As Hopalong plays Top Gun off the coast of California in the most blatant propaganda photo op since the notorious glare at the Eifel Tower by a certain Viennese paper hanger.........
......thousands of square miles of empty, quiet frontier along the US borders with Canada and Mexico remain unpatrolled through bureaucracy and lack of funding.
The snow is melting out there too. Pretty much gone by now in those empty stretches of woods along the Maine/Quebec border. Two, three guys would be all it took. Maybe they flew into Montreal, and, though scrutinized carefully and checked via computer for their place on 'stop' lists, the customs agents failed to bother inspecting the shaving cream can close enough. Wouldn't have noticed that the lumpy stuff in the false bottom couldn't be Gillette Foamy.
Rented a car, drove south and east. Left the suburbs behind and ended up on the quaint country roads of that sliver of Quebec south of the Saint Lawrence, north of Vermont & New Hampshire. Ditching the car wasn't easy, but they found a spot and spent a few hours covering it so it couldn't be seen by air.
Then the long hike into the wilderness. Flat, marshy pine forests mostly. Probably the biggest challenge of the whole proceedure, but also the least dangerous because.....well, because, thanks to President Tailhook, we're far too concerned with the security of places called Najaf and Kirkut, 8,000 miles away. No M1A1's up there in Maine tonight. No Apaches, no Blackhawks. Just moose.
The going is slow, but the maps...you know, the Gazetteer kind, in the red books, hyperdetailed, conveniently equipped with GPS ready lats and longs, and available at most Walgreens....make the destination guaranteed. He's waiting for them...they picked the most Hispanic looking of the lot, in fact even taught him some Spanish to go along with his drivers license...Carlos Martinez, hometown, Bridgeport, Connecticut (centrally located, heavy minority population, right off Interstate 95, which makes it easier to explain the travel).
They gave "Carlos" explicit instructions...no facial hair. Buy the brand name sneakers. Maybe get a tattoo. A gold crucifix on a chain would be a nice touch, the gullable Americans never question another one of their fellow infidel 'believers'. Of course Allah won't mind, for He knows your True Heart.
"Carlos" meets up with them out on a lonely logging road with an inconspicuous truck or van, the first of many they'll use. They hook up, hug, Praise Allah, and off they go. The first roads will be perilous, in a rural area where the wrong faces require roadstops.
But they hold their breath, stay low in the back. Once they're on even a two lane highway, they're safer...once they hit 95, where it starts near Bangor, they're home free. Set the cruise at 4 over, even when you see a cop. No one bugs ya.
3 hours to Portland. 5 to Boston. About 8 to Manhattan. 10 or so to Philly.
13 or 14 to Washington. The precious powder in the shaving cream can is enough to kill a million people if dispersed correctly. At least that's what the former Soviet bioweapons scientist they bought it from said. Kinda far fetched, they agree, but then again they don't need a million. 1/100th of that number will have the same effect.
Wonder where Karl Rove will have the photo op President the day they arrive?