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TV One Liners!  
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 2430 times:

OK, we've had two movie one liners, how about some TV one liners

Here are two of my favs!


That's not a maharinces that's a Hena rinses!

and of course:

Jane, you ignorant slut!

57 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2423 times:

Quoting Dtwclipper (Thread starter):
Jane, you ignorant slut!

Weekend Update, SNL


User currently offlineEMBQA From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 9364 posts, RR: 11
Reply 2, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2421 times:

D'oooh....!!!

filler
filler



"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog"
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2421 times:

"Are you running for something?

No, Mr...., Are you?"


edit: these go together. they are not seperate quotes

[Edited 2005-11-06 16:49:47]

User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2417 times:

"But it is increasingly clear to this reporter that the only rational way out then will be to negotiate, not as victors, but as an honorable people who lived up to their pledge to defend democracy, and did the best they could."

"Oh Boy!"


User currently offlineStlgph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 9293 posts, RR: 25
Reply 5, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2412 times:

"Autobots, transform....and roll out."


"Form feet and legs. Form arms and body. And I'll form...the head!"



Eternal darkness we all should dread. It's hard to party when you're dead.
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2412 times:

"I see nothing!"

"JETSON!!"


User currently offlineAzoresLover From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 751 posts, RR: 6
Reply 7, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2409 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Newman, to Jerry: "I'm just a LIT-tle disappointed..."

Jerry, interrupting: "You're not a little anything, Newman!"



Those who want to do something will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse.
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2403 times:

Quoting AzoresLover (Reply 7):
Newman, to Jerry: "I'm just a LIT-tle disappointed..."

Jerry, interrupting: "You're not a little anything, Newman!"

Seinfeld


User currently offlineWhiteHatter From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2375 times:

Saturday 29th November, Most Haunted Live, historian Richard Jones:

“It was quite common for the prostitutes to deal with seaman from the port authority”

after which he realised what he had said then turned bright red...well it was the highlight of four nights of absolute bollocks!


User currently offlineN200WN From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 784 posts, RR: 6
Reply 10, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2359 times:

Edith: "Aawchie, how do ya want me to lace your shoes?"

Archie: "Through the holes, Edith, through the holes!"


User currently offlineSQNo1 From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2004, 687 posts, RR: 1
Reply 11, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2357 times:

Anything To Do With Little Britain

"Eh, Eh, Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"Bitty"
"Computer Says No!"
"Yeah But No but Yeah But No But................"
"Yes but i'm the only gay in the village"

Priceless, Award Winning Comedy"

With Regards,
Alex.B


User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 50
Reply 12, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2352 times:

"I'll carry on,
Carry over
Carry out
Carry a tune
Carry me back to ol' Virginia
I'll even Hari Carry if you show me how,
But I will NOT carry a gun!"

"Will you stifle yourself!"

"This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news!"

"Dy-no-mite!"

And for all you Brits out there:

"Stupid boy!"

"You stupid woman!"

"Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once."

"Good Moaning"

"I'm free!"

"It's Bou-quet"

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2351 times:

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 12):
I'll carry on,
Carry over
Carry out
Carry a tune
Carry me back to ol' Virginia
I'll even Hari Carry if you show me how,
But I will NOT carry a gun!"

Alan Alda M*A*S*H


User currently offlinePyrex From Portugal, joined Aug 2005, 3928 posts, RR: 28
Reply 14, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2345 times:

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 12):
"Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once."

One of the best TV phrases ever. In the topic of British Comedy:

"No no no no no... yes"

These two are from South Park (Cartman):

"Rispect ma otho-ri-tie"

"Screw you guys, I'm going home"



Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
User currently offlineCanuckpaxguy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2348 times:

3rd Rock From the Sun. (Dick is dressed as a pirate at some fancy costume party).

Filler person: "Great costume Dick! Where are your buckaneers?"
Dick: "Under my buckin' hat! .

G


User currently offlineSeb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11520 posts, RR: 15
Reply 16, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2343 times:

"Sweetie DAAAHHH-ling!!"

"....just like I know that outfit is a fiesta del failure."

"Hi! I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl." (bonus points if you know their names at birth)

GO CANUCKS!!



Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2342 times:

Hello, is that Mr Akbar? Mrs Slocombe here, your next door neighbour. I wonder - would you do me a little favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, look through the letter box... and if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?

I hope were not going to be late tonight. I've left Winston clinging to the curtain rail, he refuses to come down. The mere sight of my pussy drives him mad.



On the mantelpiece in my parlour I've got a whole row of silver cups.

Oh. And what are they for?

They're for my pussy. Do you know, it wins a prize every time I show it!

When people ask you what you have for breakfast, don't tell them cornflakes. You eat an exclusive european high fibre breakfast.

This is a great day for me Richard, with my outdoors indoors luxury barbeque with finger buffet.

[Edited 2005-11-06 19:48:15]

User currently offlineWrenchBender From Canada, joined Feb 2004, 1779 posts, RR: 9
Reply 18, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2330 times:

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 12):
"Stupid boy!"

Arthur Lowe as Capt Mainwaring to the mommy's boy in 'Dads Army'

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 17):
Hello, is that Mr Akbar? Mrs Slocombe here, your next door neighbour. I wonder - would you do me a little favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, look through the letter box... and if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?
I hope were not going to be late tonight. I've left Winston clinging to the curtain rail, he refuses to come down. The mere sight of my pussy drives him mad.
On the mantelpiece in my parlour I've got a whole row of silver cups.
Oh. And what are they for?
They're for my pussy. Do you know, it wins a prize every time I show it!

Mrs Slocum 'Are you being served?'

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 17):
When people ask you what you have for breakfast, don't tell them cornflakes. You eat an exclusive european high fibre breakfast.
This is a great day for me Richard, with my outdoors indoors luxury barbeque with finger buffet.

Hyacinthe Bucket 'Keeping Up Appearances'

"Until then, it's goodnight from me."
"And it's goodnight from him."

WrenchBender



Silly Pilot, Tricks are for kids.......
User currently offlineDaleaholic From UK - England, joined Oct 2005, 3206 posts, RR: 13
Reply 19, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2325 times:

Viva La bam:

Bam asks vito: "Vito, do you know where Brazil is?"
Vito replies: "Of course I know where it is! It's in the Bahamas bam!"

Couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes!

[Edited 2005-11-06 20:10:35]


Religion is an illusion of childhood... Outgrown under proper education.
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2310 times:

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 12):
"Will you stifle yourself!"

"This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news!"

"Dy-no-mite!"

Respectively...

Archie, "All in the Family"
Ted, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"
JJ, "Good Times"

Bonus Points: What British show was "All In The Family" based on?
Clue: It's credited at the end of every episode.

[Edited 2005-11-06 20:18:03]

User currently offlineWrenchBender From Canada, joined Feb 2004, 1779 posts, RR: 9
Reply 21, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2302 times:

Quoting SATL382G (Reply 20):
Bonus Points: What British show was "All In The Family" based on?
Clue: It's credited at the end of every episode.

'Til Death Do Us Part', 'Archie Bunker' was based on 'Alf Garnett'

WrenchBender



Silly Pilot, Tricks are for kids.......
User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2299 times:

Quoting WrenchBender (Reply 21):
'Til Death Do Us Part', 'Archie Bunker' was based on 'Alf Garnett'

Ding, Ding!! We have a winner!

I thought it would a tougher question though.....


User currently offlineDtwclipper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2298 times:

Quoting WrenchBender (Reply 21):
Quoting SATL382G (Reply 20):
Bonus Points: What British show was "All In The Family" based on?
Clue: It's credited at the end of every episode.

'Til Death Do Us Part', 'Archie Bunker' was based on 'Alf Garnett'

WrenchBender

Bonus bonus question....what show is "three's company" based on?


User currently offlineSATL382G From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 24, posted (8 years 8 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 2293 times:

Quoting Dtwclipper (Reply 23):
Bonus bonus question....what show is "three's company" based on?

Man About The House


Ok Triple Bonus: "Sanford and Son" was based on what Brit show?


