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How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

Wed Nov 15, 2000 9:13 am

Hey everyone, someone sent this to me this morning and I got a huge laugh out of it. Whats your favourite one?

mb


1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
and point a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom.
(Don't disguise your voice.)

3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com.au>
Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.au>

4) Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with
that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join
you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk
and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to
espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks,
write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with,
"That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with
"In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others
that you like it that way.

13) Don't use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather
than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are.

16) Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and
buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is
especially effective if your boss is the
opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
company to tell them what you're doing.
For example: If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom.

21) Put mosquito netting around your
cubicle.

22) Five days in advance, tell your
friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for
emergencies

24) Call the psychic hotline and just
say, "Guess"

25) Have your co-workers address you
by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26) When the money comes out of the
ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time
this week!!!"

27) When leaving the Zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
in my head that bother me, its the voices
in your head that do"

29) Tell your children over dinner.
"Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go"

30) Everytime you see a broom yell
"Honey, your mother is here"


Cheers!


mb
 
tbar220
Posts: 6706
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2000 12:08 pm

RE: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

Wed Nov 15, 2000 9:20 am

LOL! Great stuff mb! Keep it coming!

  Tzvika
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How To Respond To A Telemarketer

Wed Nov 15, 2000 9:24 am

How to respond to a telemarketer:

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the h--l she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends ... would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Say good by - and Hang up.

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
 
DeltaRNOmd-80
Posts: 1979
Joined: Sat May 13, 2000 7:42 am

RE: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

Wed Nov 15, 2000 10:06 am

LOL  
 
LH423
Posts: 5868
Joined: Sun Jul 11, 1999 6:27 am

RE: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

Wed Nov 15, 2000 11:29 am

hehe. Pretty good. Definitely going to use some of those tele-marketer plans.

LH423
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