virgin744
Posts: 825
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 1999 5:51 pm

On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 3:29 am

I have been reading way too many negative posts lately & wanted to distract everyone from the impending doom & gloom, so....Below is my all-time fav quotes from the Simpsons. Its no wonder its lasted soooo long! I have listed my top 10 that I have found on a good website and challenge anyone and everyone to come up with any better ones;

10: Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

9: Homer: God bless those pagans.

8: [Homer is applying for a job as a department store Santa Claus.]
Manager: Do you like children?
Homer: What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts?

7: Dealer: 19.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 20.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 21.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 22.
Homer: D'oh!

6: Homer: Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

5: Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

4: [Looking at Uruguay on a map]
Homer: Heehee! Look at this country! "You are gay."

3: [Praying heavenward]
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

2: Homer: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!
Marge: *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.


And my all-time fav quote
1: Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!


 Laugh out loud
 
AMSMAN
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Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2002 6:24 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 3:42 am

Fat Homer: "the number can not be dialed bacause your fingers are too fat!"
Aer Lingus, Proud to be Irish.
 
srbmod
Posts: 15446
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2001 1:32 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 5:05 am

Ralph: Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking!
Ralph: I bent my Wookie.
Ralph: Hi Supernintendo Chalmers.

Homer (to Marge): Do you remember when we used to make out to this hymn?
Homer (after building a barn instead of a pool) D'oeth!


 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 5:06 am

It taste like burning
It tatse like Grandma
My freakin ears hurt
Go big or go home
 
dragon-wings
Posts: 3907
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2001 4:55 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 5:34 am

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."

Homer singing: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Homer: "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

Homer: "Now, remember! As far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family."

Homer: "You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. ... I told you! My baby beat me up! ... No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up. ..."

Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way"




Don't give up don't ever give up - Jim Valvano
 
virgin744
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Joined: Sat Nov 13, 1999 5:51 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:10 am

Homer: The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth.

[Homer and Marge have been called in to the school to talk to Principal Skinner.]
Principal Skinner: Thank you for coming.
Homer: Thank you for getting me out of work.


Miss Hoover: Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
Ralph: What's Lyme disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one.
[goes to blackboard]
Principal Skinner: Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called `ticks'.
[writes `TICKS' on blackboard]
Principal Skinner: When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood...
Miss Hoover: [not calmed] Oh...
Principal Skinner: Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The brain!? Oh, dear God...
Class: Wow!

Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph Wiggum: I ated the purple berries... oooh, oohh
[falls to ground]
Ralph Wiggum: ooohhh!
Lisa: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph Wiggum: They taste like...burning!

Lisa: It was...a vampire!
Homer: Lisa honey, vampires aren't real! There's made up, like elves, goblins, and Eskimos!

Homer: Oh, no! We killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is going to be so mad!

[The oil rig Homer's working on has caught on fire]
Homer: Oh no! This is how faceless Joe lost his legs!

 
Beefmoney
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:11 am

Homer to Apu: Hi Apu, can I have some of that beer with candy floating it in, ya know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist sir, you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh......then just give me a 6 pack of beer and some skittles.


 Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile
 
virgin744
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Joined: Sat Nov 13, 1999 5:51 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:17 am

STOP! I'm pissing myself with laughter!!!!  Nuts

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed?
 
TWAL1011
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:31 am

 
virgin744
Posts: 825
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 1999 5:51 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:42 am

Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

Homer: Bad bees! Get away from my sugar! Ow! OW!! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!

Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!  Nuts  Nuts
 
FltMech9
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 6:55 am

Homer (to Lisa): So your never eating meat again?!
Lisa: That's right Dad
Homer: What about pork chops?
Lisa: No!
Homer: ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: bacon?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal
Homer: Yes, Lisa........ a magical, wonderful animal!
 
QANTAS747-438
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 8:09 am

Homer immitating a voice on the phone...

Homer: Hello, will you drive up to Widow's Peak to plow my house? There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which President is on it?
Homer: Uhhh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch.
Barney: WOW!

----------------

Jane: We're having a free get aquainted session at our resort this weekend.
Homer: How much is this free resort weekend?
Glen: It's free.
Homer: And when is this weekend?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: Uh huh, and how much does it cost?
Glen: Umm, it's free.
Homer: I see, and when is it?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: And what are you charging for this free weekend?
My posts/replies are strictly my opinion and not that of any company, organization, or Southwest Airlines.
 
