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LAX
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How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sat Nov 17, 2001 1:48 pm

How about a good, old-fashioned "Sick Joke" post here!!??

Who's got some beauts??

Anybody recall the "Little Willie" series of sick jokes?

OK .... Let's start the unpleasantness with these homey jingles ......

Little Willie with a shout,
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out!
Stomped on them to make them pop.
Mother said, "Now Willie, stop!"


Willie, with a thirst for gore.
Nailed the baby to the door!
Willie's mother shouts, with humor quaint,
'Careful, Will, don't mar the paint!'


Willie poisoned Auntie's tea.
Auntie died in agony.
Uncle came and looked quite vexed ....
"Really, Will," he said, "what next?"


Little Willie, mean as hell.
Drowned his sister in the well.
Mother said, while drawing water,
"Gee, it's hard to raise a daughter."


Little Willie on his bike
Through the village took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk;
She will live, but still can't talk.


Little Willie, full of glee,
Put radium in grandma's tea.
Now he thinks it's quite a lark,
To see her shining in the dark.

---------------------------------------------

 Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sat Nov 17, 2001 1:58 pm

Susan: "Mommy, mommy, Billy just threw up!"

Mother: "But, Susan, why are YOU crying?"

Susan: "Because HE'S getting all the big pieces!!"

----------------------

Now THAT'S a good solid entry, I'm sure you'll agree!!  Big thumbs up  Smile Smile
 
lubcha132
Posts: 2642
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2001 10:37 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sat Nov 17, 2001 2:01 pm

i apologize for this joke in advance i will probably get caned by someone for it. the subject is an excellent artist and an overall cool guy and there is nothing wrong with being vision impaired.
---
--
-
Did you see stevie wonder's new house?
---
--
-
Neither did he
 
blink182
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Joined: Mon Oct 18, 1999 3:09 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 1:18 am

God, those are hilarious Big grin Big grin
rgds,
blink182
Give me a break, I created this username when I was a kid...
 
IHadAPheo
Posts: 5499
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2001 3:26 pm

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 3:35 am

Lubcha132, I heard just about the same joke about stevie wonder's new house, but the joke was did you see stevie wonder's hair with the reply being......

Neither did he



politically correct disclaimer ..... the joke in no way reflects my opinion on Mr. Wonder


Pray hard but pray with care For the tears that you are crying now Are just your answered prayers
 
dragogoalie
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 3:45 am

Two friends decide to take off this weekend to go camping. They hop in a car and drive all the way to this mountian. They drive up as far as they could, then they rented donkeys to take them the rest of the way. They finally reach the top and found a good place to pitch the tent. Anyway, that night, while they are both in the tent, one guy says "man I really gotta take a leak" so he goes outside. While he's out there, the other friend hears "OWW...I just got bit (you can guess where) by a rattle snake. Go down the mountian to find a doctor to see what we should do!!" So the guy hops on the donkey, rides down to the car, ties the donkey up, hops in the car and rides into town. Luckilly the first person he sees in town was a doctor. He said "my friend was just bitten by a rattle snake, what do we do?" "Suck the poison out and he should be fine." So the friend hops back in the car, drives to his donkey, hops on the donkey and rides back up to the campsite. Uppon arival he sees that his friend isn't doing too well. The friend asks "what the doctor say?" The reply:


"youre gonna die"

:D
Formerly known as Jap. Srsly. AUSTRALIA: 2 days!
 
desertjets
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 3:51 am

*lol*

Ok here is one bad joke to be added to the pile.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree???



Because it was dead.

Why did the squirel fall out of the tree???





Because it was stapled to the monkey!!!!

*hehe*
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
 
Inbound
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 3:54 am

don't attack me on this one, I'm just passing along a sick joke I heard recently ;

This 'country guy' is screwing this girl and then he asks her to roll over so he can hit it from behind.
The girl says 'isn't that a bit too perverted??'

the country guys says "perverted??".....that's a big word for an 8 year old to know.

now that's sick!
 Insane
Maintain own separation with terrain!
 
GDB
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 4:14 am

Q. Why do women have legs?
A. Seen the mess snails leave?

Back in the days of the French Foreign Legion in North Africa, one Legionairre, stuck in a remote Sahara Desert castle, was missing sex soooo much, irt made him fustrated and was getting him in trouble with the officers.
He was marched in front of the commander and was asked to explain his bad attitude.
'It's just that I miss sex so', he told his commander.
'Well, if you're that desperate, use the camel in the yard', said the commander.
'No way', the Legionairre thought to himself.
A few weeks later, alone on guard duty one night, he looked at the camel and thought, 'I need to get laid, that thing's better than nothing, no-ones around.' So he did the dirty with a bemused camel.
His comrades noticed his mood had changed next day, and asked why.
'Well, I needed sex so bad, so I screwed the camel.'
His comrades were horrified, called him a sick pervert.
'Hey look, don't blame me, the commander said if I was that desperate, to use the camel' the Legionairre protested.
One of his friends shot back, 'you were supposed to ride it to the brothel in town!' Big grin
 
us330
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 4:15 am

What do Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common?













Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson f*cks little children in the a$$.
 
GDB
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 4:17 am

Hey! don't be so hard on Jacko, he had a drink problem.
But now he's down to two tots a day!
:D

 
learpilot
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 5:07 am

What's the difference between a refrigerator and Richard Simmons?

The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out!
Heed our warnings or your future will be underpant free!
 
hubris
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 5:11 am

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?


A. When they come they’re wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
 
Guest

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 5:37 am

LOL ROFL! Big grin Big grin Big grin  Laugh out loud !!!
Ianhol posted this a little while ago:
Arguing is like running in the special olympics,
even if you win, you're still a retard!

 Smile
 
GDB
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 6:19 am

Of course I only sleep with homeless women,
so much easier to get them to stay the whole night.....and you can drop them off anywhere in the morning! Big grin
 
JetService
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 6:45 am

Q: Why don't you have oral sex with a woman in the morning?
A: Ever try to pull a grilled cheese sandwich apart?

A guy picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home. While performing oral sex on her, he comes accross a piece of carrot. He continues and comes across a piece of potato. Agitated, he continues then comes across a pea. Angry, he says, "Damn, bitch, are your sick or something?" She says, "No, but the guy before you was."

A guy walks into a whore-house with only 5 bucks. The madam explains that for that money all he can get is Sandpaper Sally. He said, 'what the hell'. He soon find out why they call her Sandpaper Sally. The sex is incredibly rough. It becomes too unbearable and he says, "I can't do this. It hurts too much." She says, "Hold on, I'll be right back." She comes back and the sex is nice and slippery. He said, "That's MUCH better, what did you do?" She said, "I picked the scabs."

A man walks into a bar. It's his 30th birthday, and he's still a virgin. He swears he will get himself laid no matter what. But its 2am and closing time, and still no luck. Drunk off his ass, he sees an 80 year old woman at the end of the bar. He's so drunk and desperate, he thinks, 'well, I promised myself'. So he propositions the old lady and to his suprise, she accepts. He takes her home and takes her blouse off. He starts to suck on her wrinkly nipple when a warm fluid comes out. The man looks up and says, "No offense, but I figured you'd be too old to give milk." She says, "Oh, I'm much too old to give milk, sonny, but I'm not too old to have cancer."
"Shaddap you!"
 
SophieMaltese
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 7:18 am

I just got this one in the mail...


HAVING A BAD DAY...

The next time you're having a bad day,
imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin. Your brother,
attached at your

shoulder is gay and you're not. But you
have the only ass
 
Jj
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Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2001 7:40 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 7:20 am

silly questions:

why are ciggaretes sold at gas stations, if people are not allowed to smoke there?

if vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

what would happen if one brother of a siamese pair was sentence to dead with letal injection?

in food advertisements you see people eating, in cars advertisements you see people driving, why in condons advertisements we don't see people f......?

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash Iron, Fuck, Etc."




 
Jj
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 8:04 am


a pilot is a guy that speaks about women when he's on the plane, and about plames when he's with a woman
 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 10:15 am

Willie looking in the gun,
Pulls the trigger just for fun.
Mother says in tones so pained,
"Willie is so scatter-brained"


 
HSV
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 3:31 pm

Q: What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line of blondes?

A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
 
nikonF100
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 5:06 pm

Q: Why was the drinking age raised to 32 in West Virginia?
A: To keep booze out of the high-schools.

This one's really bad...sorry if I offend any women...

Q: Why did God give women yeast infections?
A: So they'd know what it's like to live with an irritating c_nt

Two brothers join the Army and are getting physicals.
The doctor examines them and says, "My God, you guys have the biggest penises I've ever seen. I guess you got those from your father, eh?"
One of the brothers says, "No, we got them from our mother."
The doctor says, "What the Hell are you talking about?"
The other brother says, "She only had one arm, and getting us in and out of the bath tub, she managed as best she could."

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him to fish, and he'll call in sick, sit in a boat, and drink beer and fart all day.

HAHAHA
 
heavymetal
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 11:25 pm

(Apologies to West Virginians, but I lived in Cleveland for 5 years and when they want to make fun of rednecks and hillbillies, you guys are the "go-to" region. In Michigan, it tends to be those from the Upper Peninsula who are the default rednecks, and in Texas the scorn is reserved for Oklahomans. Anyway, here we go Smile


Q: What do a Tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
A: Either way, someone's gonna lose a mobile home.

Q: What's the definition of a virgin in West Virginia?
A: A girl who can run faster than her brother.


