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How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 9:53 pm

There was this girl in my residence first year. I chatted with her on ICQ in second year, and last year, I shared a 4 person townhouse with her. I really, really like her, but don't know how to even approach her.

I like her as a person, and am afraid that if I ask her if she wants to go out with me, that I'll lose her.

Obviously the "do you want to go for coffee?" line won't work, because we've actually lived together.

We chat a lot, and talk about "normal people" things, so I don't know where my next step is.

Compounding the problem is that I'm really shy to begin with, and so is she.

Can anyone give me suggestions?
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 10:11 pm

I think that you have a lot of advantages that will help you in this situation. First of all, you've shared a house with this woman, so she knows a bit about you and knows that you're not a psychopath.

Secondly, you've established a rapport with her, and you've shared a common experience. So, you have lots of things to talk about.

You're way ahead of the curve already!

If I were you, I would start out by increasing your contact with her - go out for coffee, have dinner together, go to a street fair, etc. Keep it light.

I suspect that if the friendship continues to develop, the opportunity to express your interest in her will happen naturally. Who knows, maybe she already feels the same way?

"If I don't manage to fly, someone else will. The spirit wants only for there to be flying. As for who happens to do it, in that he has only a passing interest."
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 10:27 pm

How about that wonderful pick-up line from American Pie?

"Suck me, beautiful."

Always worked for me...

The only thing you should feel when shooting a terrorist: Recoil.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:03 pm

Try to forget your shyness for minute and go ask her out for a movie or something, it worked for me and my girlfriend, Lisa.

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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:12 pm

Ask her to go spotting at a nearby airport, works everytime.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:48 pm

Take her to a comedy club, always best for the first date.

Trust me.  Big thumbs up


RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 2:38 am

Don't be a pussy just talk to her and ask her out!
Matt D
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 2:51 am

Agreed....sometimes the best thing to do is just to be direct and ask her out. Don't beat around the bush or tiptoe around it. Most women will only be irritated like that.

But a word of advice: Don't take her to the movies on your first date. Never take a woman to the movies on your first date. Reason being is that the two of you are sitting in the dark, and your attention is focussed on the movie as opposed to each other. How are you going to get to know each other in that kind of dating setting?

Save the movies for later into the relationship where you still enjoy each others company but having nothing to say to each other.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 2:54 am

Matt's right... every first-date movie thing ended up realllly soon for me.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 3:05 am

NO NO NO! ! ! ! !
Do NOT ask her out to the movies!
Bad call!
I suggest seeing an older eclectic movie that you can only 'rent' on video. That way you can only watch it at 'your' house.  Big grin
Do you see what I am getting at? Big grin
Don't even mention a current movie!
Going to the movies is a waste of time and money. You can't talk to her or get as close. No matter how much making out you do in the theater if you even get that far , the lights eventually will come on and your back to square one. Women can be very fickle-minded in those situations.
I think asking her out for coffee/drinks or even dinner is not a bad idea.
Do you know how to cook?
Invite her over for a nice dinner.

You must be proactive in this case.

Good luck!  Big thumbs up
Bring back the Concorde
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 3:16 am

While Superfly is definitely right, a movie has worked for me numerous times.
Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
Matt D
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 4:57 am

Superfly is right on. If you want to impress her with a movie, then do it right and follow his suggestion.

But just don't make the same blunder I did that resulted in my expulsion from her residence, never to see her again.

I think I said this before, but I'll rehash it anyway.

About 2 years ago, a foxy woman named Rachel invited me to her house one evening to watch a movie. So I did just that. I ignored the fact that it was a cold winter night outside, and the fact that she broke out with the candles and the champaigne. I sat there, ignoring her while totally engrossed in the movie, while seated on the opposite end of the couch as her. I guess she was insulted or thought that I wasn't interested. So she tossed me out.

Had I only did the suave ol' slide on the couch and sat next to her, and tried something, not only would I have left much happier than I did, but I probably would've seen her many more times.