25 Dtwclipper : "Steptoe and Son"
26 SATL382G : We need harder questions I guess......
27 Ctbarnes : Wasn't it called something like, "Man About the House?" Easy! The Two Ronnies Newhart (Can't remember their names at birth, though). Could only be Ab
28 Post contains images Ctbarnes : You DIRTY old man! Charles, SJ
29 Dtwclipper : Must be the Golden Girls
30 WrenchBender : 'Man about the House' another quote from a Britcom 'Oooooh, Betty' WrenchBender
31 Dtwclipper : How about this gem: If Barbra Streisand and your mother were drowning, who would you save? Well, of course, I'd save my mother. Barbra can walk on wat
32 AsstChiefMark : Kenny's lyrics from the South Park theme song: "I like girls with big fat titties I love girls with big vaginas"
33 Dragon-wings : "Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?" "Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?" "How's life treating you, Norm?" "Like it
34 Silverfox : Stupid boy Have any of the Brits heard the Janet and John dialogues on Wogan? To help others they are written like a early learning school book See Jo
35 ANCFlyer : Sgt Shultz, Hogan's Heros - one of my favorites. Hawkeye Pierece . . .and Falcon84 . . . M.A.S.H. - another favorite.
36 KBFIspotter : "I don't think so, Tim" "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!!" Kris KBFIspotter
37 Post contains images JetTrader : From Moonlighting... Maddy - "Sex doesn't cure anything." (or similar...I forget the precise wording) David - "Well actually it's a well known cure fo
38 Knighty : The second Blackadder series, first episode, "Beer".
39 QANTASforever : "For a woman of her age she has a pretty nice pair of tits" Graham Kennedy referring to Queen Elizabeth II, 1989. QFF
40 EI747SYDNEY : [quote=Stlgph,reply=5]Autobots, transform....and roll out."[/quote TRANSFORMERS Rob
41 Scamp : One of mine is actually longer than a "one-liner," but... Julia: Excuse me, aren't you Marjorie Lee Winnick, the current Miss Georgia World? Marjorie:
42 Bobster2 : Daphne: Now come now Dr. Crane, hasn't a man ever used sex to get what he wants? Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex IS what
43 Bobster2 : After finding out his father was The Big Giant Head: Dick: I don't know who I am anymore! Harry: Well, your first name is Dick, and your last name is
44 Kevinl1011 : "Paging Dr. Howard..Dr. Fein, Dr. Howard".
45 ANCFlyer : My heroes!!! Spike has them on at midnight Alaska time . . . The Three Stooges Slap-Happy Hour. Give me Moe, Larrry and Curly any time.
46 TUNisia : M*A*S*H - "You know sometimes I think there should be a rule of war saying you have to see someone up close and get to know 'em before it's ok to shoo
47 Kevinl1011 : AW! .....A Wiseguy!
48 KBFIspotter : Grounds Keeper Willie: "Lunchlady Doris, have you got any grease?" Lunchlady Doris: "Yes, yes we do!" Grounds Keeper Willie: (rips off shirt) "Then gr
49 HAWK21M : Shoot first,ask questions later...... regds MEL
50 Dragon-wings : Some from Seinfeld George - Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? Jerry - Looking at cleavage i
51 PHLBOS : Don't you tell me what is illegal, I happen to be a police officer! I have nothing to do with intelligence. ...our daughter's dating Rambo! Here's a l
52 Homer71 : "Taxi" that was hilarious, what made it funnier was it kept going on and on. Another one from "Cheers": "What are you up to, Norm?" "My ideal weight
53 PITA333 : Either of these two: Jerry (in a funny voice, trying to imitate her girlfriends belly button): "HELOOOOOOOOO!" or Chirs Farley (durring the skit "Morn
54 PHLBOS : Another Cheers one involving Norm: -How's life treating you, Mr. Peterson? -Pour. -Do you loose some money? -No, POUR! (gestures w/his hand) A few oth
55 Alias1024 : The first one will probably be pretty easy. The second may prove to be more of a challenge. "Abby's not around tonight. We could turn the White House
56 DaddiesSecret : 'You're as far from a dirtbag as they come Miss Davenport' 'Want to know what Caribou tastes like? - Not Chicken!' 'Bite through my ball sack Nibbles!
57 Learpilot : The jerk store called, they're running out of you.
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