your stall warning horn plays "Dixie"
your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as check points
you've ever used moonshine as avgas
you have mud flaps on your wheel pants
you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight
your toothpick keeps poking your mike
you constantly confuse beechcraft with beechnut
just before inpact your heard saying "Hey yal, watch this"
you have a blach airplane with a big "3" on the side
you've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer
you use a Purina feed bag as a wind sock
you wouldn't be caught dead flying a Grumman "Yankee"
you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy"
there's a sign on the side of you aircraft advertising your septic tankservice.
You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
You're matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
You've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.
You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
You siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.
You've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.
You've ground looped after hitting a cow.
You consider anything over 100"AGL to be high altitude flight.
There are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.
You've never actually seen a sectional but have all of the Texaco road maps for your flying area.
There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
You have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.
You use your parachute to cover your plane.
You've ever landed on the main street of town to get a cup of coffee.
The tread pattern, if any, on your main tires doesn't match.
Your primary comm. radio has 90 channels.
You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
You put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
Your flight instructor's day job is at the community sales barn.
You've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.
There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
The FAA still thinks you live at your parents' house.
Your hangar collapses and more than 4 dogs are injured.
Somewhere on your airplane is an "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.
You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
When you go to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
You think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
Just before the crash, everybody at the airport heard you say, "Hey, y'all watch this!!