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English, Not German, Official European Language  
User currently offlineSabenaboy From Belgium, joined Feb 2001, 187 posts, RR: 2
Posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 1 day ago) and read 2013 times:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

7 replies: All unread, jump to last
User currently offlineTPASXM787 From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 1730 posts, RR: 17
Reply 1, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1986 times:

Holy crap.

That is a complete disaster.

This is the Last Stop.
User currently offlineAloges From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 9413 posts, RR: 39
Reply 2, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1971 times:

An oldie, but still a goodie.  Wink

Walk together, talk together all ye peoples of the earth. Then, and only then, shall ye have peace.
User currently offlineME AVN FAN From Algeria, joined May 2002, 13937 posts, RR: 23
Reply 3, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1960 times:

I would write some of these phrases as follows :
Sertainly, zis wil maik ze sivil servaents dshum vid dzhoy
dis shud klyr ap konfushon and kybords kan haev wan les letr
dis wil maik vords laik fotograf shorter
in de 3rd yyr, pablik akseptans of de niu speling kan be expekted tu rytsh de staidzh wer moor komplikaited zhanzhis aar posibl
governments wil inkoridzh de rimuval of dabl letrs widzh hav aalwys bin a deterent tu akuret speling
al wil agry dat de horibl mes of de sailent "E" in the laenguidzh is disgraisful and it shud gou away
bay de 4th yyr pipl wil by riseptiv tu stepls sadzh as ryplaising "th" wid "z" and "w" wid "v"
dyuring de fifz yyr de unecesary "o" kan by dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after diz fifz yyr vy wil hav a ryl sensibl riten stail
der vil by nou mor trabl or difikaltis and evrivan vil faind it yzi tu understand ydzh ozer. De drym of a yunaited yurop vil fainali kum tru.

User currently offlineFlybyguy From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 1815 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1948 times:

Very clever! I like it very much! I think I'll print your post and put it on my door... Thanx  bigthumbsup 

"Are you a pretender... or a thoroughbred?!" - Professor Matt Miller
User currently offlineDL021 From United States of America, joined May 2004, 11454 posts, RR: 72
Reply 5, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1934 times:
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I was taking it seriously for a minute.....

............Oh that's a good one! I'll be sending that to people.

Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
User currently offlineFlyAUA From Austria, joined May 2005, 4621 posts, RR: 55
Reply 6, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 23 hours ago) and read 1925 times:

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 3):

I've actually got a German colleague who speaks like that. Don't laugh!!

Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
User currently offlineMarambio From Argentina, joined Oct 2004, 1172 posts, RR: 24
Reply 7, posted (10 years 8 months 1 week 22 hours ago) and read 1917 times:

Quoting Sabenaboy (Thread starter):
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

That sounds exactly the way the average Frenchman pronnounces English!  Smile

Nah, we have a very similar joke in Spanish, and both are hilarious.


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