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What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)  
User currently offlineGkirk From UK - Scotland, joined Jun 2000, 24960 posts, RR: 56
Posted (9 years 2 months 7 hours ago) and read 1287 times:

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/disease.cgi

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GKirk's Syndrome
Cause:spread by rats
Symptoms:occasional flacidity, frequent anger, vague water retention, drooling
Cure:paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:



When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
21 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offline707CMF From France, joined Mar 2002, 4885 posts, RR: 29
Reply 1, posted (9 years 2 months 7 hours ago) and read 1276 times:

Oh well...

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
707cmfitis
Cause:running too fast
Symptoms:excessive feverishness, murderous rage, vague dementia
Cure:expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Cheers,

707


User currently offlineAtco2b From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2005, 1114 posts, RR: 7
Reply 2, posted (9 years 2 months 6 hours ago) and read 1266 times:

Textbook example. You are suffering from
Atco2b's Disorder.

Cause: poor dental hygiene

Symptoms: swollen lymph nodes, swearing, occasional hives

Cure: eat more squirty cream

Seems pretty reasonable  Wink



Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 35
Reply 3, posted (9 years 2 months 6 hours ago) and read 1257 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EGGD's Disease
Cause:early mornings
Symptoms:scaly skin, halo, vague French accent, high blood pressure
Cure:take five placebo tablets every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


User currently offlineLHB727230Adv From Germany, joined Mar 2005, 255 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 1205 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
LHB727230Advitis
Cause:poor hygiene
Symptoms:vague extra toes, electric shocks, steam whistling from ears
Cure:fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Cheers,
Alex  bigthumbsup 


User currently offlineAirbuff From Canada, joined Aug 2005, 140 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 1200 times:

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Airbuff's Lurgy.
Cause: genetically-modified chicken

Symptoms: slightly excess of money, long hair, drowsiness, shrunken head

Cure: take a day off work



Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?
User currently offlineMika From Sweden, joined Jul 2000, 2881 posts, RR: 4
Reply 6, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 9 hours ago) and read 1167 times:

Hilraous stuff! : bigthumbsup  bigthumbsup 

"You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Mika's Disorder.
Cause: lack of celery

Symptoms: temperature sensitivity, glowing, extremely orange irises, abdominal swelling

Cure: prayer"

Oh my. Big grin


User currently offlineBaylorAirBear From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 2913 posts, RR: 49
Reply 7, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1149 times:

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
BABosis.
Cause: overwork

Symptoms: smiling, tufts of hair, sudden anger

Cure: take a day off work


BAB vomit 



I'm just skipping stones...
User currently offlineMatt27 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1155 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Matt27itis
Cause:mobile phone radiation
Symptoms:flatulence, excessive shoulder pain, Hitler moustache
Cure:fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


User currently offlineFlyAUA From Austria, joined May 2005, 4604 posts, RR: 56
Reply 9, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1143 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Moe Mousa's Syndrome
Cause:caught in hospitals
Symptoms:coughing up blood, neck swelling, feather growth, mild demoniacal visions
Cure:take seven ibuprofen before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:



Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
User currently offlineBaylorAirBear From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 2913 posts, RR: 49
Reply 10, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1140 times:

One for the ladies:

It's just as I feared. You are suffering from:Femaleosis.

Cause: improperly prepared chicken

Symptoms: flacidity, flashing eyes, tentacle growth, squawking

Cure: take a few Prozac tablets before going to bed


That sounds like quite a few women I know  Wink

BAB



I'm just skipping stones...
User currently offlineTACAA320 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1101 times:

You are suffering from
........

Cause: cursed Japanese video

Symptoms: delusions, occasional jaw dislocation, suicidal thoughts, invisibility

Cure: electroshock therapy


This DR. is crazy. HE is the one who needs electroshock...


User currently offlineRossbaku From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2005, 673 posts, RR: 1
Reply 12, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1094 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Rossbaku's Disease
Cause:old library books
Symptoms:flacidity, frequent terror, excessive impotence
Cure:electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


User currently offlineTACAA320 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1088 times:

Rossbaku

Don't worry about the "excessive impotence". You may use "Viagra"[just joking].


User currently offlineCarmenlu15 From Guatemala, joined Dec 2004, 4763 posts, RR: 30
Reply 14, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1084 times:


Doctor Unheimlich
has diagnosed me with
Carmenlu15's Disorder

Cause:

spaceborne bacteria

Symptoms:

foot numbness, sudden pimples, delusions

Cure:
take two vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away

Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Ok... I know I am a mess, but a disorder?



Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
User currently offlinePyrex From Portugal, joined Aug 2005, 4036 posts, RR: 28
Reply 15, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1080 times:

It's just as I feared. You are suffering from
Pyrex's Lurgy.
Cause: eating spicy food

Symptoms: wheezing, swearing, reflective shots, hand tremors

Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream

And now for my actual name:

I'm afraid it's bad news. You are suffering from
Miguel's Lurgy.
Cause: natural sign of ageing

Symptoms: slightly chapped lips, face swelling, scaly skin, space alien bursting from stomach

Cure: fresh air



I honestly didn't know that space aliens bursting from your stomach was a natural result of ageing that could be cured with fresh air. Oh well, you learn something new every day.



Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
User currently offlineChrista From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1080 times:



User currently offlineTACAA320 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1079 times:

Carmen,

Better use Penicillin instead of the vitamin C. It works better on bacterias...  Wink


User currently offlineCarmenlu15 From Guatemala, joined Dec 2004, 4763 posts, RR: 30
Reply 18, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1069 times:

Quoting BaylorAirBear (Reply 10):
One for the ladies:

 grumpy 

Quoting TACAA320 (Reply 17):
Better use Penicillin instead of the vitamin C

When I was a kid, I frequently suffered from sore throat... After trying cough syrups, pills, and what-not, the doctor decided the best way to go was penicillin shots... OUCH OUCH OUCH!!! Fortunately, it worked, since it was either that or a tonsil operation.

Thanks for bringing back those memories  ouch 



Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
User currently offline747buff From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 744 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1064 times:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
747buff's Lurgy
Cause:poor hygiene
Symptoms:smiling, mildly orange vomit, excess mucus, chills
Cure:infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:



At Eastern, we earn our wings every day!
User currently offlineGreyhound From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 1026 posts, RR: 2
Reply 20, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 1 day 1 hour ago) and read 1062 times:

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Greyhound's Lurgy.
Cause: eating spicy food

Symptoms: bulging eyes, indigestion, dry skin

Cure: sleep


I had to do this just for laughs, as I was far too curious:

For ANCFlyer:

Bad luck! You are suffering from
ANCFlyer's Disorder.
Cause: zombie attack

Symptoms: sudden tongue retraction, foaming at the mouth, hives

Cure: don't do it again



29th, Let's Go!
User currently offlineSLC1 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (9 years 1 month 4 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 1051 times:

Congratulations! You are suffering from SLC1osis

Cause: Improperly Prepared Alcohol

Symptoms: Déjà Vu, Pustules, Excessive Gills, Forgetfulness

Cure: Smoke Five Cigarettes With Meals


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