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Family Issues Starting To Tear Me Apart, Help Pls  
User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Posted (9 years 3 months 11 hours ago) and read 2091 times:

Hello Forum,

I write here in seek of help regarding a personal family issue(s) I am currently experiencing. I am not looking for a shoulder to cry on, a place to bitch, etc, rather I am looking for a little insight for what someone in my current position is supposed to do.

Ah where do I start? Well I am currently 16 years of age and one of 3 in my family. I am a twin and the least liked by my father. My sister is currently 19 years old, attends UCI, drives a new BMW and sports a new Rolex (you can tell her position in the family chain). All goods aside the three of us are now faced with a situation none of us ever expected to deal with...

I am currently on vacation in France with my entire family as we usually do every summer for 2-4 weeks. All was well when we left but both my parents had mentioned that their companies were reorganizing. My father is currently a VP for a major drink cooperation and my mother holds the same title at a major house goods cooperation.

Clearly they are both successful and self made and have put all they can into their jobs to ensure that us kids get what we want when we want it etc... We live in the East Bay and currently own a home perfect for anyone looking to just get away from it all. My parents have put their life into this house. At the time that they bought it, my mother was attending classes at UCB and my father was working his way up the chain at yet another food cooperation. The payments on the house were more than their paychecks, not to mention they were supporting 3 growing kids.

Well time as passed, the house has been added to many times over (new hill, new pool, new rooms, new garage, etc etc etc) and we are all starting to truly grow up. The baby girl is out of the house to everyone's surprise, the two twins are slowly reaching the day when they too will be departing and we leave our parents with what? That's right fat payments, many bills, and one big house they are now left to pay off for the rest of their lives...(so to say).

They fear that though they are fantastic at what they do they will easily be replaced by a younger......MUCH cheaper "Joe" whom can get the work done to "acceptable" standards. With this in mind their work has always been a priority. My fathers job just seems to be getting better and better and my mother is truly becoming one of a kind within her cooperation being called "a highly respectable woman" by the CEO of whom she works with.

It seems as though nothing could go wrong, we would all move away, going to our respected collages, graduate, and follow in the steps of our parents and create names for ourselves in an industry whilst still successfully raising a healthy family.

Well it all seems to have gone down hill in the past week or so. The day before we were to depart for France my father was informed that his entire time which he is responsible for would be slashed and that out of the 6 "top dogs" he would be their first pick to be saved.

Well over a week has passed and now he is on the phone almost every hour during the night making calls to who he needs to to figure out what and where he will be working. It is now official that he will be moving to LA to work at his companies "Ship" where he will be given a promotion and a new VP title.

To my father this is only a dream come true. After much talk and plenty of disagreements between my mother and father it is decided on my father's part that he will be leaving one week after we return (the 6th to be exact) to make his way down to buy a new house for himself to live in. Now we are faced with a choice. How big of a house to buy. A house for one or a house for 5.

My mother is in a situation where 1) her job will most likely reject her request for a relocate (as they have no bases in Southern California) and 2) there is this huge house, a one time investment, that they have made that now either gets saved or we sell and move along and 3) what the hell does she do to get rehired. Sure she holds a title few and far between do but it's a very tough and competitive position that would be even harder to find let alone get hired.

My sister, the baby, is pissssssssssssssssssssed off and is currently not talking to anyone within the family. My brother seems to hide behind his computer, my mother, like my father, is on the phone deciding what to do and when to do it. The feeling I am currently having is that of high tensions.

What do I do? While I understand that everyone is going through the same shit what am I to do? I can't say no don't go let's stay because like the other 5 guys in his team my father will get axed. I can't say yes go go go because that would just be me lying.

At dinner tonight my father attempted to speak to my sister and just got back talk as a response. My brother finds his book far more important, etc. So many excuses, so many unanswered questions. But I know how important this is to my dad so I am in no way going to attempt to "discuss how I feel" as I know it will only add to the hell.

Gone in 2 weeks? What do I do.....What about the girlfriend of 1.5 year(s) that I currently hold? What about the sports teams I have positions in? What about my school that has already been paid for? So much in such little time. So it is with that that I ask you, what does someone in my situation do? I want to make it easy on both my parents as it would be the least I could do for the 16 years that they have been making it easy for me.

Do I just ignore the fact that I too fear that this move will wreck my family? My sister is already out of the house, what does she care? My brother and I both are quickly making our way out of the house, and that leaves my two parents to live with themselves.