And my all time favorite:

A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**t in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbitt and says:
"Lemme ask you something....does s**t stick to your fur?"
The rabbit is a bit puzzled by the directness of the question, but looks to the bear and truthfully replies:
"Uhhh....no, I can't say that it does."
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

 Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Smile/happy/getting dizzy  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

(I do know jokes so sick I wont post them here though!)
 
Bernard Shakey
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Sun Nov 18, 2001 11:46 pm

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His d*ck was stuck in the chicken.
Mindless drifter on the road, Carries such an easy load
 
lubcha132
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:12 am

those are so wrong but its still funny.
 
FlyBoeing
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:24 am

So you have a Princeton man, a Brown man, and a Dartmouth man trying to join the CIA. They pass all of the tests and everything, and the only thing left is the loyalty test. The recruiter gets them one by one outside a doorway, hands each one of them a pistol and says "Behind this doorway is your wife. She's a spy and we have the evidence to prove it. Go in there and kill her."

The Brown man goes in there and comes out after an hour, weeping and saying that he couldn't do it and the Agency could go get stuffed.

The Princeton man goes in there and comes out after two hours with a 10 page written thesis over the fallibility of this test of loyalty, with a 4 page charts and graphs supplement. He then smugly walks away.

The Dartmouth man goes in there. Hours pass. The recruiter is getting worried. The door opens and the Dartmouth boy comes out a total bag of of shit, bruised, hair ripped out, clothes torn. He then starts to yell at the recruiter.

"You idiot! You should have told me that the gun was full of blanks! I had to choke the bitch with my bare hands!"
 
FlyBoeing
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:31 am

A guy in a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. 'Open the fucking safe' he yells at the girl behind the counter. 'But we're not a real bank' she replies, 'we don't have any money, this is a sperm bank'.
'Don't argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow your head off' says the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says 'Take out one of the bottles and drink it.' 'But it's full of sperm!' she replies nervously. 'Don't argue, just drink it' he says. She pries the cap off and gulps it down. 'Take out another one and drink it too' he demands. She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girls amazement it's her husband.

'There,' he says 'it's not that fucking difficult is it!?!'

Why do Australian men marry Australian women?

because sheep can't cook!

Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a hillbilly kid, are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game.
"Lets see who has the largest penis," he says.
"Okay," they all agree.
The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Italian kid and whips his own out. His penis is a couple of inches longer.
Not to be outdone, the hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed.
"Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.
That night, while eating dinner at home, the hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book ... and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has
the largest penis.'"
"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.
"Well, me, Sidney, and Anthony each pulled out our cranks, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm a hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?"
The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're 23!"
 
Guest

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:54 am

What's Michael Jackson's favourite songs.













I'm forever blowing bubbles and dont let your son go down on me.
 
An-225
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 3:17 am

Oh, these are so bad... but there ya go.

A daughter walks up to her father and says - daddy, can I go to the dance tonight? Daddy says - yeah, if you suck my dick. Daughter says - but daddy, you're my father, I can't do that. Daddy's like - yeah you can, otherwise you're not going to the dance. So she sucks it and says - daddy, why does your dick taste like shit? And daddy says - well, because your brother wanted to go to the dance too. Big grin
Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
 
hubris
Posts: 92
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 7:31 am

Two sperms swimming along...

#1 Are we close to the egg, yet?

#2 Huh? We're not even past the esophagus!

 
User avatar
LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 10:05 am

Thanks for all this fine family-orienting reading material !!  Big grin

You guys are good !!

Here are my favorites thus far from you guys ..........

Q: What do a Tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
A: Either way, someone's gonna lose a mobile home.

--------------------

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: His [wiener] was stuck in the chicken.

--------------------
 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 10:05 am

Little Willie hung his sister,
She was dead before we missed her.
"Willie's always up to tricks!
Ain't he cute? He's only six!"


 
MEGAPTERA
Posts: 115
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:11 am

I know I'll probably go to hell for this but what the heck...

A paedophile is leading a small child into a forest one dark and stormy night. The wind is howling in the trees and the child says, "I don't like this, it's scaring me."
The paedophile says, "It's all right for you, I've got to walk back out of here on my own."
 
n949wp
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:30 am

Why do dogs chase cats?

They like pussies.

 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:45 am

 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:47 am

Poor little fella ...........

http://www.augustjokes.com/Jokes/dicklife.htm

 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:48 am

 
User avatar
LAX
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Joined: Sun Dec 24, 2000 11:06 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:52 am

 
User avatar
LAX
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Joined: Sun Dec 24, 2000 11:06 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:56 am

You might be a Redneck if...

Fewer than half of your cars run.
 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 11:58 am

 
ren41
Posts: 1456
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 3:24 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 12:02 pm

Here's a really old one that I'm sure most og you have heard before. It also isn't too funny.

