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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Wed Nov 15, 2000 6:43 pm

Here are the answers to the age old question -

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

JOHN HOWARD:
According to documentation submitted to the Live Foods Processing Authority, the chicken in question was uncooked at the time of its journey and therefore will not incur a GST charge. However, if that Chicken actually crossed the road for profit, regardless of its raw/cooked status, the road crossing would be considered by the ATO to be a service for which GST will be imposed. Stop making fun of my eyebrows.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

REV. FRED NILE:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. It is the will of Jesus and the Lord that we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and vilolence by
counter-revolutionary terrorists and we were forced to defend ourselves from the menace of the chicken by dropping 500 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

BILL GATES:
We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

THE CIA:
Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Plese step into the car, sir.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define the word "chicken"?

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
 
Thom@s
Posts: 11674
Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 2:03 am

RE: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Wed Nov 15, 2000 7:58 pm

Exellent Scotty.  

Thom@s
"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Thu Nov 16, 2000 4:35 am

Thomas Aquinas:

We need to discern whether crossing the road was a deliberate act of reason. If this is indeed so, how does this chicken crossing the road promote the common good, and what virtues are at work in it?

Plato

What is a chicken? Is it a mass of bones and sinews that acts of its own accord without regard to what is good? Or does it have a soul that makes it long for the form that would be on the other side. Yet it would only be able to cross the road and attain the form only if the soul were released from the body (which is entirely possible if it were a busy street-ed.).

Feminist Critique:

The chicken was obviously crossing the road in order to escape the oppression of a white male dominated society which degrades chickens by forcing them to adhere to mysoginistic gender stereotypes.

God, it must be late in the term...

Charles
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
Guest

RE: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Fri Nov 17, 2000 10:51 am

George Bush:
The chicken saw a thousand points of light, and felt it was prudent to cross... what do you mean I still have 45 seconds?

George W. Bush:
HeHeHe, chicken....

John F. Kennedy:
The chicken chose to go to the other side! It chose to go to the other side and do the other things, not because it was easy, but because it was hard.

Ayatollah Khomeni:
The chicken is a traitor and will be dealt with.

Patrick Henry:
I know not what course other chickens may take, but this chicken shall be granted the right the cross the road as thy pleases, when thy pleases.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
Ultimately, what does it matter?

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