HAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31754 posts, RR: 55 Posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 2054 times:
Anyone Experienced being lonely.ie Having no living Family member around,no relatives,dependents.....Not including friends.
But actually Staying Alone.
Anyone in that situation.Whats it like.
SlamClick From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 10062 posts, RR: 67
Reply 7, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2004 times:
I spent the last six years of my working life not living at home. Six years! My wife commented one time when I was visiting home that this was a good rehearsal for when one of us dies. There were periods within those years when I only got home maybe once every six months for a week or so.
I wasn't lonely when I left home as a youth and went into the military. I missed my home and family but I was exactly where I wanted to be. That was my new life and I embraced that. The last six years were infinitely worse.
Keep busy and don't pass up social opportunities.
On one occasion I went to work as a consultant to a small airline. They gave me a nice little out-of-the-way office where I would not be disturbed. I set up the computer, got copies of all their ops-related manuals and set to work. About three weeks later I suddenly pushed back from my desk and said: "I'm lonesome!" I went outside to the smoking area and got in the conversations there. Started taking cigarette breaks - didn't smoke but just to have someone to talk to.
Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
VSLover From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 1900 posts, RR: 21
Reply 8, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1993 times:
sorry, my statement was incomplete and i cant edit now.
what i meant to say is that i have really been living away from my family for almost 10 years now, since i was 17.
now, being in nyc, with no family and work sucking up my life, there were times when i would have no available friends to even hang out with as i stopped making plans with them because so often i would just have to break them for work. so the few times i would get out of work early on a saturday (for example) no one was around or available...this was around the holidays two years ago and thats when i realized the city can be SO lonely. the only thing that kept me from slipping into a depression was optimism that this was only a temporary period and the power to change the situation was wholly within my control.
eventually i did seek out other social opportunities with acquaintances or attended social events on my own. it is a rough patch but i believe most everyone goes through it at some point and emerges a better person because of it...eventually.
Birdwatching From Germany, joined Sep 2003, 3891 posts, RR: 50
Reply 9, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1976 times:
This year, I was alone on my birthday for the first time in my life. Seems like everybody else had forgotten it too, so I didn't even get any calls. My parents called 15 minutes late (at 0015!), but thats ok, they're 6 time zones behind and were still at work. The only emails I got were automatically-generated birthday messages from places like amazon.com. During the day, I was in university and I kind of forgot it was my birthday because I was among people. I'm not the kind of person who tells everybody it's their birthday, so I just didn't. Then I came home and I felt really really lonely. It was depressively rainy outside and my heating took like 2 hours to get going. I felt so miserable I cried a little bit. Yeah thats right, a 23 year old guy crying a little bit. So finaly I decided to go to Anet and post a thread in the forum... but heck, I didn't, because I would have been flamed with cargo bay pictures!
Oh well... still I love you all for being there when nobody else is!
All the things you probably hate about travelling are warm reminders that I'm home
My only sister lives 2500 miles away, my sole first cousin probably 1500 miles away, and there are probably second cousins floating around out there I don't even know about. Everyone else is dead and gone.
Why the sarcastic look? I was never brought up in a big happy kumbaya family unit. I never even knew I had a first cousin until she appeared at my father's remarriage when I was in my early 20's.
For the last 20 years or so I've either hosted holidays or been invited out for occasions that mean anything, and find things to do during times, like right now, when I'm temporarily not all that mobile.
My sister is happy in Florida, and if I ever want to visit her, she's a plane ride away.
Question was asked, and I answered it. If you have lonliness issues, and can't deal with those who don't, maybe you should take a look at that.
UAL747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1907 times:
Well, basically other than my mother, I rarely see any of my relatives. They call or I call them, but we don't see each other so often, or less than I would like.
As far as friends go, I have far and few between. I dunno...I'm definitely lonely. Sometimes I feel like don't fit in with a lot of people. I mean, I DEFINITELY like my privacy, but I need to be more social.
Then there's the relationship thing. I haven't been or been "dating" someone since 2001, and the last person was a GIRL! Blah, I can assume you understand how well that relationship went.
But yeah, I'm hella lonely. But I hope that will soon change. It gets depressing. That's a fact.
Concord977 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 1261 posts, RR: 24
Reply 18, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1898 times:
Mel, I know you have a beautiful daughter. Is she not living with you? Or was your question not based on your own experience at all?