User avatar
c172akula
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 8:32 am

Homer: "You know me Marge. I like my coffee hot, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming!!"

Homer at the post office: "Hello...my name is Mr.Burns, I believe you have a package for me."

Postman: "Ok sir, and your first name is?"

Homer: "I don't know."
 
L-188
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 1:42 pm

Remember when the Germans bought the power plant?

"We regret to announce the following layoffs, in alphabetical order, Simpson, Homer........................That is all."

OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
 
AC320
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Sun Mar 02, 2003 4:34 pm

One of the best scenes ever from Season 5, Episode 4 where Homer performs stand-up comedy at Mr. Burns' birthday party:

Homer: You know Mr. Burns is so cheap
Burns: What?!
Homer: I mean, you know, Mr. Burns is so old...
Burns: How dare you!
Homer: ummm, tough crowd. Better break out the big guns. *Clears throat*, here's an impression of Mr. Burns you mind find a bit "cheeky"

*Homer pulls down his pants and moons the audience revealing a badly drawn face on his ample derriere

Homer: I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah, do this do that, blah blah blah, I think I'm so big, blah blah blah.

Burns: *gestures to his security guards* (in a quiet, cold voice) Destroy him.

*Guards grab Homer and club him over the head*

Burns: This party is over

*Burns and Smithers get up and leave as riot police storm in, and for no reason what-so-ever begin beating the crap out of the party guests with batons.

Classic Homer combined with classic Simpsons insanity.
fuddle duddle
 
virgin744
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 12:42 am

a couple more.......

Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all!

Homer: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

 Laugh out loud
 
gocaps16
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 1:57 am

This is all from one episode.

Back at Moe's Tavern, a man in a top hat with a mustache walks in. He
looks and sounds like Homer, only he has a British accent.

Guy: Greetings, good men. Might I trouble you for a drink?
Moe: Oh, get out of here, Homer.
Guy: Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy Incognito.
[he gets beaten up and tossed out, unconscious]
Homer: [walks up, looks at Guy] [gasps] Oh my God! This man is my exact
double. [gasps] Oh my God! That dog has a puffy tail!
[he chases it, giggling] Here, Puff! Here, Puff!


Homer's quest takes him to the airport.

Homer: The last bar in Springfield...if they don't let me in
here, I'm going to have to quit drinking!
Homer's liver: Yay!
Homer: Shut up, liver! [punches it] Ow! My liver hurts...
[walks in] I'd like a beer, please.
Bartender: Uh, sorry, you gotta be a pilot to drink in here.
Homer: Um, but I _am_ a pilot.
Bartender: Where's your uniform?
Homer: Um...I stowed it safely in the overhead compartment.
Bartender: Well, you talk the talk. Here's a loaner. [gives him a
uniform]


Here is my favorite.

A man bursts in, breathless.

Man: We need a pilot, pronto! Who wants to fly to the Windy City?
[pilots all go, "Oh, I'll go!", "Me", "I'm your man", etc.]
Man: Conditions are a little windy.
[pilots all go, "Well", "I dunno", "Never mind", etc.]
Man: [to Homer] You!
Homer: [now dressed as a pilot] But I --
Man: Hey...you're not just impersonating a pilot so you can drink
here, are you?
Homer: Yeah. That's exactly why I'm here.
Man: [laughs] You fly boys, you crack me up.
Homer: [being pushed into the cockpit] But I keep telling you I'm not a
pilot!
Man: And I keep telling you you fly boys crack me up!
-- "Fear of Flying"

Alan: Hi, I'm Alan. I'm your copilot.
Homer: Uh, yeah, uh, hmm. Er, uh, as a change of pace, I'm going to let
you do most of the work. I think you're ready for it, Alan.
[Alan makes a face]
And, um, I'll just get us started.
[flips a switch randomly]
Alan: Uh, we'll need that to live.
[Homer flips another switch; the wheels retract and the plane
smashes into the runway]


Homer: So, Marge, pretty sweet, eh?
Marge: Hmm. Oh, I forgot to clean the lint basket in the dryer. If
someone broke into the house and did laundry, it could start a
fire.
[a baby starts crying]
Bart: Oh, great. I specifically asked not to be seated next to a baby.
[camera pulls back to reveal Maggie crying]
Abe: [looking out window] Wow...we must be _really_ flying high!
Those people down there look all tiny and blurry...just like the
inside of a cataract.
-- Conversation while the plane is on the ground, "Fear of Flying"