The way my mother looks at it, or so I think, is that she only has to deal with the marriage bs for 2 more years and then she can go and do what she wants, she can get the car with only 2 seats instead of 5, etc. So why give up what she has built for 16 years on something that would only make what she has harder?

My brother is socially challenged and has worked most of his life to make what friends he has. What does he tell them? How does he get them back when we move.....

Instead of it being "Ok well lets sit and talk this one out" it's just become an all out shitfest of who wants what and when they want it. In all this mess I am left to think about what is going to happen and how I really have no say whatsoever. Friends are easily replaceable, a house is just one down payment away, but this family, the one that has held together through thick and thin for the past 19 years, how much is it worth? How easy will it be to replace it... Something I feel neither of my parents have yet to understand.

So I sit, and I think, and I wonder what it will be like for myself, my brother, and all those effected by this newly acquired life. It's all so new and yet so old.

Again, I am not asking for anyone to shit one me, my family, or my opinions, rather give me a little bit of guidance down this ever changing road my family is currently traveling down.

Thank you all very much for your time and input,

Matt

And I would also like to make it clear that I only mention material objects (watch, car, etc) to point out what priorities each family member holds and with that same frame of mind I hope you understand how much this family means to me and that in now way shape or form do I take part in the massive amounts of spending that my sister/parents do as I feel it does not add to who I am as a person. Sure I own a few other objects that most wouldn't but for that I am grateful.

[Edited 2005-07-27 22:26:51]


"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
22 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineKLM685 From Mexico, joined May 2005, 1577 posts, RR: 19
Reply 1, posted (9 years 3 months 11 hours ago) and read 2047 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):
My sister is currently 19 years old, attends UCI, drives a new BMW and sports a new Rolex (you can tell her position in the family chain).



Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):
My sister, the baby, is pissssssssssssssssssssed off and is currently not talking to anyone within the family. My brother seems to hide behind his computer, my mother, like my father, is on the phone deciding what to do and when to do it

This explains why she's being angry with the family and not talking. They are about to take away from her things that are important to her. She is used to a certain kind of life and she wants to stick to it. It's really not easy, and she'll look for the way to keep herself in that life she so much wants and has. I can tell this cuz one of my cousins lived through the same thing. Even though she's 13, she went out with her mom when my uncle and aunt got divorced. But she couldn't live without daddy's money, so she went back with him. And she even told me: .."But if I ever wanted to have the life I wanted I had to go back with him". I know it's not the same situation but the attitude about she not speaking to someone else could be explained here.

Also, your brothers attitude seems to be self-explantory. He's afraid as well as what could happen with his own family. And here I can use my other cousin as an example. Due to all the problems his family went through, he just went into his computer to forget about what was going outside only to focus on distractions. Being into his computer and not wanting to talk is a way from him to avoid the truth about what's going on.

I seriously don't think that they don't care about what's about to go on in your family. They are afraid about the change that's about to come. People who look the strongest are sometimes the weakest on the inside.


What's going on with your familiy is really sad to read to. I really hope you overcome what's about to come and keep your head in tall, as easy as that sounds is the hardest thing to achieve. But don't expect this to be fast and easily solved. Is going to take the best and the worst from you and your family to get this going on the right direction.

Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):

Clearly they are both successful and self made and have put all they can into their jobs to ensure that us kids get what we want when we want it etc...

This is the toughest part. But at the end they give all those things to you cuz they love you and they basically work for you. So your attitude towards those things that they do is the most important of all. IF you get good grades, get out of trouble and try not to abuse by asking for more things is the way you can help them and that you can repay them all that you've asked for. If they have fat bills then try to make them thinner. If they are in a bad mood or worried, try cheering them up by doing what they expect you to do.

But if your twin and sister don't get that then you can try to talk to them. Maybe they'll listen to you instead of going through all with the complete family together.

Sometimes the best thing to do in this cases is just to keep yourself calmed. You'll need lots of energy to keep yourself in the right place instead of wasting it in other unnecessary things.

Trust my words, sometimes the best solution is to let time fix things and not to go running everywhere in the search of an answer or an explanation. Though I'm not saying that you should only keep yourself with your arms closed doing nothing. You only have to do what you need to do, nothing more. Sometimes the best way to help your parents is by not trying to help them too much. Sometimes things can go worst.

