Skidmarks From UK - England, joined Dec 2004, 7121 posts, RR: 55 Posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3093 times:
Well, where to start. My stepdaughter was raped on Saturday night. Not just raped but assaulted up the backside , causing her to have stitches.
The police have bailed the guy with no restrictions. My wife has gone across to be with her but, how the hell do you deal with something like this?
Where do you start? what do you do? It has really kicked me in the nuts, and she's not even my daughter. All I want to do is go and find this bastard and put his dick through a mangle! And the stick a fuck-off dildo up his arse and see how he likes it!
I feel our life has changed irrevocably for the worse. Where do we go from here?
Jap From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3058 times:
what a horrible, horrible situation... I'm so sorry this had to happen to your step daughter...
As for advise, I'm afraid I'm not very helpful... all I know is that she'll most likely need to talk about it a lot to get through it- not only to a shrink but to her family too- so the best advise I can give you is to be there for her, even though this may seem fairly obvious.
I'm terribly sorry this happened to you- this shouldn't happen to ANYBODY and the person who did this doesn't even deserve to live...
777DadandJr From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 1516 posts, RR: 12
Reply 4, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3043 times:
Let me just start by offering my prayers for your stepdaughter and you and your family.
This is an horrendous circumstance that you have been unexpectedly put into. Though I can empathize with your desire to hammer the crap out of this low life. I know I would feel the same had something like this happened to my son. The fact is, you would only make things worse for you and your stepdaughter.
I'm not a psycologist or anything like that, but I can understand all the feeling you are probably having.
My neighbors mother was murdered last summer, so I can relate.
The only advice I have for you right now, is to be strong, not only for the sake of your own sanity, but also, you need to be strong for her. You must support her in anyway you can. Seek consuling as well, for her and the family. It can be a great comfort.
Be there for her, and let the legal system run it's course with the perpetrator.
Again, my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
My glass is neither 1/2 empty nor 1/2 full, rather, the glass itself is twice as big as it should be.
DLKAPA From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3038 times:
Quoting Jap (Reply 3): I'm terribly sorry this happened to you- this shouldn't happen to ANYBODY and the person who did this doesn't even deserve to live...
From what my sister tells me (she is around inmates at the county lockup on a weekly basis) that Sexual criminals don't last long in prison. That might be some comfort, also knowing that the bastard will rot in hell should certainly provide some small measure of justice?
But really, I have no experience in these cases so I can't really give advice.
Greasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3078 posts, RR: 20
Reply 7, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3036 times:
Contact one of the local rape crisis center. Most cities have them. If not then one in the nearest city. While thye tend to be for the victims of the rape they will privide you with a list of suport services.
I have worked in the rape crisis center here and you step daughter is going to need your support. NOt the "be strong" man type of support. She is going to just need you to be there for her. She will let you know what she needs as long as she feels she can trust you.
I truly am sorry that this had to happen to someone close to you.
For the people who want to beat him up is not going to help HER....This is about her and not anyone elses ego or outrage.
Lets say you did beat the guy. How much help would you be if you were in jail?
[Edited 2005-10-26 22:22:56]
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
EZYAirbus From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2003, 2460 posts, RR: 52
Reply 8, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3027 times:
Andy mate, so sorry to hear this, this bastard certainly doesnt deserve to live, but thats the easy way out, id like to see this guy suffer, an eye for an eye as they say, as you said stick a fucking great dildo up his arse until he needs stitches, lets just hope he is charged and the bastard goes down for a long time.
Ctbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 50
Reply 9, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3024 times:
First off, and I know this sounds patently obvious, but what happened is neither yours, your wife's nor your stepdaughter's fault. Keep that in mind as you deal with this, because self doubt and criticism always seems to surface at these times.
Best way to deal with it is to talk about it, both with your wife and with your stepdaughter. If you are religious someone in your Church may be able to help, but I also know the Police have counselors who can help you deal with these things or can suggest someone who can help.
It can take a long time, but these things do get easier to deal with, but the important thing is to give permission to feel what you are feeling. Are you alone in the house right now? If so, you might want to spend time with your wife and stepdaugher. It does not matter if you don't know what to say. Being there is ultimately more important is anything you say or do.
I'm shocked the guy was bailed out. Years ago my teenage sister was beaten and raped and I felt about the same as you did. What is more important right now though is your stepdaughter's health and helping her and your family through this.
Remember, you are not alone.
