Kcle From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 686 posts, RR: 0 Posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 1123 times:
I just came back from my first high school dance a couple hours ago (I'm a freshman ), and I was just amazed. My friend (Who was presumed to be gay by several people at my old school, because of his high pitched voice) had two girls hangin on him the whole time. He returned from band camp from the high school with these two. Almost every person danced, except for three, one guy I know, another I don't know, and myself. I couldn't get a girl to like me if my life depended on it. Why would they like me, when there are guys better dressed, better lookin, and nicer than me? Most girls at my new high school judge on how well a guy can dance and what they look like. If you want to see what I look like, look for my post under "What You Look Like".
I have a couple of downfalls. First, I can't dance. I can't even get the beat of the music at these dances because it's so loud (Think of an MD-80 at full power, not moving). Second, I can't play sports, I'm not coordinated enough. Third, I'm very shy, I always have been. So I really can't ask a girl out, because it would practically kill me, and then I already know the answer will be no. Fourth, I'm not a nice person. I try my damndest, but I still seem boring (my voice sounds like Ben Stein's if you must know). And plus, if you look at my pic, I'm not very good looking anyway, even dressed up for my yearbook picture like I was in that pic. And another strike, I don't work out, so I don't know how to beat another person if, God forbid the occasion should ever arise. Oh, one more thing, I don't know what to do on a date, I've never had to worry about that, but now that I'm in high school, I don't want to get made fun of for not goin out on dates.
So, when you are so down on your luck, what is a guy to do? I don't want to end up like this Senior I met, who's never been on a date. I want at least one date throughout all of high school. Help me please, and I can't drive yet for another year yet. So, with that in mind, you have two choices to tell me. 1. Don't bother dating, or 2. (A good idea for me would go here)
DeltaRNOmd-80 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 1037 times:
hehe, Derek knows what he is talking about. After seeing my tips on webcam (lets just say two other girls were 'with' me), he knows it all. Go Derek! and good luck KCLE, advice is be yourself around girls and loosen up, as Derek said, and girls love a funny guy, and dont be too nice around them either (You can make a couple of sarcastic insults, depending on the girl).
Iainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1030 times:
Boy it seems like Airliners.net attracts tons of guys who are not good with the ladies!!
Dancing is not very difficult read the post 'How to dance', also I would suggest buying a club compelation that way you will get a feeling for the music and there is nothing wrong with dancing in the shower!
Dressing is very important, even though USAFHummer claims it is not (but look at how many girls dangle of his arms! ) Go to Mervyns and get new some new clothes and throw all your old ones out. You will have to be a bit careful as if you do not get enough and people notice you wear the same thing day after day it will not be good.
About being better looking get a hair cut (something that you would see in GQ), maybe a new pair of glasses and that is pretty much all you can do, but with the new clothes you will be more dashing then before.
>>so I don't know how to beat another person if<<
Believe it or not girls don't like guys that fight! Running is also a good means of defence.
Asking a girl out is really easy, you get talking (you might start taklking in math class about maths) become some what friends and then say 'We only seem to talk during school, do you want to go and chill some time?' if they say yes get their digits.
Figure out what to do on the date itself when that time comes, but do not treat it like a date treat it like you are going out with your buddy!
>>I don't want to end up like this Senior I met, who's never been on a date.<<
You are hanging with the wrong crew, start talking to people who can get girls!
You also need about 10x's the confidence you have!
I think this should go in the FAQ!
JetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 12
Reply 5, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1014 times:
Don't worry about not dancing, but for God's sake slow-dance at every opportunity. ANYONE can do that. It's just standing, but a little faster. When you ask a girl to dance, don't be awkward about it. Try to appear confident or apathethic like you don't give a s#!* what she says. It show confidence. Just walk up, point at her (with all four fingers like you a shaking hands) and simply say "Dance?". If she says no, don't put your head down or act humiliated or disappointed; just walk away and move on.
You think all those qualities you say you lack are the reason you don't have a lot of girlfriends, but the one and only reason is because you are shy. Maybe you can't get the best girl, but remember, there are lots of girls that do not think highly of themselves that you may find attractive. Seek them out, because they may find you attractive despite what you think. Shy guys loose sooo many opportunities because they don't even know there are girls out there that are interested in them. I think another reason shyness is bad is it makes you appear insecure and insecurity is an ENORMOUS turnoff to women. Just ask them.
Appear confident, be nice, be funny (but not geeky), and you'll be fine.
Pgh234 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 793 posts, RR: 1
Reply 8, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 999 times:
I know you mentioned you are in a new highschool, but isn't there any girls you are just friends with from Middle School? Just confidently ask them to dance. I have about 30 friends that are girls, yet no actual girl friends I have ever gone steady with. Maybe this is the case for me because I have been going to school with the same girls since kindergarden, but my advice is just to get your feet wet. I dont work out, I dont play sports, but I dont lack the confidence to talk with the ladies. I have never been on a date with a single person, but always a bunch of my friends. (I personally think it is alot more fun with alot of people) I suppose one day I will ask a girl out on a one-on-one date, but as of now I am quite happy w/my social life. Good luck, and dont be too depressed, it is only the beginning of the school year. Much has yet to happen.
