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Ban Pickles Now!

Sun Jul 13, 2003 8:47 pm

Look at the Pickle that the pickle people have put you in!

Pickles will kill you. Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death. Amazingly, the thinking man has failed to grasp the significance of the term "in a pickle". Although leading horticulturists have long said that Cucamis Sativus possesses Indehiscent Pepto, the pickle industry continues to expand.

Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds wars and Communism. They can be related to most airline tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles. There exists a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the curcubit family. For example:

Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles; therefore, the effects are obviously cumulative.
Of all the people who die from cancer, 99% have eaten pickles.
100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles; therefore, pickles must be related to wars.
98.8% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
99.7% of all the people involved in the air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the tragedy.
93.1% of all juvenile delinquents come from homes where pickles are served frequently.
Evidence points to some startling long term effects of pickle eating:

Of all the people born in 1865 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

All pickle eaters born between 1890 and 1900 have wrinkled skin, brittle bones, have lost most of their teeth and are afflicted by failing eyesight... if the ills that come from eating pickles have not already resulted in their death.

Even more convincing is the report from a noted team of medical specialists. They found that rats which were force-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day developed bulging abdomens. It was further noted that the rat's appetites for wholesome food was completely destroyed.

Guys, we know that cigarettes can kill, the same is true for pickles. We need to ban pickles now for our health and the health of our kids. We did it with cigarettes, we can do it with this bastard stepchild of the Cucumber!
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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Sun Jul 13, 2003 9:24 pm

I do know that a study carried out in China showed that people who ate too many Pickles were prone to developing throat cancer, in South Asia there's a theory that Pickles or anything sour can emasculate Men.
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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Mon Jul 14, 2003 4:52 am

Uhm...let's not leave those people with a sour note.

Pun optional...

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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Mon Jul 14, 2003 5:00 am

in South Asia there's a theory that Pickles or anything sour can emasculate Men.

Obviously false. Indians are known for their love of pickle, and it didn't stop us from being a billion strong Big grin
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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Mon Jul 14, 2003 5:44 am

Yes, quite a weird theory, I guess it has something to do with women craving sour stuff during pregnency, they say if men have sour stuff your penis stops developing and you develop breasts, I think it applies mainly to boys so they dont eat the stuff while growing up or perhaps a good way to prevent sore throats in kids, any ways my friend used to gorge on all kinds of sour things as a kid and hes flat chested, totally normal, and happily married with kids.
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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Tue Jul 15, 2003 12:06 am

I agree with BarfBag...If you've ever been to India, it is QUITE obvious that there is little to deter the population growth. If pickles were all it took, the government would be handing them out by the bushel-load! Maybe pickles are the answer. If the Indian government can get Indian women to keep a pickle between their legs, THAT would slow the population growth down significantly!  Laugh out loud

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RE: Ban Pickles Now!

Wed Jul 16, 2003 2:46 pm

L-188, what have you got against pickles. Don't you like them, they're good! Nuts
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