JohnFKelly
Topic Author
Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2001 7:32 am

Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Sun Mar 04, 2001 9:21 am

After careful analysis by top research scientists, and consultation of the National Farmers Union, a new, "more humane" plan of action has been determined to rid the United Kingdom of mad cow disease and Foot and Mouth disease.

"We must still make ever effort to remove the infected cattle and sanitize affected areas. However, we will not be forced to destroy as many cattle as we originally thought. As it is, there are so many stupid cows in this country...we could not possibly destroy them all," Tony Blair said Thursday, in a press conference from 10 Downing Street.

Calling the plan a "triumph of diplomatic relations," Blair has reached an agreement with Ireland for the immediate sale of some of the contaminated cattle. This decision came after England's Health Secretary declared the beef fit for Irish Consumption. "Our top scientists did some tests on stray moggies in London's East End. The scientists are unsure as to whether Foot and Mouth will spread throughout Ireland, but they are almost 60% certain that Irish people who consume British beef will not die of fatal brain diseases."

Irish leaders were rather confused as to why Britain was offering the beef at such low prices, and were reluctant to accept, citing the current lack of a potato famine. "We aren't all gullible Kerrymen, like you Brits like to think. I detect some serious blarney here, and I suspect we won't be getting the best quality, but we'll take it all the same," Bertie Ahern said Friday.

Margaret Thatcher protested the decision, asking, "Has he (Blair) gone off his rocker? Someone needs to stick a foot in his mouth."

Tony Blair countered, "What else would you expect from that mad cow? Why won't she kick the bucket already??"

According to the plan, more than four million pounds of British beef will hit Irish grocery-store shelves later this week. "The British cattle is high in many essential nutrients, such as protein, iron and Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy," said Tony Blair during negotiations with Irish leaders. "Eat some ever day, micks!"

Blair will also be sending some of the cattle to Australia. "We will be using Qantas as the airline of transport. Giving their recent record in transporting animals, we feel the Aussies have nothing to worry about."

People in the United States have taken note of the England's plan. President Bush was quoted as saying, "Anything that keeps other countries from wantin' that fine Texan beefsteak is fine by me." President Bush also hopes that Odwalla Juices Inc. will consider exporting their goods to Ireland.

In other news, pop group N Sync issued a written statement Friday denying allegations that they have arranged for a "Lorena Bobbit-esque" fate for the members of Irish band U2. "We may be a little jealous that they got Record of the Year, but we certainly we wouldn't wish to inflict any of our afflictions on another group."
 
Guest

Foot And Mouth

Sun Mar 04, 2001 9:37 pm

You seem to be getting 'Foot and Mouth' confused with 'mad cow disease'! Foot and Mouth is the current threat to English farmers. It is a disease where the animals foot and mouth get blisters and rot. The meat is OK to eat and can not be pasted on to humans, however they are destroying them to revent the spread of the disease. The UK has solved the mad cow disease problem and now France and Germany are trying to do the same, after saying they did not have it. Also there have been reports about it in Texas! Which is a much larger problem as they use cows brains for muscle builders formula's.
Please do a bit more research on such important topics!
Iain
 
Ikarus
Posts: 3391
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 10:18 pm

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Sun Mar 04, 2001 10:49 pm

This is just another satire.........

PS: The mad cow disease is far from being solved. Just because the British killed all old animals does not mean the illness doesn't exist - they are just killing off those animals where it would be most detectable. France and Germany even today have far fewer cases than Britain. (I believe Britain has somewhere between 1000 and 10000 cases, France and Germany are still below 100). Also, where did you get the infos on Texas from? I am really interested - as I have only eaten beef in America for the past 8 years or so.

God, I'm glad I haven't eaten beef for 8 years in Europe. And I have stopped eating sheep& lamb about half a year ago, when I read a report about BSE jumping species to sheep as well....

 
Guest

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Sun Mar 04, 2001 11:00 pm

Ikarus
You seem to enjoy winding me up! Don't you think it is pretty dumb not eating beef in Europe. It is only when you eat the spine of the animal you can catch it. BSE started in sheep, and was passed to cows when the farmers use to grind up sheep bones and feed it to cows. About a month ago in Texas they quarintened a couple heards! And the US uses the brains for body building, so they might have big problems!

The UK has dealt with the BSE problem when they killed off all the cows, that could have possibly been feed the sheep bones. Also you are not allowed to buy certain cuts of british beef as a safety precaution. France and Germany do not admit to having, but after having the same practices ofcourse they have it!
Iain
 
JohnFKelly
Topic Author
Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2001 7:32 am

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Mon Mar 05, 2001 1:41 am

Iainhol---Firstly, I do not just crawl out of some hole in the wall. I am aware of what both problems are. My grandmother once had a case of BSE and survived.

I wish BSE were totally gone from the UK, but I don't think that's the case. I do know what Foot and Mouth is, if perhaps only from watching "All Creatures Great and Small"

I realize that Foot and Mouth is the far bigger concern at the moment.

Just remember that this is all complete "bullshit," which I didn't have the "guts" to post under my real username  Big grin

The problems exist, but the rest is pure fiction. Though there might still be some Brits who'd like to do this to the Irish...

Anyway, hopefully some of the Americans were able to pick up on some of the puns/wordplay and so on...
 
