Derico
Topic Author
Posts: 4206
Joined: Mon Dec 20, 1999 9:14 am

If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:59 am

No grrrly-men here...

"WHAT YOU GET WITH..."

One Frenchman: a bottle of champagne
Two Frenchmen: a couple in love
Three Frenchmen: an orgy

One German: a mug of beer
Two Germans: an army
Three Germans: a world war

One Englishman: a bottle of whisky
Two Englishmen: a football club
Three Englishmen: a drunken street riot

One Russian: a bottle of vodka
Two Russians: a political party
Three Russians: a messed up revolution

One American: a bottle of bourbon
Two Americans: a corporation
Three Americans: an war mongering invasion force

One Swede: a friendly skal to you
Two Swedes: an adult film
Three Swedes: Clowns claiming to play rock

One Brazilian: a caipirihna
Two Brazilians: a football team
Three Brazilians: a gay pride parade

One Saudi: a prince
Two Saudis: an oil cartel
Three Saudis: the last thing you might ever see

One Mexican: a bottle of tequila
Two Mexicans: 1/2 a mariachi
Three Mexicans: border patrol target practice

One Spaniard: a bottle of sherry
Two Spaniards: two brave bullfighters
Three Spaniards: idiots chased by bulls

One Japanese: a bottle of sake
Two Japanese: a factory
Three Japanese: an annoying as hell picture-taking tourist mob

One Chinese: a cup of rich tea
Two Chinese: a delivery take-out
Three Chinese: a cat's worst nightmare

One Colombian: a delicious cup of coffee
Two Colombians: a fierce guerilla
Three Colombians: drug dealers never work in threes

One Swiss: a diplomat
Two Swiss: a bank
Three Swiss: the most boring party ever

One Italian: a bottle of wine
Two Italians: a fashion show
Three Italians: an offer you can't refuse

One Canadian: a friendly smile
Two Canadians: a hockey team
Three Canadians: the canadian military

There's more of these, but I'm off to watch football now...

My internet was not shut down, the internet has shut me down
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 4:16 am

ROFLMAO!!  Big thumbs up Where did you find those?  Laugh out loud
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
Zweed
Posts: 435
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 8:31 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 4:18 am

Good one!

wonder when the first post will come claiming this is racial and disgusting.
 
Klaus
Posts: 20578
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2001 7:41 am

Derico

Mon Jul 26, 2004 5:15 am

Derico: One German: a mug of beer
Two Germans: an army
Three Germans: a world war


Now, now... 50 years, 80 millions of us and still no new world war... It doesn´t seem to work that way any more...  Wink/being sarcastic

How about this version:

One German: a mug of beer
Two Germans: an autobahn speed duel
Three Germans: a peace demonstration / strike for a third month of vacation
 
Mir
Posts: 19092
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:55 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:18 am

strike for a third month of vacation

I thought that was the French...
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
aviationmaster
Posts: 2151
Joined: Thu Oct 28, 1999 3:47 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:25 am

"One Swiss: a diplomat
Two Swiss: a bank
Three Swiss: the most boring party ever"

LOL!!! How true  Big grin Big thumbs up
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:26 am

"I thought that was the French..."

Never heard of Franco-German friendship?  Big grin
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
Klaus
Posts: 20578
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2001 7:41 am

Mir

Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:28 am

Mir: I thought that was the French...

Okay, recently the german unions have retreated a bit in this particular struggle; But worker vacations are still outrageously long when viewed from other countries...  Wink/being sarcastic

Doesn´t matter for me; I´m self-employed. (I sometimes hate my boss!  Nuts)
 
JUANR
Posts: 837
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2000 12:37 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 7:43 am

One Argentinian: a penalty kick missed.
Two Argentinians: two penatly kicks missed.
Three Argentinians: a party of "We-don´t-know-how-to-lose".

At least this time they did not have the apology of "we've always won, we did not know that runner ups had prizes too"

Juan
SKBO
Bogotá: 2600 Metros Más Cerca De Las Estrellas; Vamos por los XVII Juegos Nacionales!!!!!!!!!
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:54 pm

I'll agree about the French/German strike thing...

One Frenchman: a bottle of champagne
Two Frenchmen: a couple in love
Three Frenchmen: a blockade of Calais

I got a couple more

One Belgian: a waffle stand
Two Belgians: a frites bar
Three Belgians: a camp site

One Dutchman: a bicycle
Two Dutchmen: a caravan
Three Dutchmen: a 50km tailback on the autobahn

One Australian: the Australian vegatarian movement
Two Australians: bar fight
Three Australians : bar staff


Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
luisca
Posts: 1530
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2001 11:37 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:14 am

LOL Juanr

I cant believe the were fighting because the referee "Took to long to Blow the wisthle, therefore causing Argentina to loose." They were sayin this on Fox Sports today. (commentators are argentinian)

Saludos
If it ain't Boeing (or Embraer ;-)) I ain't Going!
 
sulman
Posts: 1963
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:09 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:22 am

"Okay, recently the german unions have retreated a bit in this particular struggle; But worker vacations are still outrageously long when viewed from other countries..."

