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Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.  
User currently offlineCanuckpaxguy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2011 times:

Okay, I know a few people who could use a laugh right about now.
How's about some good ol' aviation humour? (Is there such a thing?)

Here's one someone just sent me....

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Atlanta noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Ooh shit, she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" Once again she gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?" This time the woman turned on him. "What the  censored  do you want?" she snapped. The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said... "Ahhh, Olympic Airways!"


G

14 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineFriendlySkies From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 4105 posts, RR: 5
Reply 1, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2002 times:

lol, that was pretty good...unfortunately nobody outside of this little world of ours would know what that meant.

User currently offlineTedTAce From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1983 times:

Quoting Canuckpaxguy (Thread starter):
"Ahhh, Olympic Airways!"

Funny..

Only a joke because this is a 3rd or 4th hand account of the incident that allegedly occured in the late 70's early 80's.

A plane lands in EWR, during the holiday season, and as the plane hits the taxiway, people start to get up and get their stuff. The FA making the cabin 'welcome to EWR' announcements notices the crowd getting up long before they are supposed to and says: "We'd like to thank you for flying (airline name), and we'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and for those standing in the aisle, a Happy Chanukah"


User currently offlineCanuckpaxguy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1970 times:

Here are a few quotes too...

"I did not fully understand the dreaded term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow for myself." - Dennis Potter, in The Sunday Times, 4 June 1978.

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute." - George Bernard Shaw.

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."- Mark Russell

"When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled, too." - Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.

"Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes." - Anon

"Muhammad Ali: Superman don't need no seat belt.
Flight Attendant: Superman don't need no airplane, either."
- quoted by Clifton Fadiman, 'The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes,' 1985.

"Our headline ran, 'Virgin screw British Airways.' We'd have rather preferred 'British Airways screws Virgin,' but we had to run with the facts." - News Editor, 'The Sun' newspaper.


G

[Edited 2005-09-09 05:20:36]

User currently offlineSearpqx From Netherlands, joined Jun 2000, 4343 posts, RR: 10
Reply 4, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1944 times:

Told to me by a PanAm FA many moons ago - he claims it happened, I have my doubts (but I could see it. . . )
A Princess was flying LHR to JFK on PA, and had been makeing life miserable for the crew the entire time. Finally the plane was on approach to JFK, but despite repeated announcements for the pax to take their seats, the Princess was still up and about. Finally the Purser (a flaming queen), had had enough and walked over to the Princess and ordered her to sit down. She glared at him and defiantely stated that she was a Princess, and in her country her she could have him shot for speaking to her like that. The Purser smiled and said, "Honey you may be a princess, but back home they call me a queen, so I outrank you. Now sit down and shut up!".



"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
User currently offlineCRJonBeez From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 317 posts, RR: 3
Reply 5, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1940 times:

How many Gulfstream pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One! They stand there holding it while the world revolves around them.


User currently offlineFlyboy36y From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3039 posts, RR: 7
Reply 6, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1939 times:

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 2):

A plane lands in EWR, during the holiday season, and as the plane hits the taxiway, people start to get up and get their stuff. The FA making the cabin 'welcome to EWR' announcements notices the crowd getting up long before they are supposed to and says: "We'd like to thank you for flying (airline name), and we'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and for those standing in the aisle, a Happy Chanukah"

i dont get it


User currently offlineCURLYHEADBOY From Italy, joined Feb 2005, 940 posts, RR: 2
Reply 7, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1889 times:

:D





If God had wanted men to fly he would have given them more money...
User currently offlineAtco2b From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2005, 1114 posts, RR: 7
Reply 8, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1882 times:

Quoting CURLYHEADBOY (Reply 7):
:D

Ive seen that in the back of Aircraft Illustrated magazine...wonder if its real?!

Also heard the 'Olympic' joke, but with Easyjet instead  Smile



Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
User currently offlineCURLYHEADBOY From Italy, joined Feb 2005, 940 posts, RR: 2
Reply 9, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1874 times:

Quoting Atco2b (Reply 8):
Ive seen that in the back of Aircraft Illustrated magazine...wonder if its real?!

Likely made-up, still funny though....!  Smile



If God had wanted men to fly he would have given them more money...
User currently offlineTedTAce From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1857 times:

Quoting CURLYHEADBOY (Reply 9):

Likely made-up, still funny though....!

Maybe, but I have a freind of a friend who swears on their life that it's real.

Quoting Flyboy36y (Reply 6):
i dont get it

You don't know enough FA's personally.  Wink


User currently offlineCarmenlu15 From Guatemala, joined Dec 2004, 4756 posts, RR: 31
Reply 11, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1819 times:

Quoting Atco2b (Reply 8):
Also heard the 'Olympic' joke, but with Easyjet instead

I've heard the Spanish version, with my beloved TACA Airlines... soooo friggin' funny!  laughing 



What do I know, I'm just an 'immature troublemaker with only a passing interest in aviation' (or so they say)
User currently offlineAA777223ER From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 220 posts, RR: 2
Reply 12, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days ago) and read 1752 times:

How many Flight Attendants does it take to change a light bulb?

None.

We'll all just sit around in the dark and bitch about it!

 Smile

Regards,

AA777223ER



time flies, seize the day
User currently offlinePilottj From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 279 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 1706 times:

A female pilot flying inverted is going to have a hairy crackup.... Big grin


God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him...
User currently offlineTimmytour From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2004, 89 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (8 years 10 months 2 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1714 times:

She was only the pilot's daughter, but she kept the cockpit clean

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