Topic Author
Posts: 1079
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2001 8:39 am

Some Funnies To Start The Week

Tue Mar 11, 2003 7:56 am

Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner
to each other with sign language.

Mute One: "What would you like to do?"
Mute Two: "I don't know, what about you?"
Mute One: "Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space and have
some fun"
Mute Two: "Good idea."

So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a
ball when the guy
in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder.

Front Seat Mute: "What?"
Back Seat Mute: "Have you got any protection?"
Front Seat Mute: "No. Have you?"
Back Seat Mute: "No. We'd better go to a chemist and get some."

They drive to a chemist and the man in the back seat get outs and goes
inside. In two minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window.

Inside Mute: "What?"
Outside Mute: "I can't make the chemist understand what I want."
Inside Mute: "I know what to do."
Outside Mute: "What?"
Inside Mute: "Go back inside. Put £5 on the counter and put your pecker on
the counter. He'll know what you want."
Outside Mute: "Good idea."

The man goes back into the chemists and two minutes later he's back at the
car window.

Inside Mute: "Well?"
Outside Mute: " It didn't work"
Inside Mute: "What do you mean?"
Outside Mute: "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put £5 on the
counter and I put my pecker on the counter. Then he put his on the counter.
It was bigger than mine so he took my £5."

The Following is a joke (this rider to ensure enthusiastic moderators do not remove it under rule 15)

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only
erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on
disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises the strips on ALL of
your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's
you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 0898 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.


It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and Your Nair with Regaine, all the
while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their
hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files,
changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating
undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from
your mattresses and pillows, It will also refill your skimmed milk with
whole milk.


And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so
hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you,
sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send to everyone.


Posts: 2780
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2001 7:47 am

RE: Some Funnies To Start The Week

Tue Mar 11, 2003 3:58 pm

Too late - I've already cracked my knee on the underside of my desk.
You forgot to mention that this virus will also eat your stash  Laugh out loud

Nevermind political correctness - Envision using your turn signals!

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