And I don't think Singapore ever gets discussed in the news there right? The last time was probably when we caned that guy for serious damage of public property. So that's probably the only impressions Americans have at all about this country!
Typical question I get from Americans: Do you get caned for chewing gum?
Reply: Caning is mandatory for most offences like jaywalking, littering,spitting, gum-chewing, possession of Cosmopolitan magazine. Death is only for serious offences like car scratching, running red lights, using the cellphone in movie theatres, parking in no parking zones and not singing the national anthem out loud
We do have that 2pm curfew, but on the eve of National Holidays (like the Day of Joyous Destruction of Deviant Books, Magazines and Internet Servers), we get to stay out as late as 3pm.
We are conscripted at 15 and do not finish our National Military Service until we are 50, though the women can ask for early release at age 40 for childbearing reasons. Old and sick people are generally shot or made to clean up chewing gum stains in more toxic areas, like our Chemical Warfare Research facilities.
Chewing gum is also capable of stopping Mass Transit Trains (thus grinding our economy to a halt) and of course, as seen in Mission Impossible, enough chewing gum can be used to make nuclear weapons, and hence will soon be classified as a controlled substance, like plutonium and baking soda.
We do have alternatives to chewing gum anyway. We can chew Rowntree Fruit Gums (which are great fun because they stick to dentures and teeth so one can save them for later and dig them out when one feels like eating them again). We can also chew Spearmint-flavoured condoms. These are costlier but one could presumably reuse them later for safe sex (permit to use the "s" word license no. 452941).
In fact, speaking of sex (permit to use the "s" word license no. 452941) and procreation, we are also gently instructed by our government to stop at one. I do not mean we are only allowed to have sex (permit to use the "s" word license no. 452941) only once but that we can only have one child or one pet. If we already have one dog, for instance, we cannot have a child as the quota has already been met. This is to ensure that we do not face a population explosion, which would be disastrous since our land is too small.
We can see uncensored episodes of I Love Lucy. We even get Emmy-award winning shows like ER. We also get NYPD (we dropped the Blue because that suggested Pornography, and *F*R*I*E*N*D*S* (with all the gay bits snipped off, of course). These more-adult shows are slotted at more adult times, like 2am in the morning, so that children (who have a 12pm curfew) and adults (who have a 2pm curfew) will not be able to catch them. And the programs have to be watched through proxy servers, as is in the case of our Internet access.
I hope this helps clear up any misconceptions about our beloved country.If you require any further information to facilitate migrating here or working here, check out our website (diligently policed by our volunteer Young Internet Policing Executive Elite, or YIPEE for short)at http:www.youhavegottobekidding.com.