Stewardess: [over PA] Attention passengers. Due to our policy of
overselling flights, this flight has been oversold. In
accordance with FAA rules, the first two people to the front
will be upgraded to first class.
[everyone rushes madly; Bart and Lisa climb over everyone]
Stewardess: OK, you two!
Lisa: Come on, Bart! They're going to pamper us!
Bart: [gasps]
Lisa: Not _literally_, of course.
[in first class, someone fills Bart's martini glass with
milk]
Bart: I come for the service, [sigh] but I stay for the leg room.
[Lisa roasts marshmallows over a mini-fire on her tray]
-- "Fear of Flying"

The pilot announces, "Flight crew, prepare for takeoff." Marge starts
hyperventilating and shredding a napkin. When the seatbelt sign comes
on, she panics.

Marge: [panicked] I think I'll go get a picture of the plane taking off.
[struggles with her seat belt]
Homer: Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Is it
gas? It's gas, isn't it?
Marge: Homer, I've never told you this before, but I'm not a good flyer.
[pants, gasps] I have to get off the plane. Let me off the
plane. [stands up] I'm asking you nicely to open the doors!
Homer: Take it easy, Marge. How about if we dope you up real good?
Marge: [screaming] Let me off let me off let me off let me off let me
off let me off -- [runs up and down the aisle]
[the plane takes off as the family watches]
Homer: It's OK, Marge. We don't need to go on a trip; we'll just wait
for the killer bees to come to us.
-- Homer, consoling, "Fear of Flying"

[End of Act One. Time: 8:33]

The family unpack their suitcases at home.

Bart: You know, I have this feeling that we forgot something...
Abe: [still on the plane] Aaaaah!

AND FINALLY

The family finally get on a plane together.

Homer: Don't worry about a thing, honey. I'm going to help you through
this.
[he and Marge sit down; some noises occur]
Those are all normal noises. Luggage compartment closing...cross
checking...just sit back and relax.
[shot from outside the plane]
That's just the engine powering up...that's just the engine
struggling...
[the plane drives off the runway into a swamp]
That's just a carp swimming around your ankles...
Marge: Mmm...


 
gocaps16
Posts: 4138
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 2:12 am

Oh yea, this is to our friends in Down Unda.

Bart grabs the phone book and looks under "International Dialing". He
dials 577562374257635623567462357736257635725 (those darn country codes)
for Antarctica and awaits an answer.

Bart: Hello, Southern hemisphere? Which way does the water go in your
toilet?
Man 1: [sighs] Just a minute, I'll check.
[walks into bathroom; toilet water is frozen]
Man 2: [walking in with a magazine] Aw, nuts.
-- Bart checks with Antarctica, "Bart vs. Australia"

Next, Bart dials a palatial-looking building in a jungle. {The view of
the building is cut for one second.}

Aide: Please to repeat again and I will translating for the el
presidente.
Bart: [slowly] Which way does the water turn in your toilet?
Aide: [in Spanish] He says the tide is turning!
Presidente: Ay, caramba! Then the rebels will soon take the capital. I
must flee! [dives out window]
-- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia"

Bart rues his luck.

Bart: I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.
[tries another number]
[a phone rings in a car in a foreign country]
Adolf: Eine minuten, eine minuten! [ringing stops]
Ach! Das facken phone ist ein...nuisance phone!
Man: [riding by on penny farthing bicycle] Buenos notches, mein
fuehrer.
Adolf: Ja, Ja.
-- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia"

A pay phone sticking out of a sea of lava rings. A man sitting on the
roof of his house floats by; he reaches for the phone but falls
screaming into the lava.

