High
Topic Author
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2001 10:15 am

My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 7:39 am

Ok, for a school class, we had to write some "poems" about Sept. 11, for chance they could get published. So, here is mine, what do you think??



Antebellum

The murderous bullets sent
Soaring
From the culprits
Deepest, darkest
Mistaken beliefs of ‘true’ life
To pierce the bodies of the unknowing, corrupt, yet just society
All in the name of religion

Success only in the loss of life generated by mistaken hatred

Carnage of life
Humility, disorder, unintelligibility, derangement
Loss of souls too soon for us
Not soon enough for them

Inevitable war

A powwow of the greatest minds
What should be done? What should we do? What is the right answer?

Two wrongs make a right in this displacement
Confusing, pure, untainted emotions flow wildly
Insularity retaliation

Bombs of anger and hope
Dot the rugged landscape like the stars in the sky
Full of the unknown
Hopefully the bearer of the antibiotic that will cure the ravage disease we are fighting

More carnage of innocent, unimportant, normal, peaceful lives
Are we any better than the antagonists? We are no better than the culprits that brought fourth the action upon us, are we?



No.



 
flight152
Posts: 3211
Joined: Fri Nov 24, 2000 8:04 am

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 10:36 am

I think this is a great poem and sure to be published. Good work!
 
Guest

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 11:53 am

.......... A+ for effort. Can't say I find it impressive though.
 
Twotterwrench
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 12:07 pm

A pathetic bunch of peace monger hippy crap...
 
High
Topic Author
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2001 10:15 am

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 12:09 pm

I dont mind that you dont like it, but then tell me how i can improve it - or specifically what you dont like about it.
 
Delta777-XXX
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 12:23 pm

SJC>SFO and Twotterwrench:
Gosh you guys... that was harsh! I think his poem is amazing. I could never do that and I challenge both of you to try to even come close!

Good work High!

Hank  Big thumbs up
 
milldoh
Posts: 482
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2001 11:59 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 12:30 pm

High: they don't agree with it, THAT'S what they don't like about it.  Big grin

I don't agree with it either. I think you have to think a little more about the situation we're in right now.

But other than that, I think it's pretty good.
 
tguman
Posts: 380
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 12:33 pm

Great poem High. In my English class we had to right a ballad. I wrote about the effect of the attacks on aviation. I am a pacifist, so i agree very much with what your peom says.
Life is a Mine Field.
 
Twotterwrench
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 1:16 pm

It's well written, but flawed in principal. Sorry for being so harsh before...
 
Trvlr
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sat Nov 03, 2001 1:25 pm

For some strange and odd reason, I agree with Twotterwrench's statement (the 2nd one, obviously). It is very well written, but my bias clashes with it. But a good job nonetheless!!

Aaron G.
 
High
Topic Author
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2001 10:15 am

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 5:04 am

Thanks for all the comments.
 
Turbolet
Posts: 1867
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:23 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 6:08 am

Whoa... Wilfred Owen!!
No honestly, good try, but it's a bit strange how some lines are really long and others really short, and there's no rhyme scheme or pattern... don't get angry at me for this but it doesn't really give the feel of a poem.
I'm no poet, I can't write about anything, but I take English at Advanced Level and we do a lot of literary criticism. In my opinion, the best poems are song lyrics really. They rhyme, make sense mostly and have a pattern.
-turbolet
 
flight152
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 1:00 pm

Turbolet-

I would suggest you go to the local library and look at some poems, you really have no idea about them, no offense.

the best poems are song lyrics really. They rhyme
The worlds best poems don't rhyme, the largest mass of rhyming poems can be found in childrens poms ages 2-6.


but it's a bit strange how some lines are really long and others really short

Again, this is another childrens thing that each line should be the same length.....this has NO effect on how good a poem is. The different length of the lines makes a poem more intresting.


I would disregard what he said.....
 
An-225
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RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 3:11 pm

Very well written. I wrote a song about 9/11 last night, and after a feedback from my friends, you'd be seeing it soon.

Good luck,

Alex
Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
 
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VirginFlyer
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Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2000 12:27 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 5:19 pm

Well, I for one like the poem. It is a tad difficult to read, but I for one agree with the message. Its good to see not everyone is blind and blinkered...

I wrote my own poem a while ago... Its still a work in progress (poetry isnt something you have to write from begining to end, so bits may likely appear in all places in the finished work. Also, if you are a subscriber to the "poems have to rhyme and be set out uniformily" school, dont bother reading. (Kudos to anyone who can pick up ALL the allusions - there are a few)

Enduring Freedom

Into the valley of death rode the 6000
Yet will I fear no Ill
For thou art with me
Andy they Rod and Staff me comfort still
And God Bless America
Land of the Free
Home of the Brave
Heart of the American Dream
Of the American Nightmare
Home of the fearful.
Freedom burns like a torch, a flame,
An inferno that has burnt itself out.
Where are the Free?
Why have we taken their Land?
Are we the Free?
Is this our Land?

O Superman, O Judge, O Mum and Dad
There are no more superheros,
We have killed them.
There is no more justice,
We have killed it.
There is no more family
We have torn it to shreds
O Superman, O Judge, O Mum and Dad
No Superheros to prevent it.
No Justice to fix it.
No Family to make it all better.
But it doesn’t matter, because here come
The Planes. They’re American Planes.
Made in America.
Smoking or Non-Smoking?
They’re all smoking now.
The Planes are smoking.
The City is smoking.
Freedom is smoking.
The Dream is smoking.

