gkirk
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Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:51 pm

Ok, seeing as we havent had one of these for a long time, and seeing as it is starting to break out in several other threads (eg the Happy St George's Day thread - one of my best prankes yet  Big grin ), I thought we may as well try and contain this rivalry into this one thread.
So I'll start...
Good things about Scotland
Its not England  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Our football fans dont riot (as much as the English)  Big grin
Good Whisky
Good lagers/beers etc
Rangers Vs Celtic
Nice women
Irn Bru  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up
Golf
Crap cricket team

Bad things about Scotland
Bigotry in football
Football teams cant get promoted from the 1st Division to the SPL unless their stadiums have 10000 seats  Angry
Not enough sun
Too close to England

Good things about England
Err.....dunno  Big grin
Rioting football fans make England look bad  Big thumbs up
Some decent lagers
Emmerdale  Big grin

Bad things about England
Lots of English people live there
Banco lives there
Arrogant media
Big Brother
Coronation Street
Eastenders
etc etc The list is too long  Big grin

Last time England played Scotland at football, Scotland won 1-0 at Wembley  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up In yer face Banco  Big grin

When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:58 pm

The last time before that Scotland beat England at anything was Bannockburn 1314 wasn't it? Oh, and you were led by by a Frenchman that day. Big grin

The very worst thing about Scotland is that thanks to an evil sense of humour possessed by the gods, the bastards decided to attach it to England. I can only suppose that they thought it had to go somewhere, and therefore placing a buffer between the sweaties and the rest of the world was the kindest solution they could come up with.

She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:06 pm

Banco, it was England that was attached to Scotland, so we are agreed in calling the gods, bastards.
Oh, and I forgot something...
Any German who interferes in this thread will be subject to abuse from people of the UK - the only time when Scots and Englishmen will unite in order to rid the world of those mullet loving, football cheating crooks

 Big grin
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
artsyman
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:08 pm

The last time before that Scotland beat England at anything was Bannockburn 1314 wasn't it?
****

While there were plenty of times when we laughed in the face of the oppressors, I like the one below...

 
JGPH1A
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:09 pm

Speaking as a citizen of the world, travelling under a British flag of convenience...

Scotland
- Populated by barbarous grunting Picts with incomprehensible accents and vile taste in offal-based foods
- Culturally hijacked by the shortbread-tin industry, becoming a theme-park of itself.
- a province with delusions of nationhood. Rabbi Burrens and the deep-fried Mars Bar do not constitute a seperate cultural identity.

England
- Populated by shaven-headed vest-wearing lager louts who list "drinking" as a hobby.
- Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".
- Inordinately proud of an empire that now largely consists of tax-free banking establishments and penguins.
- Has - BY FAR - the worst television and print media IN THE WORLD !

hubble bubble toil and trouble... (stirs madly !)  Laugh out loud

[Edited 2004-06-03 14:27:37]
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
artsyman
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:15 pm

Culturally hijacked by the shortbread-tin industry,
*****

Low blow.... definately below the belt...
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:17 pm

who list "drinking" as a hobby
We list it as a career  Big thumbs up  Big thumbs up  Laugh out loud
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
artsyman
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:23 pm

We list it as a career
***

You wont find me lying in a doorway in Possil Park with sick down the side of my jacket...

J
 
jcs17
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:43 pm

My ex-girlfriend is Scottish (she lived there until she was 12 and goes back every summer). By the way she described it, it sounds like rural Mississippi with a messed up accent. She claims most people there are either high, drunk, weird, or ass-holes. I have absolutely no desire to visit Scotland anymore. That being said, she didn't help my opinion of the Scottish by being a total whore once we broke up.
America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
 
Klaus
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JGPH1A

Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:49 pm

JGPH1A, good points!  Big thumbs up

GKirk: Don´t you have a bathtub to flood, somewhere?  Wink/being sarcastic
I´m so scared of your feeble insults!  Insane

One thing for Scotland: They haven´t let the italians (then called "romans") invade, occupy and almost civilize them like the english did... Although it´s difficult to discern if that´s actually a point in favour of scotland, thinking about it... Big grin
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:03 pm

Klaus you lover of mullets and stamp collecting. Have you not been hit by a train yet?  Laugh out loud
Yes we laughed when England got invaded by the Romans  Big grin

You wont find me lying in a doorway in Possil Park with sick down the side of my jacket...
Parkhead instead then Artsyman?  Laugh out loud
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
Klaus
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GKirk

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:14 pm

GKirk: Klaus you lover of mullets and stamp collecting. Have you not been hit by a train yet?