Yet Germany remains one of the most productive countries in Europe. I'd suggest Germany is doing something right, and the rest of us are getting it wrong.
It takes a big man to admit they are wrong, and I am not a big man.
 
Klaus
Posts: 20578
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2001 7:41 am

Sulman

Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:41 am

Sulman: Yet Germany remains one of the most productive countries in Europe. I'd suggest Germany is doing something right, and the rest of us are getting it wrong.

Funny, isn´t it?  Wink/being sarcastic
 
luisca
Posts: 1530
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2001 11:37 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:02 am

Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that a study in france Proved that productivity had gone down in france in the last decade as a result of less work time.
If it ain't Boeing (or Embraer ;-)) I ain't Going!
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:12 am

Productivity and France are two words that cannot be juxtaposed in the same sentence. Possible the productivity index in France dropped from 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000002 to 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001, but the difference I assure you is imperceptible.
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
User avatar
EA CO AS
Posts: 13399
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2001 8:54 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 2:59 am

Hey, I can laugh at myself - so here's my proposed change:

One American: a bottle of Budweiser
Two Americans: a lawsuit over something trivial
Three Americans: a love triangle on The Jerry Springer Show
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan

Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group
 
SlamClick
Posts: 9576
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:09 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:27 am

One aDotNetter an ill-considered thread.
Two aDotNetters a flame war.
Three aDotNetters still all virgins.


Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
 
JBirdAV8r
Posts: 3454
Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2001 4:44 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:40 am

Not bad at all! I'll edit the last line of yours though...

One American: a bottle of bourbon
Two Americans: a corporation
Three Americans: a Weight Watchers convention
I got my head checked--by a jumbo jet
 
SA006
Posts: 1818
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:28 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:52 am

Any South African ones then?

Rgds  Wink/being sarcastic
SA006
Proudly South African
 
MYT332
Posts: 7283
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2003 7:31 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:59 am

One South African: A white farmer
Two South Africans: A white farmer and an angry black man
Three South Africans: Dead white guy and a riot

Meh, lord knows if that follows the Structure of these, not that funny joke thingies. Blame JKW, he said it was right.
One Life, Live it.
 
MxCtrlr
Posts: 2312
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2001 11:22 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 4:10 am

ROFLMAO!!!!!  Big thumbs up These were great! Good thread!

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool
DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 5:38 pm

How about

One South African: A political party
Two South Africans: A Volkstaat
Three South Africans: A National Strike

Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
gkirk
Posts: 23345
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 6:21 pm

I should mention that England and whisky dont go  Big grin If anything 1 Englishman should be a bottle of Gin
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6806
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 6:36 pm

Hehehehehehe, great thread. We're not on there yet (NZers). But then again, thats OK.
 
photolppt
Posts: 531
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 6:17 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 7:11 pm

Anything on the portuguese, by any chance?  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

Regards,
Luis
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 8:46 pm


One New Zealander: Bungee jumping off a bridge
Two New Zealanders: Bunging jumping out of a balloon
Three New Zealanders: Bungee jumping out of a balloon into a volcano
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
AWspicious
Posts: 2780
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2001 7:47 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 9:14 pm

One Trinidadian: A bottle of rum
Two Trinidadians: A case of Carib beer
Three Trinidadians: A kidnapping in progress
Nevermind political correctness - Envision using your turn signals!
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:40 pm

Re:

One aDotNetter an ill-considered thread.
Two aDotNetters a flame war.
Three aDotNetters still all virgins.


The last line should read

Three aDotNetters: The Superpowers Mega NYC Meet

 Laugh out loud
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
cptkrell
Posts: 3186
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2001 10:50 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:53 pm

Well, seeing as how I am going to become an official resident of Tennessee shortly;

One Redneck: a pickemup truck that don't run
Two Rednecks: Two pickemup trucks that don't run
Three Rednecks: Three pickemtrucks that don't run but have enough parts to make the fourth one run

Jack
all best; jack
 
BR715-A1-30
Posts: 6525
Joined: Thu May 30, 2002 9:30 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Wed Jul 28, 2004 1:08 am

this is racial and disgusting.

Hey, Somebody had to do it.  Big grin

Just kidding, this is awesome. I was laughing all thruout
Puhdiddle
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6806
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Wed Jul 28, 2004 7:20 pm

Brilliant stuff mate. Love the one about the NYC meet Big grin
 
NUAir
Posts: 1144
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2000 4:24 am

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Thu Jul 29, 2004 7:10 am

CptKrell, that was by far the best one so far.

I'll take a shot at Cuba

One Cuban: Communism
Two Cubans: Political Revolution
Three Cubans: Miami

"How Many Assholes we got on this ship?" - Lord Helmet
 
JGPH1A
Posts: 15080
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, Don't Come In!

Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:31 pm

Can I revise the Cuban one slightly ?

One Cuban: Oil drum
Two Cubans: Inner tube
Three Cubans: 278 votes for GWB in Dade County.

Oooh political !
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: flymco, lewis, USPIT10L and 19 guests