--What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?--

---They both say insert Bill--

I told you it wasn't very funny! Smile/happy/getting dizzy

~~®en41~~
 
lehpron
Posts: 6846
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:13 pm

The Adult Version of 'The Night Before Christmas'

'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,

"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. "
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jocked, to cover my ass,
When down the chimmney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was al smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"
He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were
packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.
A fu*k ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying,"Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a
bitch!"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"


MERRY CHRISTMAS
The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
 
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LAX
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 1:31 pm

Lehpron.......

Very Nice indeed !

Didn't I hear Perry Como sing that version on his last Christmas Special?  Big grin
 
WillL
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 3:26 pm

How can you tell if Micheal Jackson has company?







There is a merry-go-round outside his house
Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag?






One is totaly plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, the other you use to carry your groceries in.
 
lehpron
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 7:15 pm

 Laugh out loud

Lax, you're funny man, I can't get that baby outta my head! Dude, you're on my list.  Big thumbs up

Also, I just thought I'd throw in the word "penis" just because some of you are looking.
The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
 
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BNE
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RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Mon Nov 19, 2001 7:46 pm

Sorry I don't mean to offend but if you want some sick jokes I got some.


Babies

Q. Whats better than 2 babies in 1 bucket.
A. 1 baby in 2 buckets.

Q. Whats the difference between a trailer load of sand and a trailer load of babies.
A. You can't shovel sand with a pitch fork.

Q. Whats better than swinging a baby around on a swing.
A. Stopping it with a pitch fork.

Elephants.
Q. How many elephants can you fit in a mini
A. Four 2 in the front; 2 in the back.

Q. How do you know if you have one elephant in your frdge.
A. There are foot prints in the jelly.

Q. How do you know if you have two elephants in your fridge.
A. You can hear whispering.

Q. How do you know if you have three elephants in your fridge.
A. You can't close the door.

Q. How do you know if you have four elephants in your fridge.
A. Theres a mini parked outside. HA, HA, HA


Why fly non stop when you can connect
 
airlinelover
Posts: 5287
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 8:03 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Tue Nov 20, 2001 1:31 am

Here's one I read a long time ago.. (Forgive me if I type it wrong..)

A Blonde female is driving on the Expressway. FAST. A cop sees her and pulls her over.. The cop walks up to the car and..

Cop: Ma'am, can I have your Drivers License?
Blonde: Driver's liscense? What's that?
Cop: The little card with your picture on it that says you are allowed to drive.
Blonde: Oh Duh!!! Here you go!
Cop: Can I have your proof of insurance?
Blonde: What's that?
Cop: The piece of paper saying you are an insured driver for this car
Blonde: Oh Duh! Here it is!
Cop: Ok Ma'am.. I need you to step out of the car

The blonde gets out, and the cop pulls his shaft out of his pants.
The Blonde exclaims: Oh no! Not another breathalyzer test!
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
 
GDB
Posts: 12653
Joined: Wed May 23, 2001 6:25 pm

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Tue Nov 20, 2001 2:47 am

Blind man was walking down the street with his guide dog, (that's a seeing-eye dog for you Americans!), they stopped to cross the road.
As they waited for the traffic to stop, the dog cocked his leg and pissed up the blind man's leg.
The blind man reached into his pocket, and held out a treat for the dog, who gratefully took it.
A passer-by, seeing all this, said to the blind man, 'that's a really nice forgiving gesture, your dog pees up your leg and you give it a treat.'
'yeah' said the blind man, 'now I know which end his mouth is, I'm gonna kick him in the balls!'

Q.What could reunite the Beatles?
A. Three bullets!

On a remote Scottish Island, a TV crew were interviewing a local farmer.
He was asked about his standing in the community.
'Well', he said, 'see that farmland over there, that's mine, but do they call me Bill the farmer? No they don't!'
'See that bakery across the way? Mine too, but do they call me Bill the baker? No they bloody don't!'
'See that stone wall over there? I built that, but do they call me Bill the builder? No they don't'
I f--ked just one bloody sheep!'




 
User avatar
LAX
Posts: 2186
Joined: Sun Dec 24, 2000 11:06 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Tue Nov 20, 2001 9:09 am

 
Delboy
Posts: 689
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2001 12:57 am

RE: How About Some Sick Jokes To Pass Some Time?

Tue Nov 20, 2001 8:21 pm


Q. When does the blind parachutist know when to pull
the chord?

A. When the dog lead goes slack.

*****************************************

This is THE BEST CHAIN LETTER EVER:

Hello, my name is Sid & I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send email, $1000? How stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model in the magazine! What a bunch of bulls#*t.

Basically, this message is a big F#*K YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do! than to send me stupid chain mail.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. F#*k them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends" and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being.

I don't f#*king care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't p#*s people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

*****************************************


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