Lisa: [walking in] Bart, you can't actually _call_ these places.
Don't you know how expensive international calls are?
Bart: [dials] Hello, Operator? I'd like to make a collect call to
[in Australia, a phone rings; a koala electrocutes itself]
Operator: This is the international operator. Will you accept a collect
call from --
Bart: [lowering voice] Uh, yes. Uh, ahem, this is Dr. Bart Simpson
of the International Drainage Commission. It's an emergency.
Tobias: If it's an emergency, then.
Bart: We understand some drains in your area have been
malfunctioning, sucking in people and...whatnot.
Tobias: Willikers! That's awful.
Bart: [gravely] Indeed. We need you to check your sinks and toilets
and tell us which way the water is going, and please! Stand
clear.
[Tobias checks sink and toilet]
Tobias: [breathless] The fixtures...they're all draining clockwise,
Sir!
Bart: D'oh, she was right, stupid Lisa science queen.
-- Bart forgets his sisters' mental superiority, "Bart vs. Australia"

Bart: Look, why don't you just check your neighbor's drains? I'll
hold.
[Tobias rides trike off down long dirt road]
Milhouse: [at the window] Hey, Bart! The bakery caught fire and all of
downtown smells like cookies! Wanna go smell?
Bart: Yes...yes, I do. [leaves phone off hook]
[later that night, Bart walks back into the kitchen]
["Hello! Sir! Sir!" is heard from phone, still off the
hook]
Bart: [picking up phone] Huh?
Tobias: I've returned from the Koolamuggerys' place...they're draining
clockwise too!
Bart: Draining? I don't care about that any more.
Tobias: Are we in any dang --
[Bart hangs up]


So the family take a flight on Transhemispheric Airlines. The camera
pans through a cross section of the Earth, past coffins for humans and
dinosaurs, through the center of the planet where Vishnu operates
machinery and wipes sweat from his brow.

The family arrive at customs looking bedraggled.

Homer: Oh. We left at 1:30pm Monday. What time is it now?
Lisa: It's 6:45am next Wednesday. You may also be interested to know
that it's summer here, not winter.
Homer: Oh! [throws his sled away]
Bart: What does that sign say? ["Advisory: foreign florae and faunae
prohibited!"] I thought they spoke English here!
Lisa: It says you can't bring in outside plants or animals. Any
foreign creature you bring in could upset the environmental
balance.
Bart: Oh. [removes toad from bag] Sorry, girl. I don't want to get
into any more trouble down here. I'll pick you up on the way
home. [puts it on the edge of a fountain]
-- Bart, ecosystem havoc-wreaker, "Bart vs. Australia"

At the US embassy, the family walk inside the wrought-iron gates. Homer
spots a marine standing guard.

Homer: Hey! Are you like one of those English guards who can't laugh
or smile or anything? [makes noises and faces at him]
[gets punched in the face] Ow!
Marine: No, Sir! US Marine Corps, Sir!

The family walk out of the embassy. Bart passes a sign saying "Now
Entering Australia."

Bart: Hey, G.I.Joe: your sign's broken. We're already in Australia.
Marine: Actually, Sir, the embassy is considered American soil, Sir!
Homer: Really? Look, boy, now I'm in Australia...[hops over the line]
Now I'm in America...Australia! America!
Bart: I get it, Dad.
Homer: Australia! America!
Marge: Homer, that's enough!
Homer: Australia! America! [gets punched] Ow!
Marine: Here in America we don't tolerate that kind of crap, Sir!




 
jfktowerfan
Crew
Posts: 982
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 3:41 am

Homer: "Doughnuts.....is there anything they can't do?"

Homer: "MMMM....beer"

Ralph: "I ate the red berries, they taste like burning"

and a great site to go along with it
http://smacie.com/randomizer/simpsons/homer.html
C'mon Man
 
LPL
Posts: 1038
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 2:13 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 3:51 am

A Classic:

Homer: Hello. My Name is Mr Burns.

Bank Clerk: OK Mr Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: (pause)........I don't know
 
AC320
Posts: 2809
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 11:29 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 5:55 pm

Homer walks into his kitchen in the middle of the night, wearing only his underwear and grabs something from the fridge:

Homer: Mmmmmmmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch), 63 (munch).............

*hours later*

....2 (munch).....................1 (munch)........

Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?!

Homer: I think I'm blind.
fuddle duddle
 
Greg
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RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 11:06 pm

Ralph: "Me fail English? That's Unpossible."
 
Trent_800
Posts: 136
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2002 11:29 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 11:18 pm

Homer looking for a peanut under the sofa

Homer: (fumbling around under sofa finding a $20 bill) "Doh! twenty dollars but i wanted a peanut"
Homers Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts"
Homer: "Explain how"
Homers Brain: "money can be exchanged for goods and services"
Homer: "Woohoo!"
 