The City that never sleeps is woken up.
The twins like matchsticks burn and fall.
Images etched onto the mind.
The angels of death swooping in from on high
Releasing their firey fury.
The scar in the heart of the City.
In the heart of Finance
In the heart of the modern world?
The steel valiantly reaching skyward
As if it were opposing the collapse
A cross in the middle of the chaos?
A sign from God?
Stars and stripes waving every corner, every building,
Every hand waving the star-spangled banner.
Oh say can you see, by the dawns early light?
America shot in the Head. Shot in the heart.
America collapsing just like the twins.
We want our superheroes now.
We demand justice!
I want my mommy!

The scholars and the wise men warn against war
But the masses led by the fools bey for blood.
For Osama. For Taliban. For Afghanistan. For Islam.
For anyone, so long as its blood!
Any colour, so long as its black!
An eye for an eye makes the whole world
Blind! But its no use, men are blind with anger
There are no eyes to take, hate has singed them
Out! We will make no distinction between
The Terrorists and those who harbour them.
No distinction between Terrorists and Islam.
No distinction between Islam and Turbans.
No distinction between right and wrong.
But who cares, because we are America!
And we can do what we want, and that is right!
And God Bless America. And Fuck everyone else.
They hit our Military Nerve Centre. Of course
We have to slaughter them.
Because we’re free, and its our right to chose.
And what about them?
They chose to attack us. We’ll bomb them
back to the stone age.
But they weren’t free to chose!
Who cares! They attacked us, we will kill
Every last one of them.
Strike Back! Revenge! Nuke the Bastards!
Osama bin Fucking Laden.

Then the Lamb opened the Seventh Seal
And silence covered
The Sky

A Ring A Ring of Rosies!
A Pocket Full of Posies!
A Tissue! A Tissue!
We All Fall
DOWN!
"So powerful is the light of unity that it can illuminate the whole earth." - Bahá'u'lláh
 
Turbolet
Posts: 1867
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:23 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 9:33 pm

Flight152: seems like you have no idea about poetry really...
The worlds best poems don't rhyme, the largest mass of rhyming poems can be found in childrens poms ages 2-6.
So ur trying to say that Lord Byron, Keats, Shakespeare, Milton etc. are childrens poems ages 2-6? Yeah right, you should take English at Advanced Level here, you need it!
Again, this is another childrens thing that each line should be the same length.....this has NO effect on how good a poem is. The different length of the lines makes a poem more intresting.
I'm not saying having all lines exactly the same length, but it looks weird when one line has like twenty five words and the other three...
To me, a poem has to abide by certain rules, like for example a sonnet. When there's absolutely no rhyme, no pattern etc. I wouldn't really call that poetry but prose.
-turbolet
 
Guest

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 10:26 pm

I do not like the message in the poem, the difference between what he US and the UK are doing, and the Taleban was that we are doing out best to kill as few innocent people, while they wanted to kill as many as possible. Also the Taleban plant civilians in dangerous areas to gain support against the US.
Iain
 
An-225
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2000 2:55 am

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Sun Nov 04, 2001 10:39 pm

I like the second one, especially the line God Bless America and Fuck everyone else - couldn't agree more.

I am just tempted to post my song I wrote just a day earlier Big grin
Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
 
Turbolet
Posts: 1867
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:23 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Mon Nov 05, 2001 5:16 am

Ok, so here goes my try at poetry, it's a romantic poem dedicated to the girl I like:
http://www.airliners.net/discussions/non_aviation/read.main/127098/
-turbolet
 
VirginA340
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Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:35 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Mon Nov 05, 2001 12:54 pm

The princilpal is all wrong. I'm geting sick of the defense retoric for the Taliban and all these pacifists and so called schollers telling the US and UK that we shouldn't strike backdid the so called experts loose people in ground 0? did the so called experts even visit ground 0? No we'll they can shut the hell up!
"FUIMUS"
 
tguman
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Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2001 11:47 pm

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Mon Nov 05, 2001 1:06 pm

Personally, I don't think that war is the answer. We bomb them for a while. Then all the citizens back the Taliban, and we go to war. For me, being a teenager getting close to being 18, I am afraid that they will bring back the draft. I guess in will be a CO, but i am still scared to death. If the U.S. goes to a ground war, they will loose. Afghans now the lay of the land. they will affect us greatly. Lets not go to war. "Overcome evil with GOOD" TGUMAN
Life is a Mine Field.
 
UAL747
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Joined: Mon Dec 13, 1999 5:42 am

RE: My Poem (9/11)

Mon Nov 05, 2001 3:52 pm

Tguman,

What you are forgetting is that our armed forces have enough strength to fight a sustained conflict with a country the size of China. So, in that respect, I do not suspect there would be a draft.

Secondly, in the US we have become so intent and accustomed to short-termed campaigns that I doubt it would be very easy to call up much support for the draft. If we are losing that big, then you will probably see us out of the game.

Third, this will be a war fought with special forces and highly trained personnel. You really can't use a whole army to capture Bin Laden. Also, most of the actually front line fighting is being done by the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan.

So, for the time being, the threat of the draft is highly unlikely, though I understand your concern. I am 21 myself, just about to enter the world and start my life, and the last thing I want to do is go to some damn country where they probably have no A/C and I can't get a damn Big Mac supersized meal for lunch and I can't valet for dinner, all the while my life being threatened. Damn, God bless America!

UAL747
"Bangkok Tower, United 890 Heavy. Bangkok Tower, United 890 Heavy.....Okay, fine, we'll just turn 190 and Visual Our Way

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