Topic Author
Posts: 2503
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2000 3:11 am

Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:48 pm

God... anyone here ever realize how many times you can listen to one song - just one - for six or seven hours strait? I don't know what you guys do at your computers, but I've been up all night (it's 6 am here) just listening... who cares what to, but just one song.

And it was a bad day for me yesterday. It's hard being the only 18 year old you've ever met who doesn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. But, y'know, it feels good. It feels good because all that peer pressure is there, and you can see it, and point to it, and show yourself your friends who were all opposed to smoking and swore they'd never do drugs and thought wildly drunken parties were stupid... and now are no stranger to any. And none in their own right will destroy a person, but I sort of decided that maybe I would see if it was even possible to go it alone, because you know when you take that road that there aren't gonna' be many other cars.
But man - on a road with no cars, its amazing how you don't have to worry about getting run over or stressed out or pushed along when you don't really want to go.
Yeah - yesterday was a really hard day, 'cause people were bitching about everything and when they bitch they smoke, and when they smoke they talk, and I love to talk. I love to sit with people and let out thoughts and just vent and vent and dream and get it all out and have a good, wholesome conversation. And I stand there in the restaurant where I work making big dollars because they're all back in the break room in their cloud, and I'm, well... alone.

And people have to have some reason to hate other people, and if they don't, they're not cool. This is all teenage stuff, I guess. It's very mature, they think, to be totally opposed to another human being, to look at someone and in a totally adult voice say, "That hoe is such a f_cking b_tch." And the others nod and say, "Yeah, she's such a tramp." And they laugh and they know they're right.
So yesterday kinda' sucked 'cause it gets to a point sometimes where you just can't really stand it, knowing that they're all going to get laid with people they don't even know 'cause they're so drunk, knowing that they've been hi in their way, knowing that I'm going home to spend six hours at my computer talking to you guys (thanks  Wink/being sarcastic), knowing that I pretty much have chosen not to go down that road whether it's hard or not.

And yesterday I got a call from a modeling agency. They want me to go and try out for IMTA, the International Modeling and Talent Association. They have a big "thing" every six months and while auditions are pretty much open to anyone, I went to this agency a while ago and auditioned for them and they loved me and - yes, self, that's right, they loved you - and in two weeks I'm gonna' go have myself a singin', acting, cold-readin', runway-walkin' ball of a time.

And I have this wild dream, this weird dream, that someday - someday, I will be able to reach people and let them know that you don't have to smoke and drink and do drugs and get laid with people you don't even know... just to be cool.

Yesterday was hard, but the sun has just come up and I've spent six hours writing poems and songs and even designing my bloody airport a little bit.
I dunno' how much of this rambling makes sense, but I'm just glad I survived...

one more day.
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri May 11, 2001 6:05 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 10:51 pm

Are you kidding? There are probably more straightedge 18 year olds than any other age.

Although I am almost 20, I have been straightedge since my mid-teens. I'm not going to preach straightedge or anything, but I think it was the right choice for me.

Sure, it sucked having your friends begging you to go over to someone's house to get "wasted" but I didn't do it and I am kinda proud of that.

Go to a straightedge punk show or something in Chicago and meet some people!

Posts: 669
Joined: Fri May 11, 2001 6:05 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:03 pm

Well, not that you need to meet anyone. I did pretty well on my own.
Topic Author
Posts: 2503
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2000 3:11 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:06 pm

lol, I've never even heard the term "straightedge" before. Anyway, I've never met another one (that I know of, I'm sure there are plenty out there, but...).
Topic Author
Posts: 2503
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2000 3:11 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:08 pm

...and I'm not really into anything punk. It doesn't help liking Country music much I s'pose, does it? (Hey, but at least you can understand what the singers are saying... sometimes...)
Posts: 887
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2001 3:19 pm

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:22 pm

You two be careful you don't hurt your shoulder patting yourselves on the back like that...
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri May 11, 2001 6:05 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:58 pm

Heh, that was clever.

Oh well, I'm used to it.
Posts: 2291
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2001 2:34 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Thu Feb 14, 2002 2:34 am

When I broke up with my girlfriend, I listened to Lit "Addicted" for 5 hours.
Posts: 453
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2000 11:25 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Thu Feb 14, 2002 3:33 am

Peer Pressure is a crock of shit.
Posts: 5287
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 8:03 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Thu Feb 14, 2002 6:40 am

I have done that.. Listened to a song for hours on end.. I am also 23 years old, don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or any of that.. There is just no way to win by doing it.. I see people coming into my work buying smokes, and a lot of them smell like they live in a home that is totally smoke-filled, and it smells awful.. Also, there are people so stinking drunk, you can smell it on them 10 feet from the counter, and they want to know why i'm talking in another language (English is all I know).. Anyway, as for drugs, one of the WORST smells in the world is pot being smoked.. I won't have ANY part of ANY of it..

Right on man!

Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
Posts: 2882
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 1999 5:47 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Thu Feb 14, 2002 8:15 am

okay you guys no matter what...


I used to have no friends because everyone wanted to get drunk and smoke pot, but then i found people who didnt.

life wasn't worth the balance, or the crumpled paper it was written on
Posts: 4251
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2000 9:58 am

RE: Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And Okay.

Thu Feb 14, 2002 8:30 am

I'm definitely straightedge...well take the "straight" away, and you've got me. But it's not very hard to be a good kid. Common sense, really: if you've got it, you'll do well and succeed and feel like you have the world before your feet. If you don't, you'll go and do lots of stupid shit and generally fuck up your entire life. Luckily for me, I've chosen friends who are generally the same way, although it depresses me when people I am close to start show a lack of common sense when it comes to drinking, drugs, and smoking.

Generally, I'm glad that I've gone against what happens to much of my, ahem, "demographic" and not flunked out of school and/or not paid attention to any academic subject, instead throwing my efforts into drama (lol j/k).

Oh, and I actually had an experience with a modeling agency a few months ago too. They loved me blah blah blah, but when I looked at the paperwork, they were pretty much just trying to bilk me by offering me these "modeling classes" and giving me all the work when it comes to finding an agent and jobs, etc. So although I wish anyone luck with this kind of thing, just remember to closely examine what you're getting into, at least before you pay any money!!

Aaron G.

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