CPH-R
Posts: 6059
Joined: Thu May 03, 2001 5:19 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Mon Mar 03, 2003 11:36 pm

That reminds me of something from The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons

At the Kwik E-Mart. Apu is fast asleep on the counter desk, and Homer is
holding unpurchased Lotto tickets up against the light so he can cheat
and get a certain winner.

Homer: Loser.. Loser.. Loser.. $500! Apu! Wake up! I want to buy a yodel
and this lottery ticket. I have this much.
Apu: I am sorry but you do not have enough for both.
Homer: [groans, thinks] I'll take the yodel.

 Big thumbs up
 
LPL
Posts: 1038
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 2:13 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 2:28 am

On a Haloween Special:

(Walking into Ned's funeral)

Homer: Don't look too sad, it'll seem suspicious.


Here's two from the same episode, the Hulabolooza (spelling?) one.

Tour Manager: Homer, I am so concerned about the health of our freaks, that I'm sending you to a vet.

Curny: Hey, it's like his guitars talking!
Otto: Yeah. It looks my shoes are talking too!


Vet: With one more cannonball flying into you're stomach, you'll die!
Homer: Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?
Vet: Yeah. Take back you're dog! (he then points to 'Rover Hendrix'.)
 
desertjets
Posts: 7571
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2000 3:12 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 3:08 am

Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer go something something.

Marge: Go crazy...?

Homer: Don't mind if I do [Homer goes crazy].
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 3:37 am

Open face club sandwich
Go big or go home
 
kolobokman
Posts: 1112
Joined: Tue Oct 10, 2000 5:32 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 3:40 am

Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.
I can neither confirm, nor deny above post
 
N79969
Posts: 6605
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2002 1:43 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 3:43 am

"mmm...forbidden donut"
 
Soren-a
Posts: 223
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2001 10:13 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 4:12 am

Hi

Slightly off topic I know, but I haven't watched Simpsons for a few years, until I saw some episodes around Christmas and boy have things changed!!

Ned Flanders wife is not there any more - is she dead or did she leave Ned??

Barny is not drinking anymore - how the heck did that happen???

-----

Police chief Wiggum: "Eerrrhh you got the wrong number, this is 91........2"

Homer: "Oh Lisa you and your stories, Bart is a wampier, beer kills braincells. Now lets go back to that......buildingthingy.....where our beds and TV.....is"

Homer: "Alright brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, lets just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer"
Homers brain: "It's a deal!"

Homer: (reads from computer screen):"To start press any key"
"Where is the any key??"


Regards
Søren Augustesen
 
Guest

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 4:16 am

Lisa (calling out bingo numbers at the old folks' home): B-10!

Grandpa Simpson: You sank my battleship!
 
galaxy5
Posts: 1952
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2000 10:09 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 5:48 am

IRS Auditor: You won't see any prison movies where you're going....PRISON!
Homer: Ohhhh, please! I'll do anything!
(IRS auditor steps out and FBI agent steps in)
FBI Agent: Anything? Ok, well now you'll be working for us.
Homer: Ok. (motioning towards IRS Auditor) *whispering* but you'll have to pay me under the table...I have a little tax problem.



Homer: Why do you think we take you to church every Sunday? Don't you remember what the guy there said? You know, Captain what's-his-name?
"damn, I didnt know prince could Ball like that" - Charlie Murphy
 
LPL
Posts: 1038
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 2:13 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 6:14 am

Soren-a, Maude Flanders died in a 'terrible' NASCAR accident. God knows how.
 
ybacpa
Posts: 1080
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2001 5:39 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 8:04 am

Soren-a,
Maude was hit with a tee-shirt shot out of a cannon at a NASCAR race by "Fandemonium" cheerleaders.
SkyTeam: The alliance for third rate airlines finally getting their act together!
 
Soren-a
Posts: 223
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2001 10:13 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 6:01 pm

Ybacpa
"Maude was hit with a tee-shirt shot out of a cannon at a NASCAR race by "Fandemonium" cheerleaders."


Yes that sounds silly enough to happen on the Simpsons show  Nuts

Regards
Søren Augustesen
 
L-188
Posts: 29881
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 1999 11:27 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 6:10 pm

Remember the "Plow King" episode.

He is driving home from Moes and can't see out the windshield, then he slams into a car infront out of him.

"Well at least I got him as good as he got me."

Then he realizes he hit his other car, "DOOH!!"