I scoff at your inane insinuations; Apparently, scrapie-infested haggis has already done its damage on you...  Big grin
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:17 pm

JGPH1A, let me analyse that little list:

Populated by shaven-headed vest-wearing lager louts who list "drinking" as a hobby.

Hobby? HOBBY? How dare you! It has taken hundreds of years for us to reach the professional standard we now attain. And you dismiss it it as a hobby! Dear me.

Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".

Er. Yes. And?  Big grin

Inordinately proud of an empire that now largely consists of tax-free banking establishments and penguins.

Don't diss the penguins. They're evil. You've been warned.

Has - BY FAR - the worst television and print media IN THE WORLD !

You've been watching Channel 5 again, haven't you? Big grin

The trouble with the Scots is that the Romans did invade Scotland. However, pre-dating the English by 1000 years and more, they gave it up as a bad job. Any society that can reach the heights of modern civilisation and then contribute a deep fried Mars Bar is clearly beyond help.
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:20 pm

Klaus, since Germans are merely a sort of English people that were too pathetically scared to travel, I don't think you're in any position to criticise.

This is evidenced by the ludicrous sunbed stealing in the morning, whereby the idea that you might have to move more than an inch or two in any one direction fills you with dread.
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Klaus
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Banco

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:36 pm

Banco: Klaus, since Germans are merely a sort of English people that were too pathetically scared to travel, I don't think you're in any position to criticise.

Ouch. Tactical mistake. You´ve just given up your position of painting the english as intrinsically superior to any continentals. Duly noted. Big grin

Besides, your claim is somewhat countered by any travel statistic in the known universe...  Wink/being sarcastic

And no, we don´t share your obsession with sunbeds; It´s just fun watching you to get all paranoid and panicking about them...  Big thumbs up
 
Gman94
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:42 pm

Bad things about Scotland:
Its not England
How everyone says how great Scottish fans are for being plucky losers
No organised football league Big grin
How everybody thinks their either British or Irish one minute and then their Scottish the next
Men in skirts

Last time England played Scotland at football, Scotland won 1-0 at Wembley

That pretty much sums Scotland up winning a battle but losing the war.  Laugh out loud

Good things about Scotland:
Sorry can't think off anything

Good things about England:
Its not Scotland (or Wales) (sorry couldn't resist that)
Real football, with real derbies (Arsenal v Spurs, Manchester South v Manchester North, Liverpool v Everton etc)

Bad things about England:
Chavscum

Anyway you Scots can't feel oppressed anymore, your the ones that are ruling us know just look at the government.


British Airways - The Way To Fly
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Thu Jun 03, 2004 10:48 pm

Ouch. Tactical mistake. You´ve just given up your position of painting the english as intrinsically superior to any continentals. Duly noted

Intrinsically superior? No, I leave that to the likes of Nietzche to try to justify. We don't claim to be superior to anyone - except of course the Germans, who had the same opportunities but spurned them. Look at the development of humour over the centuries; here we have millions of natural born comics, there you have um, well, you know, thingymajig, um, wotsisface, um, oh yes - no-one.
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Klaus
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Banco

Thu Jun 03, 2004 11:40 pm

Well, okay; While we´re still trying to do serious business, Britain is working at being Europe´s laughing stock... Fair enough. Big grin
 
LGW
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 1:34 am

"Any German who interferes in this thread will be subject to abuse from people of the UK - the only time when Scots and Englishmen will unite in order to rid the world of those mullet loving, football cheating crooks"

ROFL Big thumbs up

Ben Pritchard

 
JGPH1A
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:11 am

Re: Don't diss the penguins. They're evil. You've been warned.

Yes - I saw "The Wrong Trousers", and am convinced there is a heinous penguin plot to take over the world - just look at those beady little eyes shudders

Re: Inflict themselves on the pleasanter environs of Southern Europe for 2 weeks of the year, burn themselves crispy red, and call that "travel".

Er. Yes. And?


Please can you not... travel that is.
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:39 am

And that coming from someone in the Southern Territories of France?  Big grin
Damn you frogs...  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
JGPH1A
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:46 am

Exactly - follow the French example, go on holiday in your own country ! (Although to be honest, I could do without the 10000000000000 Parisians knocking about here all summer hogging all the parking and pushing prices through the roof - Northern poofs  Smile/happy/getting dizzy )
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:30 am

Don't be silly. We can't possibly go on holiday in our own country. If we did then we'd actually have to pay for all the damage.

