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Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2000 9:04 am

Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 1:01 am

Hey all
I need some help cause i am a little lost at the moment. I dont want to write any long boring stories, so i'll try to go straight to the point. I'm 16 and havent been a relationship before (i've been out with girls one on one but never with the intention of getting into anything). There's this girl that i like... and i plan on asking her out. However... as you may have guessed... i dont know the first thing about relationships and maintaining one. So i'd really appreciate if anyone told me something worthwhile on that one (even if its something simple like where to take a girl out [except the obvious movies/clubs], or proper etiquette). Share your stories... i could use all the help i can get.

Thanks a lot to anyone who replies
Stretch 8
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 1:15 am

Be a gentleman; get the door for her, offer your arm. Listen to her. Be respectful. Hold her hand. Be a little shy about kissing, etc. Don't brag to your friends about her (especially behind her back). As for dating, ask her what she would like to do. And don't rush into intimacy, whatever you do.
Maggs swings, it's a drive deep to left! The Tigers are going to the World Series!!!
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 2:27 am

Don't take her to the movies on a first date. You can't talk at the movies. Go bowling or miniture golfing. Something fun where you can also talk and maybe even help her bowl or golf. Be creative and have fun.
Never Trust Your Fuel Gauge
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 2:35 am

This is a winner right here. Tell her she has a nice jaw line. It lines up real good with your nuts! I bagged my first wife that way.  Big grin
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 2:48 am

Speedbird, no one can tell you exactly what to do, since there are as many different approaches as there are personalities, and what might have worked for others might not work for you. But there are a few things common to all successful relationships:

1) Be honest with your feelings. Women appreciate knowing how you feel, even if it's a negative feeling, as long as it's expressed with tact.

2) Be yourself, never pretend or lie to be something you're not. Women have an uncanny ability to find out and it's more likely that she likes you for who you already are.

3) Be confident, women are attracted to men who know what they want and how to get it. That doesn't mean you should be aggressive, just believe in yourself and your abilities.

4) Remain flexible and ready to learn. There's nothing wrong with being 16, but you will turn ANYONE off if you come off as a know-it-all instead of being willing to learn as you progress through your relationship.

5) Try to keep your expectations at a very bare minimum. From what I've seen with countless couples, it's usually expectations that finally do them in. By not having expectations, you remove that aspect of pressure and anxiety. It's far easier to get to know someone who doesn't expect anything of you.

6) Try to accept your partner for who they are. Bear in mind when you decide to enter a relationship with someone, you're accepting all the good as well as all the bad. You can be a source of inspiration, but you then must allow them to change on their own.

7) Realize that nothing lasts forever. If you feel that the relationship has run its natural course, respectfully and mutually go your separate ways. Maybe you could maintain a better relationship as friends rather than lovers.

8) Be considerate of the feelings of others. Constantly think of your partner. For example, simple little things like stopping at a store, ask your partner if she'd like you to get her something. These simple gestures go a long way to solidify a relationship.

Can't think of anything more right now, but I think these are the big ones. Good luck, have fun, and learn from the experience.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 4:16 am

While driving with her in the passenger seat, play some Tower of Power ballads over the speakers, and learn the lyrics to all of them. Tower of Power's ballads speak love very powerfully. Start with something like "So Very Hard to Go" and build up a selection from there. Their ballads are all great lover's lane songs.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 7:20 am

I say a good first date would be something fun where you can joke around. That way she can be as flirty as she wants, and it'll give you an idea of how at-ease she feels around you.
Get your patchouli stink outta my store!
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 7:32 am

Sorry, can't help you. I'm 30 and don't know the first thing about relationships or how to maintain one either. I wish you luck though! I think finding the right person really has a large part to do with it though.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 11:29 am

guys... do any ideas where i can take her out? There'd be nothing i'd like more than to take her along this picture perfect victorian street and chill at the cafes and then by the lake nearby... unfortunately thats in a short while away.... if u guys have other ideas plz let me know

thanks again
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 12:24 pm

Hold her hand. Be a gentleman.

What's another word for thesaurus?
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 12:29 pm

ahh, how this subject sucks. ;-( oh well, I like to take my dates to red lobster. then I will go to some fun place, like a game room or just cruiz the mall. this way she can flirt like nuts, gives her a good impression of you for the mael, and it seems to work.  Wink/being sarcastic
23 victor, turn right heading 210, maintain 3000 till established, cleared ILS runwy 24.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 22, 2002 12:32 pm

She's all ready for you man...

Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, Staten, Uptown, what now? Lets make it happen.

RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 10:43 am

Hahahahahaha, 174thfwff!

Not what I would call a HOT date!
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:11 pm

ask her to come over and watch Speed or some classc thriller like that. dont rush into kissing her though unless she meakes the first move which never happens almost. give her a kiss on the cheek goodnight at most on the first serious date. tell her you had alot of fun wit her, and you enjoy her company very much, do corny things too like picking a flwer out of your neighbors garden and handing it to her, girls lke that corny stuff. trust me it works... second date is good for movies, and MABEY a mouth kiss but you have to have an "eye moment" wit hher, if you two happen to look at eachother and get lost in eachothers eyes, kiss her on the lips with a closed mouth and if she responds, then yeah..... id say dont ask her out before the third date. and look for the little signals, like her smiling alot at you and looking into your eyes and maing herself comfortable when you put your arm around her. also a test i use alot is... for example hold her hand and then slowly take it away while still touching her with your fingers, if she goes after it an hold it thats good, if not she may just be insecure.

good luck

good luck
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 4:23 pm

Now that you got all that high school info on how to date a girl. I will tell you from first hand experience this one thing... "Just wait until college"!! High school relationships are a good way to learn about yourself. Who you are and what you like in girls. Perfect way to set the stage for going out and just really enjoying yourself in college! I noticed way to many people in high school held on to relationships thinking they would last forever! Not a bad thing to wish for, but its very naieve. My best advice is really try not to become very attached while dating. So many people make the mistake of thinking the first person they fall in love with will last forever. Fairy tales aside now! Bottom line is dont get too attached while your young in HS. Enjoy the time you share together as much as possible and be greatful for every day you spend with that person while dating. And then in 2 years time, you will probably be like many college guys and dating a new girl every 5 to 8 weeks! Things only get better with time mate! Enjoy every step of the way!

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 7:51 pm

1 word of advice:

Confidence is KEY!!!

Never EVER put yourself down. Don't say things like "I'm ugly" or anything else that might potentially put yourself down. Needless to say, don't EVER make the conversation "I" this or "I" that.

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 9:04 pm

Posts: 2875
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 23, 2002 11:41 pm

Funny to find this topic, cause i just got back from Seattle (back to Chicago) where my girlfriend is, and i've gotten myself into an extremely serious relationship that i don't see an end to for awhile. But anyways we're talking about you not me. The most important thing here i would tell you is to be on the same level of openness to each other. You have to be friends, best friends, better than best friends, and most other things will come natrually if you already care about each other so much as friends. Or at least that's the way it worked for me. I am 16 and (yes its crazy) i got a long distance girlfriend, and not only that but it's working against all odds. literally all odds.

so good luck speedbird.

life wasn't worth the balance, or the crumpled paper it was written on
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Sat Aug 24, 2002 2:45 am

Why do you need a girlfriend at 16?
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Sat Aug 24, 2002 3:21 am

You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend at 16, but it's fun (mostly) to have one. Tips, lets see... first date? The park is always a good choice. The summer's almost ending, so you won't have too many opportunities to do something al fresco until next summer (unless, of course, you live in a warm climate) Challenge her to a game of basketball or tennis if she's athletic, or if not, take a walk and play on the playground (it's best to do that at night, when all the kids have gone home!  Smile ), push her on the swings; it might not sound good on paper, but it's quite cute. Big plusses in my book? A guy who calls when he says he does. Oh, and if you're asking her to something, have something planned. Don't be like, "Wanna do something tonight?" "Sure, what?" "I dunno" especially when asking her on the first date, you can pull the "I dunno" a bit farther down the road if you're going out with her!  Smile I know that's very rare, so I hold on to any guy who follows that rule! It shows that you're really interested and you care about her feelings. Kisses on the first date? If I like the guy, I definitely appreciate it, but if you're not sure, follow the tips that some of the other members gave. Keep showing interest, keep your promises, and you'll definitely get somewhere. Even if this girl isn't interested in you, she might recommend to you to her single friend! One more thing, if she starts showing signs of not being interested, like always been busy and not giving you a direct answer or "I'd really love to, but I have practice, how about next week?" kind of answer, or she tells you, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in having a boyfriend right now" back off. I know it's hard, but you'll definitely sever anything with her or one of her friends if you come across as clingy. But don't give up, girls change their mind all the time. She might just call you 2 months down the road asking you out!  Smile (Trust me, this does happen) Good luck!
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Sat Aug 24, 2002 5:14 am

Speedbird- I'm in your situation, too. Everything mentioned above looks like good advice, though! My only advice would be that if the girl shuts you down (which hopefully won't happen), I'd be looking at a 2nd girl, just in case. (Pathetic idea, I know...)