Anyway Matt, I hope everything goes all right with you and the rest of your family. Sure you're a smart guy that will know how to get through. It will be impossible to think sometimes...but the sun will rise again  Wink

Cheers

Alonsou



KLM- The Best Airline in the World!
User currently offlineF9Widebody From United States of America, joined Sep 2003, 1604 posts, RR: 10
Reply 2, posted (9 years 3 months 10 hours ago) and read 2018 times:

Moving during High School would suck, bro. I've moved 8 times and could not imagine doing it now....you should really try and stay put in NorCal, until you're into college. It isn't nearly as big of a deal then.

Regards



YES URLS in signature!!!
User currently offlineAirlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 23
Reply 3, posted (9 years 3 months 10 hours ago) and read 2011 times:

WOuld it be possible for your mom to commute? Even on a limited basis? I know people that commute from Norcal to Socal because of their jobs..

Chris



Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 4, posted (9 years 3 months 10 hours ago) and read 1989 times:

Quoting Airlinelover (Reply 3):
WOuld it be possible for your mom to commute? Even on a limited basis? I know people that commute from Norcal to Socal because of their jobs..

Chris

Most def. out of the question for my mother seeing as she has to be at these stupid meetings every morning at 8am sharp. The way they were going to initially do it was tell my dad's company that he was in the process of separating from my mom and would have to wait on selling our house. In that same time we would buy a new house for my dad to live out of. He would work until he could and once the heat got really high bail out.

That plan would have, could have, bla bla, and now my father feels that making the whole "move" would be easier on his career and our family.

We'll see how it works. And even if it was an option we would have to pay for it and I know for a fact that those little $103 last min fares are going to add up for my mom and prove to be bad in terms of cost.

Arg.

Anyways,

Thank you all for the kind words regarding my issues,

Matt



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offlineHalls120 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (9 years 3 months 6 hours ago) and read 1922 times:

Seems to me the best solution is for your father to get a small place in LA, and come home to the Bay Area on the weekends. That would be the least disruptive solution, one that is rather common - at least here in the DC area. I know of many high powered couples who maintain split residences because one of them get a high-ranking political position in DC, and the other spouse can't easily make the switch.

If I was your Dad, I wouldn't expect your Mom to give up her career on short notice and move to LA. Do the commute thing for a year, which gives your Mom the opportunity to find a job at a more measured pace.

I do sympathize with you. My ex-wife announced her intention to leave our marriage when our kids were 17 and 13. My daughter survived with minimal scars, but my son, who was faced with the pull of who to live with, struggled. I hope everything works out for you.


User currently offlineN317AS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (9 years 3 months 3 hours ago) and read 1866 times:

Jeez. You bragging or complaining? I think I saw this on BH 90210. I couldn't keep reading past the 5th paragraph, so if you really do have issues, good luck. In 2 years you can move to the pool house and get drunk.

User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 7, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 1831 times:

Quoting Halls120 (Reply 5):
If I was your Dad, I wouldn't expect your Mom to give up her career on short notice and move to LA. Do the commute thing for a year, which gives your Mom the opportunity to find a job at a more measured pace.

Sadly at my dad's work it doesn't go that way. You take the relocate and they will send someone to your house to make sure that there is a fat for sale sign out front. Which is why the whole seperation thing was going to happen. I guess we'll have to ride it out.

Take care all,

Matt



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offlineAvek00 From United States of America, joined exactly 10 years ago today! , 4405 posts, RR: 19
Reply 8, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 1817 times:

Honestly, your family needs to consult a financial planner post haste. From the facts provided, it seems like the household lived beyond its means - there was too much focus on spending and not enough on saving for a rainy day.


Live life to the fullest.
User currently offlineBeowulf From Singapore, joined Jul 2003, 735 posts, RR: 14
Reply 9, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 1801 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):
So it is with that that I ask you, what does someone in my situation do? I want to make it easy on both my parents as it would be the least I could do for the 16 years that they have been making it easy for me.

Are your parents asking you to make a decision between them or for them? If I understand you correctly, they themselves haven't figured out what they will do. You can't live the life for your parents, your sister, or your brother. It's all very noble, but at the end you should do what's best for you. As it seems that you don't have to decide right now, relax a bit and sit back. You are trying to make a decision without all the facts.

Nick


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Azerbaijan, joined Oct 2003, 14078 posts, RR: 62
Reply 10, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 1798 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 7):
Sadly at my dad's work it doesn't go that way. You take the relocate and they will send someone to your house to make sure that there is a fat for sale sign out front. Which is why the whole seperation thing was going to happen. I guess we'll have to ride it out.

