In the interest of saving you guys and girls money by not wasting it on a shocking holiday I want to tell you about a place that I have just visited: The Republic of Nauru.
Oh My God. You may think that your country has problems but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing can compare to this dot in the middle of the pacific. I took off from Sydney airport on Air Naurus only B737-400 early in the morning and was not very impressed. A number of the seats were broken and there was no entertainment system to speak of, and the drinks ran out half an hour out of Sydney. However the crew were nice and I did manage to get off the plane without a scratch. When I disembarked I was greeted with a massive wall of heat the smaked me over the head. I went through customs and immigration and made my way out to get a cab. There are two hotels in the entire country, one was a supposed world class resort that when removing the sheets from my bed because they had another black out, was amazed to find a number of ants and toe nail clippings. After that i decided to go to the beach. I had heard wonderful things about diving off the coast so i was excited indeed. I arrived at the beach, sweat pouring down my face, the sand was scorching, there were these weird coral towers poking out of the sand and had i taken a wrong step I could have been decapitated. I made my way into the water and suddenly I realised that it must have been mating season because I was suddenly surrounded by some very upset sting rays. I got out of the water and went for a walk to the main town of yaren only to find that some bastard had stolen my towel. why?? As i made my way into town past parliament and other buildings I hired a bike to take a look aroung the island. WARNING, NEVER HIRE A BIKE TO GO TO THE CENTRE OF THE ISLAND!!!! I reached the middle of Nauru, It was desolate, dry, the ground was a scorched rusty colour with deep cravasses from the days of phosphate mining, I noticed a pack of wild dogs in the distance playing in a mini tornado. Suddenly the dogs looked at me and started to go as fast as they could in my direction. So I made a speedy exit. I returned to the hotel and asked to change rooms. I was told that there was another black out and I should stay in my room because there was a rather bad storm coming our way. Oh joy! what a bloody thrill! I went to my room and discovered that the contents of the mini bar were either warm or melted. So I went to bed. I was woken at about 3am by Helen Clark doing an interview on NZTV. The power had obveously returned. I began to pack for the flight home after a shocking weekend. I left the hotel, and hopped into a cab. He wouldnt shut up with that stupid cab chat:
"You from 'Stralia?"
"yes i am actually"
"Where you from in 'Stralia?"
"Ahhh! vely nice! I have good friend in Sydedy. You know him???"
"Uhh, whats his name?"
"His name is um, Robert."
"I'm afraid I dont know a Robert."
"i have another friend name Sam in Melbourne, you know him?"
Thank god the island is only 18 square kms so this agony was short lived. I checked in and was told that my flight would leave at 9:45am.
I passed customs which involved me emptying the entire contents of my bag and then repacking them because "There is blackout and X-Ray machine is on blink".
9:45am came and went, 10:45am came and went. At 11am I walked around looking for someone to find out what the hold up was. Technical difficulties i was told, but in about 30 mins I was onboard and on my way Home.
So in short, If you choose to fly to nauru, do so at your own risk. Biggest waste of money in my life!
Fighting for the glory of the Australian Republic.