My story: I'm about 15, never had a relationship or gone out with someone (never have come close), like a girl, have no idea what to do. Also, I don't have enough nerve to ask anybody out- one of my friends is willing to do it for me, although I think I should be the one to ask.

IMO, I'm with VirginLover, in that you don't NEED one now, but it's cool to have one.

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Sat Aug 24, 2002 6:10 am

Oh, another thing, don't get discouraged- I didn't have my first kiss until 14 and my first relationship until 15...and after that two month deal, there was nothing worth noting until this summer (I'm 2 months away from being 17)...tip, look outside your school if possible- guys don't give me a second glance at school, but I get attention outside of school. Keep your chin up and keep looking, she's/he's out there!
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Mon Aug 26, 2002 5:45 am

Don't become her best friend. It will ruin everything....THe girl I fell in love with turned out to be my best friend and it just ruined everything when I told her. She thought that I became close to her just to make a move and thought I didn't care. So in the end, I lost her and my best friend. It's been a year and I'm still depressed over it.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Mon Aug 26, 2002 7:33 am

Tu144d- that makes me think, everyone's got their own story sort of. There are people who say you should marry your best friend, then theres people who say the opposite, there's people who say high school relationships never work out, then theres people who marry their high school sweet heart and stay together forever,


now that I think about it Speedbird, there isnt anything you can really plan for, every relationship has it's own 'life' sort of. I think the best advice would be to 'go with the flow' and don't lead her into things you know she might respond badly to... and someone up there mentioned "dont expect anything", thats really important and good advice, just go with what happens, and seriously never expect anything to happen, even if you're madly in love with each other (someday), crossing the next line might ruin it all. So find a high and stay there, don't try to push too much.

i feel like i repeated myself like 4 times using different words- but oh well

life wasn't worth the balance, or the crumpled paper it was written on
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Mon Aug 26, 2002 8:45 am

Good one,KROC! Remember fast times at ridgemont high ? Put on the A side of Led Zepelin 5 !
Champagne For My Real Friends,and Real Pain For My Sham Friends
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Mon Aug 26, 2002 2:37 pm

Whatever you do...don't listen to the Adults in here, take your advice from teenagers...why? Adults have much different ways of going out or having a reltaionship, and they also have differentminds...so listen to your fellow teens...

So...let me begin (I'm 14) When you take a girl out for a first time...ask her what she wants to do (movies, cafe, ice cream shop, go to a mall ,or just a walk around the park) and have lots of money to pay for her...and always ask her about her interests, hobbies, or whatever and pay close attention...NEVER have one of those slow periods when none of you say anything or just go *soooooo.......* always keep on talking and finding out more about your girl.
I'd like to elect a president that has a Higher IQ than a retarted ant.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Mon Aug 26, 2002 4:42 pm

I just thought I would take a swing at replying here.

And please just keep in mind, I am only 14 years old and have ABSOLUTELY NO experience dating. I have just watched and observed many teenage relationships and may be able to provide a little insight into the topic.

Weither or not teenage dating is pointless or not really depends on what you expect...

It is completely pointless (In most cases) if you expect...

(A) To find your true love.
(B) To find a lifelong romantic partner. And to be with that person forever.
(C) To have an extremly intimate relationship.

It is not pointless at all if you expect...

(A) To be able to make a friend or friends.
(B) To get to know someone better.
(C) To gain experience for later in your life. When romantic relationships have much more merit to your future.

This will not sound new at all, as many people in this thread have already said it, but there can be no one "all-inclusive" guide. You have to handle everything as it come to you (A skill you will learn over time). And since every relationship is different you have to be able to adjust. All you can get here are possible ways to handle these situations.

What I think is..

-You will know what is right when the time comes. Just never be too pushy, dont come on too strong. It will just happen when it is right.

-Dont expect too much from the relationship.

-Don't just persue a romance, persue a friendship too. Even if the relationship fails you may still be able to have a good friend.

-Don't try to do anything to elaborate or extravigant. It many times will just crumble to pieces. Just try out the bacic stuff first (Park)

-Be who you are and NEVER lie. (They know when you lie and when you are trying to cover up who you are)

-Be confident but dont be bossy. Dont think she is your property ar that she has to like you.

