Superfly
Topic Author
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:16 am

Some may have already seen this.  Smile


For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California,
here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who
do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and
culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the
California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special
application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan
Area.
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:_________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading


Please indicate how many times

a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____


If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the
news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.


In the event of an earthquake, you should :

a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.


In the instance of rain, you should:

a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.


Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.


Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.



Length of daily commute:

a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.


When stopped by police, you should:

a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring
yourself of a hefty lawsuit.



When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:

a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?



Which part of your car will wear out most often?

a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn


The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!


Your rear view mirror is for:

a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair
Bring back the Concorde
 
tbar220
Posts: 6706
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2000 12:08 pm

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:22 am

ROFL, that's hilarious! Great stuff  Big thumbs up
NO URLS in signature
 
CcrlR
Posts: 2183
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2001 9:24 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 10:01 am

LOL My cousin in California is getting his drivers licence and I'll ask and tell him about this. This is funny and it's real.
"He was right, it is a screaming metal deathtrap!"-Cosmo (from the Fairly Oddparents)
 
KROC
Posts: 18919
Joined: Mon May 08, 2000 11:19 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 10:39 am

Wow, this is just as funny as it was when I first saw it 5 years ago! And about 100 times since them too.
 
Superfly
Topic Author
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 12:49 pm

KROC:
Some of us are a little behind the times.  Smile

Have you heard this new Rap group called Rakim?  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Bring back the Concorde
 
KROC
Posts: 18919
Joined: Mon May 08, 2000 11:19 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:44 pm

HAHA. Now that was funny Superfly. Much better than theoriginal joke1  Big thumbs up
 
airsicknessbag
Posts: 4626
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2000 2:45 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:56 pm

There´s an alternative missing in the "sex" line: [] Yes, please

Daniel Smile

P.S.: Being more serious, what´s wrong with Zovirax? OK, the others are tranquilisers/psychpharmaka, but I don´t get the what´s funny about Zovirax. (Genuine question)
 
Marco
Posts: 4005
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2000 3:41 pm

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:56 pm

LOL Great post Superfly!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

Is LA really that superficial? It almost reminds me of Dubai!
Proud to be an Assyrian!
 
mika
Posts: 2810
Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2000 7:53 am

RE: Los Angelas Drivers Exam

Sat May 04, 2002 9:57 pm

LMAO!  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up



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