In an effort to make the next couple of weeks bearable, we proudly present: The Official Tribe Olympic Drinking Game...
Nothing planned other than a fortnight of catatonic couch potatoism? Well, this is bound to turn even synchronised swimming into a good laugh. Gather all your mates and your chosen poison, and remember - Tribe in no way encourages excessive consumption of alcohol. Goodness no...
Take a small sip when:
- There's really inane commentary (take two if it's Bruce McAvaney). MC decides.
- An Aussie wins a swimming event. Bonus drink if it's without a swimming suit.
- They show the Opera House or Outback in a cheesy 'Welcome to Sydney' segment.
- Some jock 'faults' at the start. Not applicable for tennis faults, only swimming or athletics.
- The Olympic Village where the athletes are staying is shown.
Take 2 sips when:
- Someone falls over, gets injured, or gets a wedgie on the balance beam. Any other embarrassing stuff-ups are negotiable for the MC to decide.
- An athlete is disqualified for any reason.
- An athlete gets busted for drugs. Win a bonus drink if they're recreational.
- New Zealand wins a medal.
- They play Carmina Burana (that chanty medieval song) over a montage of sporting highlights.
- There's 2 or more Aussies on the podium
- A competitor cries.
- You witness an outstanding display of 'Aussieness' ie: a 'VB carton' or 'shark' hat, a boxing kangaroo flag, Hard Yakka singlet or some dick wearing an Akubra. The MC must decide if the Aussie display is worthy of a scull or not.
- There's a streaker. Scull twice if you see frontal.
1. A different MC must be nominated for each day's Olympic viewing. He or she has the final say on whether a person must drink or not, and must wear a unique item of clothing such as a hat or jacket that is passed on to the following day's MC. The MC must keep a copy of these rules & guidelines with them at all times.
2. At no time is a participating person allowed to make a 'pointing' gesture, they must point using their elbow. Pointing is considered rude and disrespectful of the MC, who must punish offenders with a drink.
3. Before each day's competition, each person must select an Australian athlete who will be in competition that day. Those names must be placed into a hat and each draws one from it at random.
3.a. EVERY time your athlete is mentioned that day you must raise your glass and sing the two words "WALTZING MATILDA." If the person fails to do this, or is absent from the room, the MC must enforce that they take a drink.
3.b. If your athlete wins any medal (other than gold) you must take a drink, and the MC must award you with a hug. If the MC fails to give you a hug, he/she must take a drink and shout "I HAVE DONE A GREAT DISSERVICE TO MY COUNTRY".
3.c. If your athlete wins gold, you must sing along to the entire national anthem and everyone in the room must award you with a dollar coin. The MC must also award you with a hug.
4. Every time a multinational commercial is aired on telly (such as 'Coke' or 'McDonald's'), everyone must alternate between saying either "DICK" or "SMITH" (Aussie product legend). For example, if somebody says "DICK" twice in a row without saying "SMITH", they must drink.
I am gonna be a total maggot when this is all over