-Also be honest with youself. This has a lot to do with the two suggestions above.

-Be polite and gentlemanly (Is that a word???).

-Never prejudge her.

I sure hope I helped somebody. And I apologize to anyone who I worte the exact same thing as them.

Shawn Patrick
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 29, 2002 12:50 pm

I sure hope you have a car and can drive, because if not that makes things really awkward... which is why I haven't done any "real" dating yet.

Advice? I think the best advice I can give you in ANY situation is to relax. I mean R-E-L-A-X.

I know it's really hard, and it's really really hard for me. But when I'm nervous about something, I screw it up 100% of the time. Whether it's a band audition, playing in a concert, playing a solo on my clarinet or piano, running a race, public speaking, or hanging out with a girl - if I'm nervous, it all gets flubbed up.

You just have to relax. Let everything go. You know, just forget about everything and just think about the here and now. You will be having lots of fun with your girl. When you stop worrying about everything else and just focus on having a good time, it will feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your chest. You'll feel light-hearted and the conversation and the LOVE will start to flow.

It's as simple as that. Nothing to study, nothing to remember. Just be nice, courteous, confident, suave, all that stuff that should just come naturally (hopefully).

Dating/love is supposed to be unrehearsed, and it's supposed to be fun. If you're worrying about anything or if your mind is somewhere else, your girl will definetly pick up on it. You won't have a good time, the date will be a failure.

It's kind of like saying "DO NOT study for this test, because if you do you'll fail." How cool is that?

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 29, 2002 2:18 pm

Speedbird...At least u HAVE a girl that u CAN ask out! I am jealous. lol At my school, since I have been going to school with the same 100 people since Kindergarden, the girls say relationships are a no-no because "we are like brothers to them and the best friends they will ever have...blah blah blah" I am not exaggerating when I say that 95% of the guys in my school are not in stable relationships now. Homecoming and Prom are complete jokes because its like asking u'r freakin sister out.  Sad So many of these girls are my very best friends and we flirt with each other, have fun with each other, and are always there for each other...but they will not allow "relationships" to develop due to the fact that the "friendship trap" has engulfed us all. I personally dont understand why they would rather go out with a guy they meet off the street compared to me, a guy they are best friends with and know everything about and know that I will never hurt them.

Anyways, I'm done venting about me  Smile I am 17 and obviously have never been in a relationship (nor have a majority of the guys in my school). I say ask this girl out, and if the "just-friends" rule applies, just look at it as another friend u can talk to/flirt with. As for etiquette, it varies from girl to girl. Some girls I know get completly offended when I offer to pay for them at the movies and others really appreciate it. However, let me just give you this warning...set you expectations low because, more likely than not, your heart will be broken.

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Thu Aug 29, 2002 11:11 pm

Pgh...go scouting in your neighboring town!  Smile All the guys I hang out at my school I've known for so long, so it's just weird to start a relationship. The few that have attempted a relationship make their friends take sides when they break up, so it never really works. Not to mention that these people know everything about you since you've grown up together, half the fun in the relationship I think is getting to know your boyfriend/girlfriend. Look around town, find someone who doesn't go to your school, it's a lot easier to start a relationship that way...it worked for me!  Smile
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 30, 2002 12:03 am

If you hae to try hard to impress her, give her the boot.
(As in so hard you are not yourself.)
Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, Staten, Uptown, what now? Lets make it happen.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 30, 2002 1:53 am

Look at her straight in the eye and say:

Hey babe, wanna get laid?

This worked for me once. Don't know if it will work for you.
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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 30, 2002 5:48 am

VirginLover...Trust me, I go "scouting" every opportunity I get. However, the fact of life is, all other normal girls already have boyfriends! And those that dont have boyfriends feel that something must obviously be wrong with me since I cant get a girlfriend at my own school. Its a lose-lose situation. Another depressing aspect of my life is perhaps a trip to Florida that I took this past June. I met quite a few single girls who I made brief friendships with. They all said I was one of the nicest guys they have ever met, very cute, and they cant believe that I dont have a girlfriend. However, NONE of these girls lived less than 500 miles away from me! Let me just say how much I am looking forward to college next year where I dont know a single lady friend.  Smile hehe

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RE: Teenage Relationships

Fri Aug 30, 2002 9:12 am

I think I've got the best piece of advice for you of anybody here (being that I have a massive ego and all).

Don't concern yourself this much with it. Look nice, be a good guy, talk with girls, and sooner or later you'll find a great one. In the mean time, do your homework!  Big thumbs up

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