Hello, my name is Matt and I suffer from the guilt of
not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent
to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough
money to have it removed before her redneck parents
sell her to a traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
give you, and everyone to whom you send e-mail,
$1000? How stupid are you?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and
make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model
in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit.
Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do than to
send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD
and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send
me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send
this to 10 of your closest friends" and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from some omniscient being.
I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually contributing to by sending out
Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's
threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the
rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by
making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana
with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant
for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents
per letter he'll receive if you forward this e-mail.
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise,
tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will
consume your genitals.