This sounds like BS. As long as their employee is doing his job at the location he is required to, why should the comopany ask if he still has another house in another place? Or are they of the oldfashioned type where a male manager has to show that he can command his wife (like making her to give up her job) and family to show that he has leadership qualities?


Jan


User currently offlineBezoar From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 807 posts, RR: 8
Reply 11, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 1790 times:

Ephesians 6:2-3

"Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."



"There are none so blind as those who will not see."
User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 12, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1779 times:

Quoting Avek00 (Reply 8):
Honestly, your family needs to consult a financial planner post haste. From the facts provided, it seems like the household lived beyond its means - there was too much focus on spending and not enough on saving for a rainy day.

We're not in any financial problems whatsoever. The bills get paid on time, the stuff we buy is paid for, etc. It's more of a personal family matter than of a money issue. If it were a money issue this would be a fantastic thing seeing as it is a major promotion with a much larger paycheck.

It's not a matter of if we have enough money it's a matter of who will live where and for what period of time. Does one follow their job and give up their family for a while, does one follow his job and have his entire family follow? Or does one give up his job for his family so that nothing changes...

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 10):

This sounds like BS. As long as their employee is doing his job at the location he is required to, why should the comopany ask if he still has another house in another place? Or are they of the oldfashioned type where a male manager has to show that he can command his wife (like making her to give up her job) and family to show that he has leadership qualities?


Jan

Nothing like that at all. The company wants to own my dad. In a sense they do. They make sure that when you sign a contract you have no ties to your past area so that you don't say "sure I'll take the job" while at the same time you are searching for a job in the area you once worked. It's a twisted system that I don't really understand.

Quoting Beowulf (Reply 9):

Are your parents asking you to make a decision between them or for them? If I understand you correctly, they themselves haven't figured out what they will do. You can't live the life for your parents, your sister, or your brother. It's all very noble, but at the end you should do what's best for you. As it seems that you don't have to decide right now, relax a bit and sit back. You are trying to make a decision without all the facts.

Nick

His company has yet to give him all the facts but basically said "We don't have every last nail in place at this current time but we need to know if you are going forward or not with the offer we have given you" and at that time what are you supposed to say? No please stop sending that paycheck to my address? The date is set by his company that they want him in LA, at a residence, by the 29th, no questions asked. So in a way, yes, we are crunched for time. And yes, his company will give him a bonus and other cash for making such a short notice move but cash doesn't fix the issues this has created.

We're not making the final choice but at the end of the day our say will have a huge impact on what choice they make. The point I am trying to make is that my parents have aways made choices in the best intrest of our families and this key point seems to be going away. If I go with what is said and just deal with it would it make it easier?

Thanks,

Matt

Quoting Bezoar (Reply 11):
Ephesians 6:2-3

"Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Not a religious person.

Thanks again all for your help...



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offlineCfalk From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1779 times:

I know what you are going through. My parents moved several times with us kids, including once where my parents had to spend over 2 years apart.

First of all, this is a time to prioritize what is important, and what is not.

If your mother is forced to quit her job to follow your father, she will resent it. The ONLY case where this would not be true is if she was planning to stop work anyway, which does not sound to be the case.

Your father, of course, must follow his job to LA. Unless he is extraordinarily lucky and finds a similar job for similar pay in the next few weeks. Doubtful.

Your sister, frankly, is acting like a spoiled brat. She needs to learn that the the world does not revolve around her.

The house should go. I recently had to make the same decision - My wife and I sold the house where we raised 2 kids, because they were gone, and it was far too big a house for just 2 people. We moved into an apartment, and are now looking for a much smaller home that will be ideal for just the 2 of us.

Don't be too attached to a house. If you see your parents being overly attached, tell them George Carlin's wisdom: A house is simply a place to keep your stuff - A pile of stuff with a cover on it.

I would suggest to them the house should be sold, and either buy or rent 2 much smaller homes, one in LA and the other in Frisco. Just the minimum they need for the next 2-3 years. Apartments or condos, maybe.

Over the next couple of yours, your mom should look for a decent job in LA, while continuing to work in Frisco. Your dad would do the same. As soon as one finds such a job which will allow the family to rejoin, they do so, and once again move to a house that suits their needs, possibly after you and your brother go off to college.

