe we'd watch The Emperor's New Groove instead. We're both into "cute" children films - she more so than I.

I was thinking of asking her to help me pump air into my bike tires at a gas station. and just chill later on at Dairy Queen's.


User currently offlineStretch 8 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 2568 posts, RR: 16
Reply 17, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1120 times:

"pump air into my bike tires" you must have seen the double entendre here. I tend to agree with Iain, you have to step up and ask her. You won't regret it, and soon you won't care about the bike tires.


Maggs swings, it's a drive deep to left! The Tigers are going to the World Series!!!
User currently offlineYQTYYZ From Canada, joined Jun 2001, 48 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 1110 times:

Oh no, I don't mean it in any kind of twisted context, although I must admit, it sounds really bad.

I was just thinking of an activity where we would be able to take a long walk and chat (she's had a really interesting summer, as will I in a few days), and see if I can ask her then, without any disruptions.


User currently offlineAerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7186 posts, RR: 13
Reply 19, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 1097 times:

be direct...just walk up and hug her and look into her eyes longingly....I suggest go somewhere where it is cold so you can give her your jacket (it makes you look like a martyr & makes her feel special, because you are being cold for her)

User currently offlineAloha 737-200 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 1094 times:

Iain, don't call him a "pussy" if anything that's a term that pissed me off. My dad says that to me and goddammit is pisses me off!! Big grin

OK, back to topic. I have to agree with what the guys said here. Ask her maybe over for dinner, or something rather fun. You can choose to be romantic on the first date (dinner) or you can be fun. Me, I'd go with fun. We have a nice theme park near here where there's rindes from hell!! Fun as hell too. You want to make a woman laugh, she'll love you for it and you'll enjoy yourself too. But that's just me.

Now I can COOK. I CAN cook, and I am a good one at that. From grilled lemon-pepper chicken to good homestyle chili, I can cook so that's not a problem for me......except that I still live with my parents and can't exactly invite a girl over for dinner!!  Big grin

DON'T ask out for a movie, that IS a disaster. (Hmmmm.....maybe that's why Katie cheated on me....)

Dunno

Aloha 737-200!!  Wink/being sarcastic


User currently offlineCYKA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 1090 times:

Best bet....dont. That way you cant be disapointed and/or feel stupid whenever you see her. Wait for subtle suggestions that the feeling is mutual.

User currently offlineChris28_17 From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 1439 posts, RR: 10
Reply 22, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1078 times:

Its not that difficult.. If you are friends already, its okay to be direct, that way she will feel like she can be direct right back... in other words, if you ask "why dont we go out sometime" she will say "NO" instead of "oh.. well... uhh... i've got plans for the next 4 months or so..."

you wont lose your friendship by asking her out and getting rejected, its only after you DO go out for a period of time and piss each other off and break up that you may lose the friendship...

I actually met a girl some time back and (we werent friends first) but i asked her out and pursued it pretty staunchly until i found out she had a boyfriend and thus rejected me... fortunetely we are still pretty good friends and hang out now and then, because i accepted the no-win situation and didnt freak her out...

moral is, just cuz you get rejected doesnt mean she doesnt like you or think your a cool person... so dont be afraid of it....


CHRIS (love machine)


User currently offlineTG992 From New Zealand, joined Jan 2001, 2910 posts, RR: 10
Reply 23, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 1065 times:

Although guys are my topic of expertise, this method always worked well for me.

When you've got that opportunity for talking (best is after you've just had a great time together) - ask her 'what's your perfect type of guy?'

If she's interested in you in that kinda way, her answer should paint a picture of a guy fitting your description. It gives her an opening to express her interest in you without having to be direct about it, and most people seem to like that. Saves you embarassment too, if her answer describes a person completely opposite to you  Big grin

Press her for as much detail as you think necessary 'So what would his hair colour be?'...etc.


Good luck  Smile



-
User currently offlineTransactoid From Canada, joined Mar 2001, 788 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (13 years 1 month 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1050 times:

Guys are your area of expertise? Do they require a different technique than the ladies?  Nuts

25 Post contains images BO__einG : hey this is interesting post. With the original question.. There is no answer until you try it out.. I mean by asking her out and see what response yo
26 Turbolet : Gee BO__einG, I was just asking myself the same question. Anyway, I think mental maturity (and physical, of course) are most important, so if you thin
27 USAFHummer : Also, if you decide to take Iain's direct method, take your time and mentally prepare yourself: what you will say, what she might say, what the outcom
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