And here are the nominees for the "Best Line in a Comedy routine".
Firstly, we have:
"Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb."
-- Spoken by Dark Helmet in Spaceballs
The second nominee is:
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
-- Jeff Stilson
The third nominee is:
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
-- Rita Rudner
The fourth nominee is:
"If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for the schoolchildren of Texas."
-- Texas Gov. James Ferguson, 1917, explaining why he vetoed a bill funding the teaching of foreign languages in Texas schools. (A relative of Bush maybe???)
The fifth nominee is:
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they
take them off."
-- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
The sixth nominee is:
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner."
-- Lynda Montgomery
The seventh nominee is:
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"
-- Larry Miller
The eigth nominee is:
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother
-- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values
The ninth nominee is:
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money."
-- Kevin Meaney
The tenth nominee is:
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. (I think that Reagan used this line in relation to the Iran-Contra affair as well)
The eleventh nominee is:
Stuff it...let's just give Dusty the trophy right here and right now.
So Dusty, which nation is going to all of a sudden turn and attack Canada? Greenland? Iceland? Swaziland? Lesotho? Or maybe Kiribati.
That's it......it has gotta be Kiribati.
Like I mentioned before the I-Kiribati are developing coconut-tipped warheads, which will be used in an offensive against the "sovereign power of the United States of America" (sorry, watched Clear and Present Danger last night). So maybe they are planning an attack on Canada as well huh?