DISCLAIMER:

Due to popular demand, here is a speculative trip report on Singapore_Air’s recent trip to Vietnam on Singapore Airlines. As has been stated in other areas of the forum, absolutely no offence is met – we’re just taking advantage of Singapore_Air’s excellent sense of humour.

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The week prior to December 14th proved to be an extraordinarily busy one as I scooted around London completing all the final details before flying to Vietnam on the world’s finest airline – Singapore Airlines Limited.

This resulted in me having to visit Madame Tussauds Wax Works to reclaim the Singapore Girl as my personal gift to Singapore Airlines’ Chief Executive Officer, Dr. Cheong Choong Kong who is, as of February 2003, no longer the CEO of this great organisation. At Madame Tussauds, the staff were surprisingly unhelpful which left me deeply depressed that this poor Singapore Girl had had to endure such mistreatment for such a prolonged period of her life. Of further and greater concern was the fact that they were unaware of my status within Singapore Airlines and I was, to say the least, utterly appalled at the mistreatment accorded to me as the Chief Chairman of SIA.

Nevertheless, the Singapore Girl manikin was retrieved successfully and I returned home with her sitting on my lap, admiring that wonderful Sarong Kebaya in all its glory and decided that I should, in order to further my familiarisation of their operation, would have to make sure I was full bottle on dressing and undressing in times of need. Upon returning home, my mother was instructed to start cooking for the passengers travelling on SQ 317. This required my other to bake Beluga Caviar for First Class and my father to distil his ethanol to create Dom Perignon Champagne for my complimentary banquet to be held at the boarding gate. As my mother and father slaved, I took it upon myself to call every Singapore Airlines employee personally to remind them of my presence on the following day’s flight to Singapore. Given my authority within this great organisation, this caused quite a fuss which resulted in many staff inadvertently “hanging up” in the panic as they remembered of the “Khoa Huynh Contingency Plan”. Of course this is to be expected when such an important character such as myself is travelling and I had every confidence that the trip would go without a hitch.

On the night of the 13th, things were in full swing as the Beluga Caviar was competed. My mother and I came to the conclusion that, considering the status of Singapore Airlines’ First Class passengers, we should create the exclusive “Singapore Airlines Beluga Caviar Range” with a personalised white appearance – the result utterly magnificent. My father too continued to slave copiously over his exclusive Dom Perignon, also coming up with a special lemonade flavour exclusively for SIA’s passengers. At around 11pm, a Chief Stewardess called by to finalise my packing arrangements and ensure my presentation for the following day would be up to scratch and I went to sleep at midnight confident that every effort had been made to ensure that my tour of Singapore Airlines would run as smoothly as possible.

At 7am on the morning of travel, the cabin crew bus arrived and took my luggage for the flight whilst I travelled in the Rolls Royce Silver Seraph leased by Koh Boon Hwee for the day from Her Majesty for my transfers in London. As I neared the airport, it was heartening to see every London-based SIA employee lining the motorway on the way to Heathrow as a sign of respect for my great position within Singapore Airlines. At the check-in area it was of course my duty to run the show and I personally made sure that every passenger was personally checked in by myself in order to ensure the finest quality standards. Whilst checking in each passenger, they were of course briefed on the flight, the history of Singapore Airlines and tips for a great travel experience, lasting approximately 20 minutes. Everyone was incredibly interested in my engaging tutorial and were most thankful for the valuable information I had so kindly provided for them. It was an enjoyable experience checking in everyone and as I left the check in counter, an announcement was made over the PA system that Dr. Khoa would be walking through the terminal and to line the walkway as a sign of respect and admiration. The walk was long and I decided that I would have the Rolls Royce brought into the terminal in order to transport Singapore Airlines’ superior passengers to the lavish banquet at the boarding gate.

Naturally, the tension rose as I arrived at the gate and the passengers laughed as I sang the “SIA Song” which was a rendition which left not a dry eye in the house. The mood was set for a great flight and I took the liberty to provide information on the mechanics of the famous Singapore Girl service before boarding the ‘WOPPY’ and testing every single seat in the aircraft of its operation. Further, I took it upon myself to complete the pre-flight checks of all flight controls and briefed the pilots on the flight ahead and what their required actions during the course of the flight. Obviously, they were impressed by my desire and willingness to assist them even with my hectic schedule and concluded by saying that should they have any problems on questions on how to fly the ‘WOPPY’ they would be extremely grateful if I would be able to answer them.