I experienced what you described for the very first time last year. It is a strong feeling. I'm still trying to shake it. Maybe that's why I lurk on a.net and other forums so much. To simulate the company I used to have and don't anymore.
Some people are afraid to admit being lonely because other people will think of them as 'losers' (expecially on a.net). The most understanding you will likely get on a.net is an empty cargo bay and being told to "get a life". Big deal. I don't see it that way. It's just the circumstances that you find yourself in at times.
You see people every day in your life that are potential friends. But the opportunity slips by. Everyone is afraid to make the first move of friendship.
RobertNL070 From Netherlands, joined Sep 2003, 4550 posts, RR: 9
Reply 19, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1892 times:
Often been alone for lengths of time, but I've only had very rare moments of loneliness. Even when I was totally alone for Christmas 1993 and 1994, I didn't feel lonesome. That comes of being an afterthought I think, with much older siblings, and very much older parents: my parents are 41 years older than me. Being brought up in a very 'adult' environment, and not being able to relate very well with my peers, as a child I very often had take care of and amuse myself.
AeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20822 posts, RR: 62
Reply 20, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1881 times:
Quoting UAL747 (Reply 17): I mean, I DEFINITELY like my privacy, but I need to be more social.
Here's some unsolicited advice. You can make your own social events happen. Let me explain.
When I was growing up, it was set in stone we'd spend Thanksgiving with my mother's side of the family, and Christmas with my father's. Easter was a wing-it free-for-all, that usually ended up with us going to Carmel or the Napa Valley or some such.
As my sister and I got older, and relatives died off, our Christmas usually consisted of "Christmas Lunch", where we'd invite friends that had been close to our family out somewhere nice the Saturday before the holiday, and we'd pick up the tab. That gave us a "holiday" with each other, and with people we wanted to be with, but also let us go our separate ways on the actual day. Until my best friend died a couple of years ago, I would just head to the airport and fly off to Phoenix.
My Thanksgivings are legendary. After my mother died, I started going to Europe over Thanksgiving so I'd only have to use one week of vacation, get a 10-day trip out of it, and do my Christmas shopping. One year a friend joined me and we ended up having Thanksgiving dinner in the dining room of the Amsterdam Marriott. Now, they just didn't quite understand the holiday, because they were dressed up as cowboys, cowgirls, and native american indians--the Wild West in full regalia. Building on that theme, I started hosting Thanksgivings where I'd pick a historical American event, but just not do it right--on purpose. Martha Stewart would have a coronary, but probably have a laugh about it in the end. It started out with just inviting people I knew who were single and were alone over the holiday. This year, people already have their travel plans in place, even though I can't do as much as I have in the past, just because I can't stand all day long, everyone's said it's okay, they want the tradition to continue, and have parcelled out what to do. We'll even have a chat room setup on AIM where people can say hello to friends online and see what everyone else is doing.
It is possible to look loneliness in the face, and have a laugh at it. It just takes choosing to say, "I'm going to do something else."
Nordair From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1860 times:
It is far better to be lonely than it is to have people who pretend to be your friend because they think of you as a pushover, try to use you as their own private bank account, lie to you, deceive you, and rob you of your dignity until they are sure they've gotten from you all they can.
ScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 55
Reply 23, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1846 times:
Quoting RobertNL070 (Reply 19): That comes of being an afterthought I think, with much older siblings, and very much older parents: my parents are 41 years older than me. Being brought up in a very 'adult' environment, and not being able to relate very well with my peers, as a child I very often had take care of and amuse myself.
Holy cows Robert, this is like reading about myself. I'm an only child, my mom was 42 when I was born. I am very good at being alone, because I'm so used to it. I also was more used to adults than kids, and even now have no problem relating to older people.
RobertNL070 From Netherlands, joined Sep 2003, 4550 posts, RR: 9
Reply 24, posted (9 years 6 months 2 weeks 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 1837 times:
Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 23): Holy cows Robert, this is like reading about myself. I'm an only child, my mom was 42 when I was born. I am very good at being alone, because I'm so used to it. I also was more used to adults than kids, and even now have no problem relating to older people.
Kind regards, Robert
Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.
: WOW, are you sure you're not a shrink? How much do you charge?!
26 Pilot kaz
: Lets see..... - Been getting let down by friends often - Was chucked into Foster care when I was young - Never had many friends in School - Been feeli
: Alas, the burden of wisdom weighs heavily on my shoulders.