But I was able to turn the situation around in my favor:

I was able to get home and get some rest and be up at 5AM to get to LAX the next day for a gorgeous photo shoot.
Matt D
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 5:02 am

Just a follow up:

The moral of the story is that when a woman invites you over to watch a movie, and it's a cold night out, and she's wearing a low cut top and a short skirt and lights candles and pours champaigne, a movie is the very last thing on her mind. Watching a movie is only a pretext to get you two together to conduct some more important business.

It's a little classier too. It sure beats saying "Hey come over to my house and pork my brains out", so instead she says "Let's watch a movie" (while seeting up 'the mood'), even though she's thinking the former.

But be careful. Don't automatically assume that that's what she's thinking. It's very important to pay attention to the setting and various props and cues as well. If you went over, and she leaves the lights on (no candles) and serves you water or soda, then it's entirely possible that she really does want to watch a movie only.

Better luck next time.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 5:32 am

Matt D :
What kind of a movie could have been that entertaining that you didn't care for the lady who invited you over?

Now if it was Airport '77 or Cannonball Run then I can understand.  Smile
Bring back the Concorde
Matt D
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 6:01 am


the ultimate "guy" movie.

No seriously, we were watching "Armageddon".

A piece of trash movie I might also add.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 6:19 am

And you still wanted to watch the movie instead?!?!?!

Good thing you did redeem yourself later!
You would have lost some stripes over that.  Smile
Bring back the Concorde
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 10:12 pm

If I had to pick a movie, I believe we'd watch The Emperor's New Groove instead. We're both into "cute" children films - she more so than I.

I was thinking of asking her to help me pump air into my bike tires at a gas station. and just chill later on at Dairy Queen's.
Stretch 8
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Wed Jul 25, 2001 10:55 pm

"pump air into my bike tires" you must have seen the double entendre here. I tend to agree with Iain, you have to step up and ask her. You won't regret it, and soon you won't care about the bike tires.
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Topic Author
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Thu Jul 26, 2001 1:48 am

Oh no, I don't mean it in any kind of twisted context, although I must admit, it sounds really bad.

I was just thinking of an activity where we would be able to take a long walk and chat (she's had a really interesting summer, as will I in a few days), and see if I can ask her then, without any disruptions.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Thu Jul 26, 2001 4:53 pm

be direct...just walk up and hug her and look into her eyes longingly....I suggest go somewhere where it is cold so you can give her your jacket (it makes you look like a martyr & makes her feel special, because you are being cold for her)
Flown to 128 Airports in 48 Countries on 81 Operators. Visited 56 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.

RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Thu Jul 26, 2001 5:32 pm

Iain, don't call him a "pussy" if anything that's a term that pissed me off. My dad says that to me and goddammit is pisses me off!! Big grin

OK, back to topic. I have to agree with what the guys said here. Ask her maybe over for dinner, or something rather fun. You can choose to be romantic on the first date (dinner) or you can be fun. Me, I'd go with fun. We have a nice theme park near here where there's rindes from hell!! Fun as hell too. You want to make a woman laugh, she'll love you for it and you'll enjoy yourself too. But that's just me.

Now I can COOK. I CAN cook, and I am a good one at that. From grilled lemon-pepper chicken to good homestyle chili, I can cook so that's not a problem for me......except that I still live with my parents and can't exactly invite a girl over for dinner!!  Big grin

DON'T ask out for a movie, that IS a disaster. (Hmmmm.....maybe that's why Katie cheated on me....)


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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Thu Jul 26, 2001 6:06 pm

Best bet....dont. That way you cant be disapointed and/or feel stupid whenever you see her. Wait for subtle suggestions that the feeling is mutual.
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Fri Jul 27, 2001 4:02 am

Its not that difficult.. If you are friends already, its okay to be direct, that way she will feel like she can be direct right back... in other words, if you ask "why dont we go out sometime" she will say "NO" instead of "oh.. well... uhh... i've got plans for the next 4 months or so..."

you wont lose your friendship by asking her out and getting rejected, its only after you DO go out for a period of time and piss each other off and break up that you may lose the friendship...

I actually met a girl some time back and (we werent friends first) but i asked her out and pursued it pretty staunchly until i found out she had a boyfriend and thus rejected me... fortunetely we are still pretty good friends and hang out now and then, because i accepted the no-win situation and didnt freak her out...

moral is, just cuz you get rejected doesnt mean she doesnt like you or think your a cool person... so dont be afraid of it....