XFSUgimpLB41X From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 4184 posts, RR: 37
Reply 9, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 990 times:
Hey man.. dont worry about it. I was a linebacker on the football team, played in a band (thus confirming athetic ability and rhythm in my bones ), and still never had a date until Junior prom. Don't fret it. The biggest thing i have learned from all this is dont get too up tight. I was always a putz around girls in High school, and of course still am a dork. The thing that counts most is that you care for the girl and give her your all. If your heart is into it, you cant go wrong. If the girl still doesnt like you.. its her loss. And don't forget to have fun.. thats what it's all about.
Boeing1071 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 980 times:
I was just like you (but I play baseball) until like 1 week ago. I was being very shy at a party and a nice girl walked up to me. I had never gone out before. Now, we spend every moment of the day together. Even now. So, just be nice to her. Ha she is laughing that I just said to be nice to girls. That's my $.02.
Ryanb741 From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2002, 3221 posts, RR: 16
Reply 12, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 975 times:
Has it ever occurred to you that there are many girls who feel the same as you? In fact, women get it worse - they worry about being too fat, too over/under dressed etc. I wouldn't worry about trying to be the new dressed-to-kill dancing machine in town. Just try to be yourself (I mean, who else are you going to be?), feel better about yourself and then you will naturally attract people. If you are a pleasant person to be around (and that doesn't mean being 'cool' or whatever - that means being personable and pleasant and considerate) then you will not only attract girls but you will attract the RIGHT type of girl. Ever stopped to think that any girl who's interested in a guy because of his clothes or how he dances might possibly be just the slightest bit materialistic?
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
Kcle From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 686 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 4 days ago) and read 968 times:
More good advice, but Pgh234 brought up another interesting point. I did become friends with a few (5) of the girls, but they never showed any interest in me, even for dancing. I was never "cool" enough to hang out with them, and I never had very many friends, so I'm not one of those teenagers that hangs out wit all his guy and girl friends at the local mall. Also, I did not say I go to Middle School. I went to a Catholic school, from Kindergarten, to 8th grade. The girls never even liked me as a friend, until one of the popular guys became my friend, then they said they'd be my friend, so go figure... Also, my high school is also a Catholic high school, not connected to my grade school, but the majority of the girls from my old school, are going here. But i'm also in the class of 2005, which has 300 students, so I might have a slight chance with one or two girls.
Another friend of mine kept asking all the girls in my class, if they would go out with me, and they all said nope, I didn't feel shot down, though, since I knew thats what they would say.
Oh, also, I forgot to mention that the picture I told you to look for is over two years old, I do not have any recent pics, so I have gotten new glasses, and I have changed my hair style.
This final thought for now. At the beginning of my school year last year, the new girl in my class, liked me, because of my blue eyes, she quickly found other guys and was dating the next month. I liked her at the beginning of the year too, but we didn't start talking till halfway through the school year, and we became friends. I had told her that I liked her, but she didn't tell me that she liked me, untill this past June, when she didn't like me. We were both shocked, and I could've had something, but i didn't.
Watewate From Canada, joined Nov 2000, 2284 posts, RR: 1
Reply 15, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 950 times:
It's just high school. Consider yourself extremely lucky if you can find a girl out of 300. Go outside the school and do some extra-curricular activities (besides spotting ). You'll meet many more people outside than inside your crowded school.
AC_A340 From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 2251 posts, RR: 1
Reply 16, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 933 times:
If you ask them to dance and they say no, you say "What? I said you looked fat in those pants".
Relax, yougot 4 years, you'll become more comfortable around everyone. And if it makes anydifference, I never had a date all through high-school. High-school romances barely get beyond that, high school.
Pgh234 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 793 posts, RR: 1
Reply 17, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 928 times:
Well, actually, with the 300 in your grade, you have better chances of finding "the one" than I do. I only have 135 people in my grade! I know the girls all so well they are like sisters to me. Staring a relationship can be akward. Once again, the key to enjoying high-school is to chill out and have fun. As AC_A340 said, most reltaionships dont get past high-school so dont worry about it (Even though my parents were high-school sweethearts). Dating and girls are just part of the "high-school experince" I guess. Like I said before, dont worry about it. You still have four years to have fun.
Atb2 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 2 days 10 hours ago) and read 907 times:
I actually gave up on the girls in my grade cause they were all obsessed with guys 2-3 years older than them. Why stcik to your grade with dating? I found a great girl who is a year younger than me and now i'm happy.
AC_A340 From Canada, joined Sep 1999, 2251 posts, RR: 1
Reply 19, posted (12 years 8 months 1 week 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 899 times:
My graduating class was 96 people. I've known 2/5 of those people since kindergarten. And you think you have a limited selection. If you are desparate, try to find a girl that is a year or two younger than you. My girl is two years younger than me, and it's great.
SQA340 From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 702 posts, RR: 4
Reply 20, posted (12 years 8 months 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 889 times:
Listen, you are thinking too much about dating and dancing, start concentrating on other things besides girls, they are just a waste of time.
No matter how much you dress up, moose your hair or anything else, they just wont accept you. All of them are like that. A girl should like you for who you are, not for the clothes you wear or the colonge you put on. My friend moosed his hair, the works, but still didnt dance with girls.
I am just like you, shy, cant dance, etc. and I cant get a girl to like me If my life depended on it. So what, most dates in High school dont lead to marriage. You are only what 14/15? You got a lot of time.
If you want to get a girl do their advice but even if you do get one, a girl will throw you away for a guy better looking and plays a sport. Thats just the way all of them are, selfish.