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
N1120A From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 26376 posts, RR: 76
Reply 12, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 3000 times:
Andy, I don't know what to say. People like to say things like "you'll get through", "be strong", "this too shall pass" etc. but when an event like this happens that kind of stuff seems just impossible. All I know from having met you a few times and from these forums is that you are a great guy and will be strong in this for your step daughter and your wife. The really important thing to know is that, as much as you wish you could, you can't control things that go on in this situation but you can be proactive in other ways and that is what will get you through it
Quoting Greasespot (Reply 7): Lets say you did beat the guy. How much help would you be if you were in jail?
Precisely. You know full well that the UK is a place where sex offenders are shown less quarter that pretty much anywhere in the world. This bastard will spend plenty of quality time at Her Magesty's Leisure and probably get lots more pain inflicted on him by big, violent criminals who still despise his type as much as you do.
Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
ScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 14, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2969 times:
Oh my God, Andy, I am so sorry. How awful, how terrible.
Please take the above advice to heart and talk to a counsellor, your religious leader, or a crisis group. Don't be ashamed. Don't let her be ashamed. She did nothing wrong. What a horrible thing to have to deal with. Encourage her to get help.
Anger is a perfectly natural feeling to have - I think any caring dad must have huge amounts of anger in such a situation. However, as was pointed out above, you beating up the guy and going to jail won't help. Do everything you can within the legal system.
Very big hugs to you, and your wife, and most importantly your daughter.
Captaink From Mexico, joined May 2001, 5109 posts, RR: 12
Reply 16, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2948 times:
Very very terrible tragedy. I hope you continue to be of support to your stepdaughter as she will definitely need it. I also hope justice prevails but as one guy mentioned, all you attention and love should be focus on your daughter. I hope she feels better soon, physically and emotionally.
TheSorcerer From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2005, 1048 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2918 times:
Oh dear, can't really imagine how you feel ATM. Sorry 2 hear it.
Why did they bail the guy? Was there not enough evidence?
Anyway I don't think it'll be long before he gets beaten up by someone, I think rapist are despised all over the world.
All the best to you and your family , especially your step daughter.
ALITALIA,All Landings In Torino, All Luggage In Athens ;)
I have had to deal with a rape case as a youthworker and THE most important thing is that your daughter is counselled in such a way that she doesn't feel it is her fault. This is a fairly common reaction and by far the most destructive, letting her express feelings of hate will help as her feelings will then not turn in on herself and that is what you must avoid at all costs.
This isn't something that will go away I'm afraid, we all live with our traumas but don't just suck it up and get on with life, express that anger and articulate your grief (Counsellors are paid to listen and never tell you to shut up) take time to fully unload and worry about where to next once the feelings begin to subside.
If it is any help, I know 4 or 5 rape victims and they all seem to handle it better than some of their family members have and they do lead normal lives.
And, as one bloke to another, if they catch the bastard, he will get a good hiding and several rogerings in prison, it ain't PC but it helps!
Bikergirl From Belgium, joined Sep 2005, 56 posts, RR: 6
Reply 19, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 2890 times:
The horror dream of every girl I think.
Truely sorry this happened to someone so close to you.
If you want some advice (for what its worth) just be very patient and let her talk as much as she wants to get it out of her system.
Also try to convince her that she was in no part to blame for this.
Victims sometimes convince themselves that they had it comming to them just to try to explain to themselves why it happened.
Show her that you're mad at the person who did it but make absolutely sure that you show her that you keep yourself in hand and don't get her starting to worry about you doing something stupid, she doesn't need an extra worry now.
My best girlfriend at school also got mollested 2 yrs ago and she felt really bad for almost 1 yr but it did get better (because her family and friends where so supportive), you'll have to believe that things will get better again.
If you do that so will she.
All my best wishes to your stephdaughter and also your family.
Hang on Andy.
Redngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 45
Reply 21, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 2867 times:
Andy, I am so sorry to hear about this.
Right now you're grieving. You're angry. You want to go out and kill the SOB that did this - but that would make things so much worse. The best thing for you to do is get help from the rape crisis people and stay with your stepdaughter and your family. If you go out and commit another crime, no matter how much the bastard deserves it, you won't be able to be with your family. You need to be with them right now.
Your life will go on and so will your stepdaughter's. That doesn't mean the coming days, weeks, months, or even years, will be easy. She will have to come to terms with what happened. It's important that you are with her to listen, cry with her, let her know that she didn't do anything to cause this, and that above all you love her in the real sense of the word.
ANCFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 2806 times:
Andy, rape is one of the most violent of crimes, and those responsible are never treated well by law enforcement or their fellow inmates. Perhaps there is a little comfort in knowing that . . . he will be in for a very rough ride for a very long time.
My sympathies . . . to you, your family and your step daughter.