Honestly, your "needs", your brother's, and your sister's, are of only secondary importance. Changing schools, girlfriends, etc. is painful, I know, but you'll cope. The important thing is that your parents manage this transition period of 2-3 years with their marriage intact. THAT is the most important thing, and THAT is why you and your siblings should make sure that you do not add to their problems. A married couple living seperately due to job needs is a difficult situation, emotionally (trust me, I saw my parents, and I had to work away from my wife for up to a year on 3 occasions). Show maturity, and do everything you can to alleviate their problems.

Last thing: Where do the kids go? You mentioned your sister has moved out, so that's one thing taken care of. Considering you are both of driving age and relatively independant, you can stay with your mother in SFO. Otherwise, one of you goes to LA with your father. Decide before the new school year, and before your father choses a too-small home in LA.

Remember, do everything you can to make it easy on your parents. They have done everything for you (I'm glad you recognize that), and now it's time for a little something in return, in the form of accomodation and understanding.

All the best,

Charles

[Edited 2005-07-28 14:32:38]

User currently offline767Lover From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1752 times:

What I am going to say may sound harsh, but you asked for feedback. My impressions from the scenario you describe:

* I think your parents are interested/maybe even already planning to divorce. I think the story about your dad "telling his company that" in order to not have to relocate the household is BS. No company wants to get involved in forcing someone to sell their house, and I'm not even sure they legally would be able to. If smells like they have been planning to divorce but are not ready to formally announce it yet for fear of hurting you kids.

* It's clear your mom is very selfish. If she were as good at her job as you say, she could find a new job, even a better one. Or she could use the the relocation as an opportunity to pursue something she is really passionate about, such as an entrepreneurial venture.

* I wonder why your mom even got married and had kids in the first place. Love, marriage and kids require sacrifice and compromise. This time it's your dad's job that is the priority, perhaps because of money and prestige. Your mom, if she TRULY wants to be a wife and have an intact family, needs to make a sacrifice for this. In the past, I'm sure there were sacrifices made to enable your mom to study at Berkeley. Down the road it could be your dad making sacrifices for a job or passion of hers. But unfortunately from what you describe her priorities are a little messed up.

[Edited 2005-07-28 14:45:16]

[Edited 2005-07-28 14:46:05]

User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 15, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1743 times:

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 14):
* I think your parents are interested/maybe even already planning to divorce. think the story about your dad "telling his company that" in order to not have to relocate the household is BS. No company wants to get involved in forcing someone to sell their house, and I'm not even sure they legally would be able to. If smells like they have been planning to divorce but are not ready to formally announce it yet for fear of hurting you kids.

I know for this to be a fact. I will ask them when they get home so I can give you guys a "for sure" answer, but my dad had to quit his last job for the same reason. My parents, though two rather rough people with eachother, are married and hope to keep it that way.

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 14):
* I wonder why your mom even got married and had kids in the first place. Love, marriage and kids require sacrifice and compromise. This time it's your dad's job that is the priority, perhaps because of money and prestige. Your mom, if she TRULY wants to be a wife and have an intact family, needs to make a sacrifice for this. In the past, I'm sure there were sacrifices made to enable your mom to study at Berkeley. Down the road it could be your dad making sacrifices for a job or passion of hers. But unfortunately from what you describe her priorities are a little messed up.

Funny thing about a split income household. She makes the same amount of cash as my father does, something that as a woman is hard to come by. I don't see her priorities messed up at all seeing as this was dropped on us like a bomb. Sure if we had known say 3-4 months ago, like a normal company would advise their employees, she would have made a change but right now there are too many unanswered questions and far too many options to just drop what she has for something new.

It doesn't matter how good she is, how much she makes, or what position she holds at her job, though her company finds her to be a perfect fit others might not. At her age that is a HUGE gamble. I do thank you for your input but I completely disagree.

Thanks,

Matt



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offline767Lover From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1734 times:

Originally you said:

Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):
The way my mother looks at it, or so I think, is that she only has to deal with the marriage bs for 2 more years

Now you say:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 15):
My parents, though two rather rough people with eachother, are married and hope to keep it that way.

This is confusing.

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 15):
Sure if we had known say 3-4 months ago, like a normal company would advise their employees, she would have made a change but right now there are too many unanswered questions

Unfortunately when you sign up to work with a major corporation, you no longer "own" your life. The company owns you.


