Here's my list:
- I'm sorry, but I don't want to have explain to my kid when I'm 40 that "the design on mommy's lower back was from when she was drunk, stupid, and wanted to be part of the 'in' crowd."
- Why is it everywhere I go I see magazines with 5 pretty boys staring back at me from the cover? Stop.
- Who honestly thinks I give a rat's ass about what Britney did to Christina or what Lindsay Lohan did to Hilary Duff?
- Oooh! It's Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz! Oooh! It's Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore! Oooh! It's another has-been and a never-was! They change partners quicker than square dancers do, so who cares?
- Or "Urban Yodeling," if you will - you know what it is..that Mariah Carey-esque thing most African-American singers do by changing their pitch 10 times in three seconds when singing JUST ONE WORD like "Yeah" or whatever. Unnecessary and over-used.
"I Love the (Insert Decade Here)"
- Y'know, VH-1 had something good on their hands with the 80s....and then proceeded to run it into the ground.
- Quiksilver clothing's "female empowerment" clothing for teens and young women. Looks fine, but the whole "I'm a ROXY girl!" thing with the stickers in your back window? C'mon now.
Abercrombie and Fitch
- the clothes only fit if you're between 5'9'' and 6'4'' and weigh 125-170lbs, with the weights proportionate to those heights. Otherwise don't bother - I think they'll even turn you away at the door of the shops.
Old Navy commercials
- nothing gets me saying "Let's put in a DVD" faster than those glittering pieces of shit
- See "Abercrombie and Fitch" above
- Let me see if I've got this straight - adding a stylized emblem of eight letters suddenly makes this t-shirt go from $10 to $75 ?
- does EVERYTHING have to be mandarin, raspberry and coconut flavored? You don't see Johnnie Walker wheeling out Raspberry Scotch, do you?
- The best T-shirt I've seen lately? "I EAT CARBS." Besides, all the good low-fat stuff is being pulled in favor of the low-carb shit of the week. We're being assimilated!
Flashy-things on cell phones
- Do you REALLY need a blue strobe light announcing to everyone, "HEY, LOOK AT ME! I'M ON A CELL PHONE!" ?
- phrases like "Where you at?" and "Lemme axe you something," just make you sound like a poorly-educated person. Don't emulate people who talk in such a manner.
Poor spelling/over-use of spell-checkers
- People should know how to spell, and over-reliance on spell-checking applications results in things like a sports columnist for The Arizona Republic
writing "At lease
the U.S. Olympic Team was able..." instead of LEAST.
- You have to download the songs you want without getting sued by the RIAA, upload them, buy devices to make it compatible to your car, etc. It just looks like a big headache to me.
- It tastes like shit (yes, even mixed with vodka) and makes you fat. Yeah, sign ME right up!
- Gatorade should have ONE flavor, the original lemon/lime concoction that University of Florida researchers came up with. "Arctic Blast" doesn't tell me what something tastes like, pal! I've never been to the Arctic Circle with my mouth open to ingest the wind.
- don't get me wrong, they're great when hiking or camping...but just TRY using them at the beach, a theme park, or anywhere else where 10,000 other people had the same idea you did! Worthless.
- Oooh! TVs in every seat! So sleeping on night flights must be like trying to sleep in Best Buy's video department. Fun - NOT.
[Edited 2004-08-17 00:22:52]
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
Comments made here are my own and are not intended to represent the official position of Alaska Air Group