Background to all this: Dartmouth College's Parking Operations staff gives out tickets for parking without a permit in permit parking. Students(like me) get charged $50 with the fine doubling after each offense. Faculty get charged $10. Visitors get charged $20.
I wish I had some Command Presence. Imagine if in my dealings with Dartmouth Parking Operations I got sound clips from Full Metal Jacket and had Gunnery Sergeant Hartman be my voice. I bet I could get a lot done. Here's the way such a call would go.
HS = Hapless Secretary
DP = Director of Parking Operations
GH = Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
HS: "Hello, Parking Operations. Elizabeth speaking, how may I direct your call?"
GH: (Click to play the sound clip)