Hello, I will list here to the best of my ability the things a normal person would say against some type of car. Correct me if I stereotype wrong. First, let's look at me, I drive a '92 S10 utility truck that just had $5000 put into the body. Now I'm not your stereotypical small truck/SUV driver. In order to suck the most miles out of the fuel, I accelerate annoyingly slow, let other drivers illegaly pass me up in the oncoming lane, then pass them up later where it is legal. Anyway, here's the under the breath rants when each car drives annoying:
Pickeminup Trucks/Hot Rod SUVs: Look at that moron in that thing! He thinks he rules the road and can attempt to rear-end me at every stop, then he tries to drill his license plates into my bumper if he can't rub the corner blowing past me in the other lane. Then look at him snarl at me through his Babe Zaharas wrap-arounds as if I won't know who he is! Oh wait, is this me catching up with him now that he's accelerated fast as hell to his comfy speed?
Luxury Cars: Look at that jack@$$ pulling out right in front of me from his side street when I'm about a second away from hitting him! Wait, he isn't even accelerating!!! Woohoa, he can't even stay in his lane as he tries to sip his coffee and read his damn newspaper! Okay, four-lane highway, maybe I can pass him up. Wait, why has he just decided to drag-race me? Now that I've beaten him back into the lane, why did he give me a snarl, ride my bumper for five more miles per hour, then suddenly bleed off his speed to around ten under?
Corvettes: Hay, someone drives normally!!!
Large Tank SUVs: Will this lady ever approach within five of the speed limit? She can see that people behind her are getting annoyed, so why can't she push it just a little faster? BTW, what's up with the TV in the back seat? Must be the kids she's trying to protect to the best of her motherly abilities by annoying everyone behind her. Wait, if she was trying to protect her children, does she know I'm about to rear-end her???
Minivans: Okay, what is this minivan doing blocking the middle of the highway attempting to get across the street into the other lanes? Did she see that I was coming, or perhaps that there would be no way in hell she could go before I got to her lane? Instead, I'm sitting here in the middle of the friggin highway waiting for her to find a slot in oncoming traffic so she can conveniently enter at her leisure and drive her groceries home.
Economy Cars: Okay, what's this little hotrod trying to do by drag racing me and riding the bolts on my bumper? Is this little punk trying to prove something? Shall I get out of my car and pop him in the nose at the next stoplight?
Police Cars: Okay, every friggin stretch of open highway I get, this moron has to drive behind me and make sure I travel the absurdely slow speed limit while he conveniently tailgates me. Then if I push 5 MPH faster he still rides me, then if I push 6 MPH he flashes his lights so he can pop a bonus by pulling me over giving me a moronic speeding ticket! BTW, why's he following me and running my plates? Is he that desperately bored???
...okay, I just needed to escape the reality of my final paper for a class and come up with a witty and imaginative way of venting
. Hope you guys get a kick out of those scenarios. BTW, that in no way reflects my driving habits(normally
I don't know, so this is my signature.