As the passengers filed aboard I practiced the in-flight announcements and tried my hardest to get the famous SIA intonation just right and cleared my nose especially so that it would sound as nasal as possible. I then scooted into the First Class lavatory and put on my purple Female In-flight Supervisor Kebaya and waxed my upper lip. How good it felt to be in such a figure-hugging outfit – a symbol of grace based upon the ethos of customer service. Kudos to myself I must say. I also decided that it would be appropriate for me to do the safety demonstration as it is not often SIA passengers get to see such a celebrity carrying out such a wonderful action. Needless to say, it went off without a hitch and our ‘WOPPY’ took off into British airspace 45-minutes late bound for the sublimely perfect island nation of Singapore, the home to the world’s finest airline – Singapore Airlines Limited.

In the cabin, I visited every passenger and instructed the crew on the ideals of excellent customer service and made a special presentation on Krisworld about SIA”s financial status over the last twenty five years – a thoroughly fascinating presentation for the whole family to enjoy and many passengers were deeply moved as they cried – obviously stunned at the success of this great airline. Meal time was equally interesting but I decided that given my position of authority, it wouldn’t be good form to be serving the passengers myself. Instead, I took a break and tested the functions of the Skysuite and redecorated the forward lavatory with a Singapore Airlines mosaic as a most elegant touch.

As we neared the end of the flight I took my seat in the flight deck to make the landing. Unfortunately, the weather has been quite horrid in Singapore surprisingly given its standing in the world. Nevertheless, I made a beautiful touchdown on 02 on Singapore soil. It was reported that a chunk of the bitumen was dug up but that is entirely impossible because it was a Singapore Airlines aircraft and SIA aircraft are incapable of doing any wrong. Naturally it was the fault of the stupid Cathay Pacific pilots on B-HOY who landed behind us (Cathay always gets held whilst the superior SIA lands). Things were in full swing and I thanked the passengers for travelling Singapore Airlines and wished them a very good afternoon. The weather in Singapore really was strange because as soon as the passengers stepped of the aircraft they exploded into laughter – SIA will have to change these humid conditions because its most strange indeed. Prior to disembarking I viewed all lavatory video tapes of the Singapore girls before bidding them farewell and thanking them for working at Singapore Airlines.

If Flight SQ 317 was busy, my transit in Singapore was frenetic as I raced to a shareholder’s briefing as an opportunity to outline SIA’s financial performance, strategic planning and executive movements. I was furious at the fact that Cheong’s Mercedes S600L wasn’t there and forced myself to bow down to the lower-class standards of having to travel by bus with my beautiful model. Upon arrival Cheong apologised profusely and stated that they had expected Her Majesty to make the arrangements given my status which is quite understandable because SIA doesn’t and won’t ever make mistakes.

The briefing went well and the media were utterly dazzled by my quirky nature and excellent sense of humour and reinforced the fact that JUBBY and WOPPY are far more appropriate for SIA’s aircraft. It was with immense pleasure that I thanked Dr. Cheong for his outstanding achievements on SIA. Some were however a little disappointed that I forgot to touch on the recent investments SIA has made. In all the pomp and ceremony of the occasion it unfortunately escaped my mind. But never mind, there are plenty more investments to talk about. Cheong was elated at the Singapore Girl manikin and put her on his shoulders in a baby carrier which was most symbolic of SIA today. As a personal token of my parent’s appreciation, they presented him with a tub of specially-created Oinkywoinkywaxycheong for his daily face polishing. Again, he was elated and naturally announced me as taking over his position as CEO as well as the Chief Chairman over the coming years. But my commitments didn’t stop there and I bid Cheong and the team farewell before rushing to SIA engineering to investigate rumours of malfunctioning Spacebeds. The rumours were of course unfounded given that they are on Singapore Airlines and I issued a public statement brutalising Cathay Pacific for trying to sabotage out product with their pointless propaganda.

The time came for me to rush to board SQ 174 to Ho Chi Minh City and I decided that it would be appropriate to travel in the cargo hold to keep a close eye on the passengers’ Louis Vuitton luggage in sacred Singapore Airlines containers. I hope you’ve enjoyed my report and have a better insight into the wonderful Singapore Airlines. As a special Christmas treat I shall be providing each end every one of you with a complimentary 3000-page report and for a limited time with a signed autograph!

Singapore Airlines – Now more than ever a great way to fly