Insurance Adjuster, "This Moe's, this is business of some sort"

Homer's Brain, "Don't tell him you where at a bar. Don't tell him you where at a bar....but what else is open at 12:30 at night"

Homer, "I was at a pornography store. I was buying pornography"

Homers brain, "HeheHe....I never would have thought of that."
OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
 
JamieD
Posts: 597
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2002 8:38 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 9:47 pm

Homer: "I wish somebody would call me "sir" without adding "you're making a scene" afterwards."
 
HOMER71
Posts: 2124
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 10:56 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 11:05 pm

Marge: "Your work called...they say if you don't show up tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday."

Homer: "Woohoo! Four-day weekend!"
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
HOMER71
Posts: 2124
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 10:56 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Tue Mar 04, 2003 11:08 pm

(Homer is the driver on a runaway monorail)

Marge (over the radio): "Homer! I got someone who can help."

Homer: "Is it Batman?"

Marge: "No, he's a scientist."

Homer: "Batman's a scientist?"
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
virgin744
Posts: 825
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 1999 5:51 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Wed Mar 05, 2003 5:03 am

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.

Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open-heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo.
Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?

Lisa: Dad, is it all right to take things from people you don't like?
Homer: Sure it is, honey. You *do* mean stealing, don't you?
Bart: Hey Homer, this house sucks!
Homer: Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy.

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.]
Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

 
BO__einG
Posts: 2646
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2000 5:20 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Wed Mar 05, 2003 9:40 am

Homer and Apu are in India climbing up that mountain to meet the ulrimate Head of the Kwiki Mart hindu guy with 4 legs.

Welcome, I will answer three quesitons that you may ask.
H: Are you really the head of the Kwiki Mart?
Hindu: Yes
H: Really?
Hindu: yes.
H: REALLY??
Hundi: yes.
Apu: We are looking for-
Hindu: Thank you come again
A: But I haven't..
Hindu: Thank you come again.
A: but-
Hindu: thank you come again.

Apu and Homer are out walking back down the mountain.
Homer: Pff, that was a waste... (To Apu) Is he REALLY the head of the Kwiki mart?
LOL
Apu now grr attacks him..


Heyy-HooHoo! Look! that kids got bosoms. Who's got a wet towel.
Hee! (Slaps towel while giggling and chasing Uter)
Come here you butterball.
Don't make me run I am full of chocolate.

Halloween special, Zombies invade the Simpsons.
Z "Braaiins, Brains!~"
H: Please spare my family. Take me Take me!
Zombies come up to homer and taps his head.. Then they push him away.
Z "GRRR No Brains, Brains! we want Brains!!!"
*later*
F "Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a little peckish, mind if I chew your ear?"
*Crack! body thuds..
B "Gasp! Dad you shot the zombie flanders."
H "He was a zombie?"

The part where Lisa had a crush on Nelson.
W: Now thats now Willy waters, now you take the hoose.
N: The Moose?
W: The HOOSE the HOOSE!
N: Is this right? (he sprays him)
W: Arghh!! Turn off the Noozle
N: Noodles? What Noodles?!
W: The Noozles at the end of the Hoose!!

20 seconds later.. "Uter Likes Milhouse"/ NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!

Bart and his FBI warrant for Milhouse:
I DID tip off the feds as to the wherabouts of our good friend Milhouse.
(Suspense music plays)
Mil: I 'm telling ya, I didn't do anything..
Agent: I don't care
Milhouse Gasps and leaps off the dam. (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Ouch my glasses..)

These are a few of my favorite quotes. As for scenes, my favorite is the part when Bart's 1 dollar warehouse collapses and hundreds no THOUSANDS of rats go storming into Moe's Tavern like the Great Plague.. "Alright everybody, Tuck your pants in your socks."
Follow @kimbo_snaps on Instagram or bokimon- on Flickr to see more pics of me and my travels.
 
Marcus
Posts: 1666
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2001 5:08 am

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Wed Mar 05, 2003 9:47 am

Krusty: Kids..........we are going to the happiest place on earth.........TIJUANA!!!!
Kids!....we are going to the happiest place on earth...TIJUANA! signed: Krusty the Clown
 
BartiniMan
Posts: 304
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 8:14 pm

RE: On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes

Wed Mar 05, 2003 4:13 pm

Lisa: Mum Dad, Bart and and Stampy are gone !!
Homer: huh? Bart too!?!
(waves fist at air) That wasnt part of the deal Blackheart, THAT WASNT PART !!!

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