Topic Author
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Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 10:33 am

Arguments happen in any relationship. But how much is too much?

How often do you think an argument occurs in a healthy relationship?

At what frequency of arguments do you think the relationship is in jeopardy?

Phil Derner Jr.
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 10:42 am

I think it varies between relationships. It depends on the personalities, and other stipulations in the relationship.
Go big or go home
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 1:37 pm

Focus not so much on the number of fights, but how they are handled, and if good communication is occurring. Fights are bound to happen in all relationships, but are constructive or destructive depending on whether the individuals fight fairly.
Active loading only, ma'am, keep it moving!
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 2:15 pm

If you end up on the counch night after night, run!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Oh, and take the advice from above.
"...cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home."
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 3:59 pm

And it depends on what the fights are about. If one person keeps fighting with the other over the same issue(s) time and again, move on!

You say Merry Christmas, I say All Holidays Matter
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:05 pm

I break up with a girl if she argues with me once a day. Usually she'll want to get back together in a few days, at which point the frequency of arguments goes down by at least 75%, at least for a while. Repeat the breakups as required until she loses the habit. If she doesn't try to get back in touch after the first split, no big loss.
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 5:54 pm

Its not about how many arguments you have... it's how you resolve them.

Being mature about it is important.

(a good making-up shag is always nice too..)
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:00 pm

My former fiancee used to argue like clockwork; one hour per day.

She was quite a talented arguer too - at the end of the hour she'd say something like "If we can't resolve this, then there's no point in us living together". This worked very well for her, because I was young, gullible, and in love; and she usually started arguments like "If you loved me, you'd pay all my bills" or "Why do you need friends of your own? Aren't my friends good enough for you?".

Incredibly, she found one of my friends was even more susceptible, and had even more money. I'm sure they're very happy together. Haven't spoken to them for a couple of years.

Arguments are inevitable. Therefore, you need to accept it and find somebody who argues well - IE they don't just try to score points, they don't start slanging matches, they can back down if they're wrong, they can give you an easy exit if you're wrong, &c &c.
Cunning linguist
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:29 pm

Actually, I've been in my current relationship for almost three years, and we very rarely if ever have arguments. I guess it depends on how an argument is defined (ie. raising your voice at one another?).

So I think arguments are avoidable in a relationship, but you have to be careful that it is not at the expense of communication, in other words, try not to avoid issues which need raising just to avoid an argument.

If you respect each other, and are willing to listen to each other, arguing shouldn't be neccessary.

Topic Author
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:34 pm

Wow Bob, I hear ya. I can't stnad any sentence that begins with "If you loved me....."
There's a word for women like that. C U Next Tuesday!!!!

KAUS, I was in an "on and off" relationship once, and I can tell you that is not stable and not the kind of thing I want to be in. It's a waste of time and affects the relationship in the long run. I've never seen an on and off relationshipwith people breaking up and getting back together over and over work.

If she talks back, punch her square in her fucking nose. Don't let no women say a- Ok, I'm kidding, sorry. lol

Yeah, the method of arguing is important. If she lowers it to insulting and personal attacks and a lot of "I didn't mean to say what I siad earlier"'s, then it's not going to work.

Maturity, fact and logic are what I go by.

Phil Derner Jr.
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 9:00 pm

I've been married over two years now and you can count the number of real arguments on one hand. These were mainly annoyance things not real fights. It's all about personalities. In my single days, I had serious relationships with laid back women and very outgoing one's. The outgoing girls were fun and exciting to be with but they tended to be overly dramatic and it caused lots of fighting. It was draining. They mostly ended in a ball of flames. I married a more laid back "normal" person and she's awesome. Not the life of the party but when it comes to a marriage we're both very rational and we can deal with the daily occurrences with out having screaming matches.
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lindy field
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 9:03 pm

Occasional arguments are fine. The question for you is - does this relationship still make you happy?
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Fri Jul 18, 2003 10:52 pm

Discussions? Yes.
Debate? Yes.
Arguments? Hit the highway.
I spend most my days arguing in court or with opposing counsel---no room in my life to have it spill over into a relationship--that's not what their about.

RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Sat Jul 19, 2003 4:03 am

GOD DAMMIT! I knew I would crack...I wasn't going to post on here...but I do have something to say...

A relationship shouldn't be on a "point" or number system...meaning...

"Gee, we got into X-number of fights...I think we should call it quits."

A relationship is based on love and passion people have for one another. Of course some arguements can get pety and stupid...but the bottom line is how the two people involved feel about one another. You have the best of times AND the worst of times. My parents have fought a lot throughout their marriage and while it hurt to see and hear that...I saw a lot of the best memories they have had together too. They have been married for 30 years and they are the BEST example to me of what LOVE is. It isn't always a walk in the park and things don't always turn up rosy...But bottom line..if you have a connection with work things out...

Again...someone mentioned this...COMMUNICATION is key...the two people need to talk when things get rough and REALLY listen to one another. If you put it off or ignore the problem...IT ONLY MAKES SENSE...that the situation will get worse...and in that bring it upon yourself.

I know that when I have fought in relationships of my past...I only got really heated because of what I felt for that person. I mean, Do you think I would actually waste my breath for someone I knew wasn't worth the time or energy? NO.

I am a very old fashioned girl and I guess I believe in following your heart and what it tells you. If you feel it...fight for it. Cause it SHOULD be that important when love is involved.

Topic Author
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RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Sat Jul 19, 2003 4:44 am

Sometimes people argue jsut because one or both parties are going through a tough time. That needs to be taken into account also.

Or if you are ab out to hang out with your mate, and before you meet him/her or when you first lay your eyes on him/her, and your first thought is something negative pertaining to a fight or you feel angry already for no particular relevent reason at that time, you probably dont like that person at all, and it would be time to reevaluate.

Or maybe you're gay.
Phil Derner Jr.

RE: Fighting In A Relationship

Sat Jul 19, 2003 4:58 am

Yeah...I went out with this Gay Guy once...

He kept trying to cover it up by saying how Happy he was all the time...

But I just didn't buy it.

God that was lame. LOL

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