I guess looking for the Closest Parking Spot is an addiction akin to cocaine or pornography.
Want to have real fun with these losers? Try these tips. All, I have done at one time or another:
As suggested above, walk towards your car like you're getting in it. Then walk away. Classic.
Get in your car, turn on the reverse lights and just sit there. Watching the sucker fidget in his car, you'd think there was an ant invasion in his pants.
Same as above, but actually pull out a few feet, then wait there a few seconds, then pull back in. Park your car, and get out and walk away as though you "forgot" something. Watching the smoke come out of the victims nostrils is indeed hilarious.
And now here's my favorite. Do it at your own risk.
You can only do it during the holidays. But if you REALLY want to beat people at this game, here's how you do it.
During the Holiday Rush season (usually between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve), the shopping malls are jammed to the gills. Even the "boonies" parking spots are taken. You're lucky to find a spot even on the same property, especially in the evenings and weekends.
Go there on a Saturday or Sunday morning at something like 7AM. Find THE CLOSEST spot to the main entrance and park there. Then, go find a nearby coffee shop and have some coffee and some bacon and eggs or whatever you like for breakfast. While you're there, read the paper or surf the 'net on your laptop (if you have one) Then, when the mall opens up (usually at 0900 or 1000), go in, do your shopping, then come out. By the time you are done, it will be around lunchtime. By then, the mall will have filled up to the gills.
But remember, you parked at THE closest spot. Well, here's where wasting your morning pays off. As people drive by, OFFER your spot to the highest bidder! Flag people down and offer them your spot.
Most of them will thumb their nose and drive off. But sooner or later (and the more crowded the mall is, the sooner it will be), some fat and lazy American spoiled with Instant Gratification will, in sheer desperation, accept your offer.
Charge $50, or $75, or whatever you can get.
Some people will argue that you can't do that. Just ignore them. Just don't leave. If you see security coming, just disappear back into the mall. Remember you parked by the front door? You'll vanish in a wink. And security has better things to do than sit and wait for you to come out.
Once you've made your $$$ for the spot, come back on Sunday and do it again.
If you start early, and commit to every weekend for the month of December, you can basically get all of your Christmas shopping subsidized for you......
And if there is more than one mall in your area, alternate between the two.