CHRIS (love machine)
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Sat Jul 28, 2001 5:59 am

Although guys are my topic of expertise, this method always worked well for me.

When you've got that opportunity for talking (best is after you've just had a great time together) - ask her 'what's your perfect type of guy?'

If she's interested in you in that kinda way, her answer should paint a picture of a guy fitting your description. It gives her an opening to express her interest in you without having to be direct about it, and most people seem to like that. Saves you embarassment too, if her answer describes a person completely opposite to you  Big grin

Press her for as much detail as you think necessary 'So what would his hair colour be?'...etc.

Good luck  Smile
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Sat Jul 28, 2001 12:22 pm

Guys are your area of expertise? Do they require a different technique than the ladies?  Nuts
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Sat Jul 28, 2001 3:29 pm

hey this is interesting post.

With the original question.. There is no answer until you try it out.. I mean by asking her out and see what response you get.. If its a go then Good for you man  Big thumbs up

Ifs its a No then dont worry aobut it.

But I do have 1 question.

It may seem rather beginner and baby kind of question,.
But how can you tell if you are ready to ask a girl out?

Girls who meet these CRITERIA,

A girl that you already know from School like in same class .. A girl that youve knownd for a few years.. 2 yrs+ or 1 yr+ and a girl that YOU knwo that she likes you back.. as a Friend WHERE you can tell.
( U know things like-Flirts/Girl trusts you, even says that from her own mouth- finds you funny, conversations/ closeness u know like whenever a girl that you like sees you she always like ALWAYS greats u with a "Hey" or "Hello" or "Hi"
And she doesnt mind if you accidentally violate her airspace like one true time I was reading a newspaper and as my finger was holding the back pages it was accidentally resting on the nipple of a girl that Irecently met but didnt really talk to eatchother but was hot.And she smiled at me as i gave a small hesitant glance!@)

oh and a big one for me!
Does Ethnic--Tism matter?
Im a asian guy KOREAN/.. and how do asians fare with the canadian/european girl types etc??
Im the only person thats asian that actually hangs aroudn with girls at times during lunch and etc.. All other asians are with their own little gang bang groups..
So that makes me feel nerveous and harder to gain access to girls that are actually pretty and are of NorthAmerican ..

I have many girls or SOME girls that I know and meet these kinds of criteria and i see them as good enuf that i shoudl go for a try, but it doesnt last forever when i get close to asking her out > it seeems now that some girls .....me and her dont really interact with eachother anymore nowadays.. so it seems distant for thos girls.
so my potential chance was blewed.  Sad

Thats what I have to ask: hope it aint a big ass pain!
I also find girls at times unpredictable.. I tink its a good thing in a way but sometimes it just seems awkward and strange at same time.. EX/ a girl flirts with u and on next day she yells at you for taking her plastic ruler from her wo asking..which I did once!


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Help Required

Mon Jul 30, 2001 4:50 am

Gee BO__einG, I was just asking myself the same question. Anyway, I think mental maturity (and physical, of course) are most important, so if you think you're mature enough, go for her.
I was wondering myself about this girl Lisa I met in Italian evening classes in November: I immediately liked her and tried to get her attention. In January, I decided to take the big step and told her I was in love with her (we barely knew each other) and then she dropped out. In April, I found her on ICQ and had several chats with her and she told me she wasn't interested in me as a boyfriend (she's in love with someone else) and I gave up and we became friends only. I met her (along with a few friends) and had a nice talk but I don't know whether I'm still in love. I find her very attractive but somehow I'm afraid she's playing around with me and not taking me seriously. Now, what do I do now, that is how do I try to get her to express her romantic feelings and *maybe* go out with her without ruining a beginning friendship?
Help is appreciated,
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RE: How Do I Ask This Girl Out?

Mon Jul 30, 2001 8:59 am

Also, if you decide to take Iain's direct method, take your time and mentally prepare yourself: what you will say, what she might say, what the outcomes are, etc...you dont want to sound funny to her...thats bad...

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