Honestly, some people.  Insane  Big grin
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Klaus
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Banco

Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:39 am

Where do you think do your net contributions to the EU budget go, Banco? Big grin
 
JGPH1A
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:47 pm

Hehe - I think you could categorize 3 millions Brits descending on Mallorca every summer as a natural disaster - kind of like a plague of locusts but focussed on sausage eggs chips and beans and Watneys Pale Ale !
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:59 pm

Yes, but you're missing the advantages, JGPH1A; I mean, these hundreds of thousands of people all descend on the same places year after year. Now, that means that the rest of us know exactly where they are, and thus can plan accordingly to avoid them! It's brilliant.  Big grin

All these poor Europeans travel around the world and have a fair chance of running into their own great unwashed, whereas as we clever English people confine them to a few small places leaving the rest of the world virtually untouched so that all of us can enjoy it.

Quite frankly, everyone should be thanking us. No-one else behaves with such consideration towards the rest of the world.  Big grin
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 9:02 pm

It doesnt help that the only place that English people can afford to go to is Ibiza  Wink/being sarcastic
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
JGPH1A
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 9:07 pm

Good point, but Spain/Portugal/Greece kind of get it in the shorts, don't they ? And the rest of us STILL trip over herds of pasty English yoofs on their "year out" (for which read pre-university alcoholism training), weighed down by a 75kg backpack, clutching their Lonely Planet that promised them that this particular Andean village had an Irish pub in it and complaining about how nobody speaks English. Clearly these strays need to be rounded up and herded back to Ibeefa/Ayer Napper ASAP ! Tsk tsk...  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 10:47 pm

True, but Spain, Greece and Portugal know that they are making a vital contribution to world prosperity by keeping these people away from everyone else. A selfless act, I'm sure you will agree, and one to earn the respect and admiration of the world.  Big grin

As for the backpackers, well they do have the opportunity to meet those from around the world and learn from them how to comport themselves in foreign climes. For example, whilst they do indeed manage to escape from the compounds especially created for them in southern Europe, they can meet those of a more sophisticated nature, such as the thousands of Australian backpackers who grace the same establishments. Ah. Bugger. Yes, I see your point. Big grin
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Scotty
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 11:04 pm

I love Banco, Klaus and Kirkie.

Now how's that pratt Henman getting on Banco?

 Wink/being sarcastic
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 11:07 pm

He's doing about as well as he could possibly expect to!

In other words, it's raining. Big grin
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Scotty
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 11:10 pm

Ah well - better than usual then eh?
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 11:16 pm

They've started now. Henman's 1-1 in games in the first set. I suspect that's as good as it'll get for him too.

Another sporting item to warm the cockles of your heart is that New Zealand are spanking the England bowlers around Headingly.  Insane
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Fri Jun 04, 2004 11:49 pm

Bugger me!

Henman's won the first set!

Is it possible that one of the most unlikely occurrences since the Scots were accidentally classified as humanoid is about to occur?  Wow!
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Scotty
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:42 am

What - you are going to get buggered???

 Wow!
 
Banco
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:46 am

Not any more, he's lost the second and looks like he's going to lose the third.

Narrow escape there.  Big grin
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
Scotty
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:50 am

Phew. A close shave!! Never mind, I'm certain he'll make an arse of it! LoL
 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:57 am

I think anyone that plays tennis automatically makes an arse of themselves  Big grin
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
qantas744
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Sun Jun 06, 2004 4:05 pm

Bad things about Scotland:

Their currency is worthless as evidenced by the fact that they still use pound notes.

Pre-empted the Ali G phenomenon by a number of years.....




No better than the English when it comes to foreign excursions, at least when outside of the traditional enclosures of the Greek Islands, Corfu, Ibiza, Magaluf etc they wear football shirts (either Rangers or Celtic since there are only two teams in Scotland) so that they can be easily avoided/identified by witnesses Smile/happy/getting dizzy




Good things about Scotland:

They know how to confuse the English, give them a Scottish £1 note and tell them to spend it anywhere south of Carlilse or Newcastle.

Always good to remember McAllister's missed penalty followed 90 seconds later by that goal by the boy Gascoigne.






Matt



you can't buy time but you can sell your soul and the closest thing to heaven is to rock'n'roll
 
Scotty
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Tue Jun 08, 2004 6:09 am

Well I'm glad that's all over.

Isn't it??

 
gkirk
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RE: Scotland Vs England: The Ultimate Thread

Tue Jun 08, 2004 8:02 am

Rab C Nesbitt is a legend man, dont disrepect him  Big grin ...
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!

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