User currently offlineBeowulf From Singapore, joined Jul 2003, 735 posts, RR: 14
Reply 17, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 12):
The point I am trying to make is that my parents have aways made choices in the best intrest of our families and this key point seems to be going away. If I go with what is said and just deal with it would it make it easier?

Is it an option that you make your own decision and ask your parents if you can stay in SFO? Nobody suggests you should "just deal with it" but I am not sure if you know what you want.

Nick


User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 18, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 16):
Originally you said:

Quoting UA777222 (Thread starter):
The way my mother looks at it, or so I think, is that she only has to deal with the marriage bs for 2 more years

Now you say:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 15):
My parents, though two rather rough people with eachother, are married and hope to keep it that way.


This is confusing.

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 15):
Sure if we had known say 3-4 months ago, like a normal company would advise their employees, she would have made a change but right now there are too many unanswered questions

Unfortunately when you sign up to work with a major corporation, you no longer "own" your life. The company owns you.

I am sorry to confuse you. My intentended comments in the first topic were that my mother looks at the situation as "why do we have to change with only two more years of commitment to the kids, etc.." commitment as in a steady home, a current place to live, not moving around, etc.

The reason the house is such a big deal is becasue it is a big house, in a fantastic area, and my parents bought into the house when the cost of housing was low low low. Now it is anything but that in the bay area. If you lived around us you would understand the extreem hesitation to sell such a house.

Thanks you all. I've been up for a bit so im gonna catch a nap, take care.

Matt



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offlineUA777222 From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 3348 posts, RR: 11
Reply 19, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting Beowulf (Reply 17):

Is it an option that you make your own decision and ask your parents if you can stay in SFO? Nobody suggests you should "just deal with it" but I am not sure if you know what you want.

Nick

In the most ideal situation we would all stick together. The only problem is is that my dad's company is telling him little information yet asking a whole lot. And if he says no then his job goes bye bye. So we are being forced to make some pretty hard choices in a very little amount of time with very little information.

There isn't enough for me to know what I want. How can I know what I want if I don't know what there is. It's just this big game of dealing with the unknown.

Matt



"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
User currently offlineBeowulf From Singapore, joined Jul 2003, 735 posts, RR: 14
Reply 20, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1697 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 19):
So we are being forced to make some pretty hard choices in a very little amount of time with very little information.

Well, a lot of times you'll have to decide with little time and with little information available. It's a sub-par situation, but sometimes one can't do a lot about it. Who said life was fair and balanced?  Wink

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 19):
There isn't enough for me to know what I want. How can I know what I want if I don't know what there is.

It's not like you know nothing. You know the two probable choices: stay in SFO or move to LAX. And you can find out what *you* want. If it helps make a list with the pros and cons of staying or moving. And if the rational criteria don't reveal the "super answer", listen to your intuition. You don't have to decide for your parents. Once they have figured out what they want and tell you kids, then *you* may have at least a better idea of your preferences.

Nick


User currently offlineBezoar From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 807 posts, RR: 8
Reply 21, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1666 times:

Quoting UA777222 (Reply 12):
Not a religious person.

It's still good advice, even if you aren't religious. We run the risk of alienating ourselves from others when our thoughts and actions are entirely self-centered.

Major changes are difficult, even if they are 'good,' as they are rarely good in all ways for all people. In compromises, you don't get everything you want. If you want your family to remain intact, you do what it takes to keep the family intact, even sacrificing other things. A house is ultimately only a house, and money is only money. Getting too attached to material things is fraught with danger and disappointment. Your family should be on an entirely different scale.

And don't forget that while we fear change, sometimes change works out much better than we ever imagined. It helps to keep ourselves open to that possibility.

Even if you are not 'religious,' consider that God might still be there and willing to listen to you. I would consider that a more healthy and helpful move than asking for wisdom amongst this crowd.



"There are none so blind as those who will not see."
User currently offlineSlider From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6865 posts, RR: 34
Reply 22, posted (9 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1664 times:

I'm sorry- can someone explain to me what the hell the big deal is about moving?

People do it every day.

Families do it every day.

Families with 2 breadwinners commute sometimes as well.

UA- just don't get sucked into the turmoil. Deal with it. Stay resilient. And learn from this when the time comes to have your own family.

Family comes first in my book--and if your family, notably your parents and your spoiled brat of a sister, needs to "compromise" your lifestyle materialistically, do it. Of course, your family is sadly not unique in America today.

Good luck. Chin up.


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