Ikarus
Posts: 3391
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 10:18 pm

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Mon Mar 05, 2001 1:59 am

The problem with beef is that the meatgrinding machines that chop up the animal and pick the meats of the bones (especially for sausages) do not care if they splinter the bone and spread bone amrrow all over the place. Therefore, all beef is potentially contaminated. When the first cases of BSE were dicovered in Germany, they investigated numerous products and found cow bone marrow even on pure turkey sausages, due to them being produced on the same machines.... Basically, eating any meat at all is unsafe, but as I am too weak a personality to become a vegetarian, I contend myself with not eating beef.

PS: It was scrapies that originated from sheep. The illness mutated in cattle to take the BSE form. Now BSE can infect humans and cause vCJ (variant Creutzfeld-Jakob). This illness might, according to some predictions, kill 100,000 Brits over the next 50 years. Its numbers are currently rising by over 40% a year, and those are the cases based on people who got infected in the early years of BSE, in the 1980s. Just imagine what matters will look like in 20-30 years. I do not want any part of that, which is why I stopped eating European beef around 8 years ago, while I still lived in Germany. I don't think it's dumb at all. Anyway, those farmers feeding other animals to cows deserve being boycotted - and they don't loose much by loosing the revenue created through me anyway, as the EU continues to subsidize their infuriating overproduction..... I don't feel sorry for them.
 
Guest

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Mon Mar 05, 2001 2:33 am

John - I honestly did not read your post in full I had a quick scan over it. As concerned as we are over Foot and Mouth I would not expect any one to make a joke about it!

Ikarus
I am proud to eat British Beef!! I am not very concerned about eating our beef, I honestly feel that it is safe. I am sure many precautions have been taken in the UK that other countries have not taken as according to them they do not have it! Some people take things to extreme levels, as in not eating beef, not flying, only driving Volovo's ect. But if we started doing that game we could not do anything, what about when people invite you over for a meal, and other such things!
Iain
 
JohnFKelly
Topic Author
Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2001 7:32 am

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Mon Mar 05, 2001 1:52 pm

Iain---I'm glad you enjoyed the bit about Thatcher and Blair. I was afraid for a minute that my humor was totally lost.

However, I do realize this is a serious subject, and I appreciate the info that you and Ikarus provided. I probably wouldn't be joking about it if I was in the UK.
 
Guest

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Mon Mar 05, 2001 2:35 pm

Where is Bargeass (oops Baroness) Thatchula when we need her?

Wasn't it here policies put in place that led to mad cow and the disgraceful state the Brittish cattle industry is in?

She needs to be dunked.

RIP all the poor unfortunate animals involved in this.

mb
 
ryanb741
Posts: 5058
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 6:36 pm

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Wed Mar 07, 2001 2:13 am

By "all the poor unfortunate animals involved in this" I assume you are referring to the British Government?!!?
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
 
AgnusBymaster
Posts: 620
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2001 8:11 am

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Wed Mar 07, 2001 2:14 am

I was reading these posts, and I kept wondering what the heck BSE is. Then I thorught...isn't this just "E-Coli?"

We all have E-Coli in our body, right? So, is BSE a harmful strain of E-Coli, or am I totally off base.

Sciences 'aint exactly my speciality...
 
ryanb741
Posts: 5058
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 6:36 pm

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Wed Mar 07, 2001 2:18 am

WAAAAYY off base! BSE is a degenerative brain disease which basically just destroys the brain, turning its victims into vegetables. E-Coli is related to food poisoning outbreaks.
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
 
Ikarus
Posts: 3391
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 10:18 pm

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Wed Mar 07, 2001 2:31 am

E-coli is a small bacterium. Before BSE was found, all illnesses (or all that I know off) could be categorized as either bacteria or viruses.

BSE is radically new: It is a protein. In fact, it is a protein only slightly mutated from the normal proteins in our body - that's why the immune system never recognizes it. It is stored with all the other proteins, and therefore it mutates them, too. The mutated proteins cannot be used up, which is why they pile up and basically fill the cells with junk, the cells die, the proteins spread etc. It affects the nervous system more than anything else, which is why it kills off the brains. In the end the entire brain is just a sponge of protein with hardly any nerve cells left working. The victims lose all control of their body and all ability to think or feel.

There are many risks in life. But if the chances of dying like that are even only slightly worsened by eating beef, it is worth not eating beef for the rest of my life. All my friends know that I don't eat beef, so I've never really had a problem.
 
EIPremier
Posts: 1462
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2000 8:17 am

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Thu Mar 08, 2001 9:03 am

FYI---There's an extensive article on "Mad Cow" in this week's edition of Newsweek.
 
JohnFKelly
Topic Author
Posts: 73
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2001 7:32 am

RE: Mad Cows Cleared For Irish Consumption

Fri Mar 09, 2001 12:38 am

I should point out that I made a mistake earlier when I stated my grandmother had BSE. That is definitely not true. I couldn't recall before, but I now know she had some sort bacterial illness, and it was FAR less severe. I can't exactly ask her, because she has since died from cancer, but it wasn't BSE. I know she nearly died from the bacterial infection, but then she made a complete recovery.

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: deltacto, LittleFokker, YZF101 and 13 guests