My dad e-mailed this to me (He's also an aviation fan, and an Northwest fan).
Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, recently submitted by QANTAS pilots to maintenance engineers.
After attending to the squawks, maintainance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks.
(P-The problem logged by the pilot)
(S-The solution and action taken by the engineers)
P-Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
S-Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P-Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S-Autoland not equipped on this aircraft.
P-No. 2 propellor seeping some fluid
S-No. 2 propellor seepage nominal- Nos 1,3,4 propellors lack normal seepage.
P-Something loose in cockpit
S-Something tightened in cockpit
P-Dead bugs on windscreen
S-Live bugs on backorder
P-Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces 200 fpm decent rate
S-Cannot reproduce problem on ground
P-Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
P-DME volumeunbelievably loud
S-Volume set to more believable level
P-Friction locks cause throttles to stick
S-That's what they are there for!
S-IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
P-Suspected crack in windscreen
S-Suspect you're right
P-Number 3 engine missing
S-Engine found on right wing after brief search
P-Aircraft handles funny
S-Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
P-Target radar hums
S-Reprogrammed target radar with words
P-Mouse in cockpit