On the subject of Rugby, I came across this:
IRB Rugby World Cup 2003
Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being motivated
by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to
suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to the
A. The England team will chat about the weather and where they are going
on holiday after the tournament, wave hankies in the air and
attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the
game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can
beat them now. Failing that they will see what the Americans are doing and join
B. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing
an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
C. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing
a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their
dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
D. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion
following representations from the RSPCA.
E. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory,
claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by
the England team.
F. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important
than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim
the rest of the pitch for themselves.
G. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years
they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most
important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called
'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
H. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of
the team to ransom.
I. The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually
harass the female stewards and then run away.
J. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then
claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They will then
curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when their appeal
for compensation against the UK Government will be heard.
K. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good
salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground
(with a subsidy from the UK Government).
L. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight
of Wales!) and burn the officials. However the French may not attend the
World Cup at all as it involves the deployment of Frenchmen for violent
physical activity in another part of the world.
M. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing
contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come
and live with them in Shepherds Bush.