MxCtrlr
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Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Thu May 08, 2003 10:19 pm

For those who know and have read Dave Barry (a humor columnist for the Miami Herald http://www.herald.com, here are 19 life lessons he has learned:

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

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tbar220
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:47 am

That's really cool, I like it  Smile

Is this the same guy that does the bathroom reading?
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MD-90
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 8:29 am

Now that is good humor.
 
LHMark
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 9:30 am

Dave Barry is my favorite writer. In my writing career, he's my idol and my unknowing mentor. Get his books in the 'humor' section of any bookstore.
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 10:25 am

His first book was turned into a movie starring Tim Allen, Rene Russo and Dennis Farina, called "Big Trouble". I laughed my ass off at that movie...

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 1:34 pm

That was a good movie....

Too bad it didn't do that well at the box office.

Correct me if I am wrong but that is one of the flicks that had it's release date held up because of 9/11

The other really big one was Collateral Damage with Arnold.
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 1:55 pm

I think it was delayed for 9/11 but it was funny as hell. I love Dennis Farina's work and his role in Big Trouble was funny!  Big thumbs up

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:06 pm

Dennis Farina, He does a Miami Mobster very well, Remember him in Got Shorty?

Same character type.

Don't you just hate those automatic seat belts.

My brother thinks it is helarious but he owns a GEO.
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:10 pm

There was so much about that movie that I liked, it has to rank among the best I've seen. The scene between Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Tim Allen's office was great! The scene with Dennis Farina and his partner in the car outside of the seedy bar talking about Gator fans was classic. I could go on and on about that movie!

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:12 pm

Hey, you guys got room for a third  Laugh out loud


No harm in asking  Laugh out loud
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:16 pm

That and the scene with Dennis Farina and that fat slob at Joe's Stone Crabs with their cigars! GREAT stuff!

Or how about - "Hope the don't have a dog." "They've got a dog!"  Smile

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 2:46 pm

Was that a goat?



 Laugh out loud



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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 4:56 pm

How about...

"We play golf with someone who cheats."  Smile

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 4:59 pm

"Well Miami sucks, but the cops are kinda nice


Classic scene  Laugh out loud
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 5:41 pm

STRIP SEARCH!

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 6:32 pm

"Your not supposed to have a gun on duty!"

"I ain't supposed to be drinking on duty either"
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 10:01 pm

Let's reconoiter back here at 2100 hours. Ten o'clock!  Smile

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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Fri May 09, 2003 10:01 pm

Let's reconoiter back here at 2100 hours. Ten o'clock!  Smile

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LHMark
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Sat May 10, 2003 6:37 am

(sings, under his breath) "I can feel it coooomin' in the air tonight, oh lord.."

Anyone read Big Trouble the book?
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MxCtrlr
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Sat May 10, 2003 6:42 am

Anyone read Big Trouble the book?

No. Was it as funny as the movie? Sometimes Dave Barry comes across as stupid in his columns but Big Trouble was one funny movie.

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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Sun May 11, 2003 8:17 pm

Frankly I would be a little afraid to read the book now that I have seen the movie.

That is how "Enemy at the Gates" was ruined for me.
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LHMark
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RE: Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)

Mon May 12, 2003 6:54 pm

Good point. The book TOTALLY excluded the "Stalingrad Erotica" that made Enemy at the Gates great.
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